By Lynnie Stein / January 19, 2020

Relationship

A successful relationship feeds small acts of love and attention

Don’t be miserable by neglecting the things that are so small.

Being together should make you feel positive and good all day long, every single day.

Personally, I don’t like the idea of two people falling in love … what falls often breaks… it should be a commitment.

However, fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, projects, music, art, literature, food and far-off places.

Fall hard and forever in love with nothing but yourself.

So, what makes a committed, romantic relationship work?

One single step can change your life is from Gottman’s literature.

It conveys the message that small, regular steps are the best way towards accomplishment.

This principle is called Kaizen. It is repairing connections between forgotten loved ones.

Relationships are not just about ‘making the heart melt’ but ‘being weirdos together’ and doing the simplest positive things like bringing your partner a glass of water when you get one for yourself.

Dancing in the kitchen together in your tracky dacks.

The feel of excitement by the prospect of growing old together.

Can open up and tell each other anything.

A partner with no obligation to complete oneself.

Where the love for each other outweighs the need for each other.

Communication is important but comprehending is the key.

Instead of focusing on big romantic gestures and extravagant events, it’s about simply giving your partner consistent small acts of love and attention.

A tropical beach get away or fancy, expensive present won’t save your relationship if it is on the rocks.

Rather, it is really about “the small moments of our lives that take up the biggest part of our hearts”.

Those kind of positive, everyday moments are what makes love last.

Gottman says the most important factor for a happy, healthy relationship is ATTENTION.

Small moments of positive attention.

He describes as a young boy, his mother once told him that it’s the little things that make the big difference, and, unfortunately, that those little things became non-existent in his parents’ marriage, resulting in divorce – research indicates that when those little moments of attention vanish from a relationship, its hard to keep it alive.

However, if you are intentional about giving your attention to your partner, about turning toward them, and about appreciating, admiring, and being fond of them, your relationship can be wonderful and can last for eternity.

That’s part of the motto “small things often”, leading to big changes over time.

What can we do …

1. Re-evaluate the reasons we are together
2. Communicate …
3. Do something special together … not one that costs money
4. Cut out external influences
5. Forgive each other
6. Come clean about one thing
7. Set boundaries with each other
8. Most importantly is to know oneself … And that is not easy… a committed couple can help one another to be the best version of oneself.

Benjamin Franklin made a freaking powerful statement … “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.”

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by anyone. Just accept yourself.

9. Beware of the dream takers. Many peeps are afraid of the thief, they come in the night to steal all of our things. But there is a thief in your mind who is after your dreams. His name is doubt.

If you see him call the cops immediately and keep him away from the kids because he is wanted for horrendous crimes and murder. He wears many disguises and like a virus will leave you blinded, divided and turn you into a kinda.

10. A kinda can be lethal

You know what kinda is? There is a lot of kinda peeps. You kinda want to get into shape, kinda want to have more money, kinda not be lonely … Simple … if you kinda want something, then you will kinda get the results you want.

11. Struggle and criticisms are prerequisites for greatness. Whether it be life or a committed relationship. Critics told Beyonce that she couldn’t sing… she went through depression but she kept going. The television execs fired Oprah said she was unfit for TV but she kept going.

It is the law of the universe and none escapes it. Because pain is life but you can choose what type? Either the pain on the road to a successful partnership of love and life commitment or the pain of being haunted with regret.

We have been given a gift that we call life. Life is a miracle.

So don’t blow it. You’re not defined by your past instead you were born anew in each moment.

Sometimes you’ve got to leap. And grow your wings on the way down. There ain’t no over time in life.

You cannot go back and make a brand new beginning. But you can start and make a brand new ending.

I love me. I love you. I am beautiful. I deserve to be loved and feel special, every single day!

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© 2021 Lynnie Stein