Missing what never really was.

It’s a strange, frustrating thing – missing the one who broke you.

Not because you want the pain back.

Not because you’ve forgotten what happened.

But because your brain is wired for the familiar.

Because your heart remembers the moments when it felt safe, even if that safety was only temporary.

But there is a difference between validating our emotions and using them as justifications to continue the cycle.

You can grieve. You can rage (safely). You can miss the person you thought you knew. You can feel like it’s the end of the world.

But you can also give yourself permission to know that it isn’t.

This isn’t the end of the world — this is the beginning of a new life.

So when you get that irresistible craving in your chest — the one that nudges you to check up on what they’re doing, reach out or respond to a recent attempt at contact, STOP.

Breathe. You do not miss the narcissist’s true self. You miss their false mask.

Grief is messy like that.

Healing doesn’t always look like clean lines and no longing.

Sometimes it looks like missing what was meant to be-

even if it never really was.

And that’s okay.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak.

It doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.

It means you’re human and that you loved.

The real work is in seeing the truth, feeling the ache, and choosing, again and again, not to go back to what broke you.

Ask yourself: which moments am I romanticizing?

Which moments am I forgetting?

I’ll bet that if you look closely, you won’t just remember those romantic trips and dates, but also the crazy arguments preceding them. If you revaluate all those times they bought you flowers and gifts, you’ll also remember the countless times you cried yourself to sleep, trying to get them to understand your point of view.

You’ll remember each time they sabotaged you, isolated you, betrayed you. You’ll remember all the times they called you names, disrespected you, made you feel small and ashamed about the things you were supposed to be proud of. You’ll remember how they cut away pieces of your identity, bit by bit.

You’ll remember how they taunted and belittled you. All those times they wiped away your tears?

They were the cause of them. Each time you thought they were going back to the man or woman they pretended to be? They reminded you of how they would never change.

Your heart will learn a new familiar.

Your spirit will find home in peace, not in patterns. And one day soon-what you miss now will feel like a distant echo, and what you have will be worth every hard step forward.

Put on your shoes…Keep walking. You’re doing beautifully.

You can defeat a narcissist without saying a single word—just do these seven things:

1. Stay unpredictable.

Narcissists crave control. When you act in ways they can’t anticipate, they lose their grip on you.

2. Control your emotions.

They use your feelings against you. When you stop reacting and stay calm, you take away their power.

3. Believe their behaviour, not their words. Always remember the monster who left in the end – that is the real person – don’t respond if they reach out after the discard.

Don’t fall for what they say—watch what they do. Their charm is just a mask; pay attention to their true actions.

4. Focus on your growth.

Succeed in ways they never thought you could. Improve your health, finances, and goals—not to prove a point to them, but to elevate yourself beyond their reach.

5. Let go emotionally.

Total detachment hurts them more than anything. When you no longer care, they lose the ability to affect you.

6. Cut the energy cords.

They drain your spirit. Stop replaying the past or holding onto the good moments—protect your peace and release their hold on your energy.

7. Don’t let their voice live in your mind. Go silent. Give them nothing. They can’t take energy that isn’t geared towards them.

That critical inner voice? It’s not yours—it’s theirs. Talk back to it, shut it down, and don’t let shame or fear control your life.

You’re free now.

Narcissists have little to no remorse or empathy. 

They don’t feel to the extent that we feel. The fact that we feel so deeply for these twisted individuals is evidence that we can one day feel that way for someone actually worthy of our love and attention.

Like any human being, we are susceptible to the idealization of this toxic cycle because it represents the fulfillment of our basic human needs: love, belonging, kinship. We want so desperately to have a return on our investment. We have very “human” feelings for our abuser despite it all: we crave their affection, their acceptance, their approval. We are trained to seek their validation. We are hooked on the drug that is their abuse.

When the end of the toxic relationship finally arrives, whether it be imposed by us or the narcissist, grieving has its place too. If our grief is not addressed, it will get lodged in our brains, our hearts, and our spirits as nostalgia for a man or woman that never existed. The tears you cry may not be for the person you thought you knew, but for the façade — the person who pretended to care. But that doesn’t make the pain any less real.

It hurts to erase the people we spent a significant amount of time with — loving, creating memories, attempting to connect. It hurts to be erased without a second thought. It hurts to remember any “good times,” knowing they probably did not mean as much to the narcissist. This is normal and this is human.

Don’t give up hope. Even by just not having the narcissist in your life, you’re opening up a new pathway. A pathway for healing. For miracles. For light. For true love and self-love to enter. This is the path to your freedom.

Whenever you’re tempted to re-engage in the toxicity and break No Contact, I want you to read this.

I want you to remember how far you’ve come.

Remember your sense of self-worth — and never forget all the ways they tried to take it from you.

Remember how far you’ve come without them. Remember how far you’ll go if you continue to heal.

It’s all about vibration—energy! This is how we draw things into our lives. Overcome the fear of scarcity. It’s essential to open our hearts. What you resist persists. Let go of self-doubt and embrace gratitude. Master your craft; when you’re in the flow, things feel effortless. Struggling often comes with resistance and effort. Address your patterns. Trauma can spike blood glucose levels, creating a need for control.

The immune system reacts to this as a threat, leading to inflammation—it’s a protective response.

Tackle toxic patterns that put stress on the body. Focus on mind management; remember, I am not my depression—it is not an illness. I know how to navigate it. Extreme trauma comes with a label, but let’s work to fix it. I am experiencing it, not defined by it. Addiction is a response, not a disease.

Your mind holds more power than your brain. Acute trauma can trigger a storm in both hemispheres of the brain.

While you can’t change the past, you can begin from where you are and shape a new ending.

Please be aware that the book contains explicit content and a myriad of uncomfortable truths.
Sending you love and magic! Always, Lynnie. ❤