Here’s the hard truth about pornography that most people never speak out loud.

In our porn-saturated society, numerous individuals believe that pornography is merely harmless entertainment. Despite the extensive research and numerous personal stories revealing the harsh realities of trafficking and exploitation within the porn industry, many continue to subscribe to the fantasy that the industry seeks to uphold.

Redefining Male Sexual Health with Remojo

This innovative platform is developing tools to combat digital addiction, initially targeting pornography. Remojo provides technological solutions and in-app programs aimed at supporting men with sexual health concerns, with a primary focus on assisting individuals in quitting porn. (Thus, the name ‘Re’mojo.)

Exploring Remojo’s website reveals a variety of potential benefits associated with quitting porn, including not only saved time and attention but also improved in-person relationships and possibly even solutions to health issues like erectile dysfunction.

This indicates a significant overlap in the emerging male sexual well-being sector.

While Remojo primarily targets men who consume pornography and wish to stop, Jack Jenkins emphasizes that the subscription service is not exclusively for those with a porn addiction.

Instead, he explains that the service caters to a wide range of reasons why men might want to cease their pornography consumption. This includes simple self-improvement and a desire for greater control over their thoughts, as well as those whose porn habits hinder their real-life interactions and relationships. Additionally, it serves men with religious beliefs who experience shame regarding their porn use, no matter how infrequent, and seek assistance in aligning with their spiritual values.

Jenkins notes that while some users may have deeper psychological issues related to their consumption, such as a history of childhood abuse, porn usage itself might not be linked to any profound significance beyond being a “convenient” outlet.

Therefore, it isn’t necessary to delve into the psychology of consumption.

The app is designed to be non-judgmental, focusing on empowering men to reclaim their time and attention while challenging the attention-grabbing porn industry.

“This is a universally shared issue, affecting nearly all men under 35 across the globe, regardless of their religious beliefs. It’s challenging to generalize,” he adds regarding the allure of online porn.

“Some individuals may struggle with severe addictions, spending anywhere from 3 to 7 hours a day watching porn.”

“The spectrum of experiences is so broad that generalizations are difficult.

What brings me and the team joy are the diverse stories, comments, and reviews we receive about how lives are changing in various ways.”

Jenkins expresses a desire to “initiate a global conversation” to shift perspectives on porn consumption and normalize the idea of quitting it, making it as commonplace and unremarkable as stating that one doesn’t drink or smoke.

“With our Series A funding, we aim to dismantle the taboo surrounding this topic and make it as widely accepted as choices like abstaining from alcohol, smoking, or meat consumption.

We want this lifestyle choice to be an acceptable and mainstream conversation,” he concludes.

Millions of those recovering from their habit, what is their thorn, a clinging to illusion …many are without the closeness of a safe relationship to begin with.

Which may make the journey of freedom doubly hard, or at least deeply lonely.

And many of the support groups I know of especially for men are even lonelier, with false promises of hope, strength and accountability.

But there is a way out, a way forward.

And that is what I imagine…for you, for us.

There are clear reasons for which such a numbing mind altering substance/habit was chosen in the first place.

They were custom built in our trauma and the very goodness we were denied in life.

The childhood wounds are there, repeating themselves in the rehearsals and rituals…

…To feel less shame, to feel a sense of honest vitality and power…to be approved with a smile…to belong… to be wanted and needed…to advance and grow physically with another…those are just a few.

Pornography has done women a huge disservice

1. Fear of Loneliness

The absence of affection, companionship, or emotional support has deeply impacted us, leading to a constant state of vigilance against abandonment and an overwhelming fear of loneliness.

This can result in emotional dependence, self-sabotage, and excessive tolerance in relationships to avoid being alone. We may also cling to one relationship after another or proactively end connections before others can, all as a defence mechanism against re-experiencing that profound pain.

To heal this wound, we must address our fear of loneliness. It is our inner child—the one who fears abandonment—that we need to connect with, validate, and embrace. By nurturing their self-esteem, we can foster a sense of security and capability. Spending quality time with ourselves helps dismantle the fear of emotional vulnerability and encourages reconciliation with our true selves. It’s crucial to work on our emotional relationships and learn to appreciate solitude before pursuing new connections.

2. Rejection Wound

This wound often stems from experiences of rejection by parents, caregivers, or peers, leading to a profound sense of self-rejection. As children, perceiving rejection can cultivate self-loathing, making us feel unworthy of love. Consequently, any criticism can lead to suffering, driving us to seek constant external approval and recognition.

We can begin to heal this wound by valuing ourselves and acknowledging our uniqueness. By reframing negative internal dialogues into constructive affirmations, we can work on our insecurities, building confidence and self-respect to foster self-love.

3. Humiliation Wound

The humiliation wound develops when we experience disapproval, criticism, or ridicule from our parents or environment. This can erode self-esteem, leading to a dependent personality that undervalues our needs and prioritizes pleasing others. Unknowingly, we may come to believe that our self-worth hinges on others’ perceptions of us.

Healing this wound involves releasing the burdens of humiliation and guilt. Setting boundaries, forgiving those who have hurt us, and reconciling with our past can help us recognize our intrinsic value and take responsibility for our adult lives.

4. Betrayal Wound

The betrayal wound emerges when we feel let down by a parent who failed to uphold their promises. Repeated experiences of betrayal can foster mistrust and isolation, potentially leading to feelings of resentment or envy. This wound often results in strong, possessive, or controlling personalities, developed as a shield against further betrayal.

To heal this wound, we must cultivate tolerance, patience, and trust, allowing ourselves to delegate responsibilities.

Consistency in our words and actions, sincerity without making empty promises, and honouring commitments to ourselves and others are vital steps in this healing process.

5. Injustice Wound

This wound originates from experiencing rigid or cold parenting styles that impose authoritarian and disrespectful demands. Such experiences can cultivate feelings of injustice and unworthiness, resulting in rigid adults who struggle with communication and accepting diverse viewpoints.

To heal this wound, we must address mental rigidity and work towards tolerance and respect for diversity without judgment. Emphasizing the free expression of feelings, accepting differences, and rebuilding empathy are essential to overcoming this wound.

Every man and woman must discover what they were really after, truly worthy of, in the first place.

Undo the knots and find a way to develop that: a shame free life, a life filled with self-mastery, power and deep connection.

In the moment, in our illusive rapture spent, we had no idea of the quiet connection we were missing. Even just to ourselves.

There is a way forward.

And along the way you’ll be embracing the parts of you that were denied and exiled, from your early years to now.

To gain access to the emotional realities underneath all this is incredibly difficult.

I know men and women who have had to do a lot of work over the long haul to uncover the emotional realities behind their habitual patterns in this area.

Please take the journey, it’s worth every grieving and joyful step. Your freedom is worth it, for you and for the beloveds in your path.

The other horrible thing that pornography does is exploit women, young girls, men and boys.

Some choose to do it, but many of them are drugged, and some of them are trafficked.

Wanted to sprinkle a little sunshine by sharing Derek’s dazzling view and invigorating post!….

You think it is harmless. You think it is private. You think it is something separate from love.

But it changes the way you see the person you say you love. And it changes the way you feel when they look back at you.

You think it helps you release tension. You think it is an outlet. You think it is a thing you can control.

But what it really does is train your brain to connect arousal with distance.

It builds a private world inside your body that your partner cannot enter.

And the longer you stay there, the harder it becomes to find your way back.

You see it happen in small, ordinary moments that seem insignificant.

You stop reaching for them in the same way.

Their presence feels less electric.

Your attention wanders when you are supposed to be close.

You start needing fantasy to feel desire again, because reality does not deliver the same rush.

Pornography tells your brain that intimacy is visual, not emotional. That connection is performance, not presence.

It teaches you that pleasure can exist without vulnerability.

And the more you consume it, the less your body remembers how to respond to real life, real touch, real closeness.

Your partner starts to feel it long before you admit it.

They sense the distance.

They notice that your eyes are somewhere else.

They feel the quiet withdrawal that happens when you are together but your attention is divided.

And they start to wonder what they did wrong.

They question their worth. They compare themselves to something that is not even real.

They feel rejected, not because you do not love them, but because you have unknowingly replaced connection with stimulation.

On the surface, nothing seems broken. You still talk. You still laugh. You still make love sometimes.

But something invisible starts eroding between you.

The moments of real contact grow shorter.

The silences grow longer.

You start living side by side instead of inside the same heartbeat.

That is how pornography hurts relationships.

Not through betrayal, but through quiet rewiring.

Not through infidelity, but through absence.

Not through what it gives you, but through what it takes away.

Because real intimacy is not built on fantasy. It is built on trust.

And trust requires presence.

Presence requires vulnerability.

Vulnerability requires reality.

Pornography asks for none of those things.

It offers the illusion of connection while removing the courage that real closeness demands.

But here is the part most people never realize.

When you start choosing presence over escape, your system begins to rewire.

When you start sharing your fear, your shame, your longing with your partner, something real begins to grow again.

The heart starts to remember what it was built for, not stimulation, but union.

Every couple who faces this must face discomfort.

They must talk about what feels unbearable to say.

They must learn how to stay when shame tells them to hide.

That is where recovery begins.

Not in judgment. Not in moral rules. But in the quiet decision to reach for the real thing again.

Because love cannot compete with fantasy. It is slower, deeper, messier.

But it is also the only thing that can satisfy the part of you that wants to be seen.

If you want love that lasts, stop measuring intimacy by how much you perform.

Start measuring it by how deeply you stay.

Because closeness is not built in the moments when you escape.

It is built in the moments when you stay.

The couples who learn to do that do not stop being tempted.

They stop letting fantasy define them.

And that, more than anything else, is what keeps love alive.

• Derek Hart