Warning: Grab a comfy chair, because this is a novel-length adventure—just hit me with the truth, no fibs allowed! Step into the enchanting world of “The Feminine & Masculine,” a magical land wrapped in mystery and awe!

• Life’s a Big Deal

• Healing Trauma (it didn’t start with you)

• Love Connections

• Wise Words

• Spill the tea, no fibs allowed!

Love is the secret sauce of life! You’ve gotta know you’re worthy of all the love vibes out there.

I’ve always believed I deserve a rad partner to share my adventures with, and trust me, I’m not lowering my standards for anyone! Find someone that appreciates your crazy, loves your energy, and never asks you to dull your sparkle. Then they get the best of you.

Don’t believe those who tell you they love you, Believe those who show you they do. You deserve a slow love. No rush, Sure, Stable, Consistent. You deserve that love. You deserve someone that’s sure of you, that you’re sure of.

I’m not on board with open relationships! If you can’t commit, you might as well enjoy the single life!

In the end, don’t we all just want to bask in happiness and love with real folks?

Forget the theatrics – I’m all about those soul-deep connections, not being an extra in some staged romance! There’s nothing better than the feeling of being understood and connected to someone special.

I’m all about hand-holding, smooches, and a fella who values trust, loyalty and tells me no lies!

Build a friendship before committing or marrying someone. Marry your best friend.

Let’s make some sweet music with that perfect combo of Best Friend Chemistry, Sexual Chemistry, and Mutual Respect. Bonus points if you’re a happy-go-lucky guy with a secure attachment style.

Money can’t buy love, so let’s trade in the real currency.

I have only one rule, tell me before I find out.

I’m naturally a giver, but this life will teach you to stop going above and beyond for people.

They say if you want someone to tell the truth, make the person laugh first.

Loyalty is very expensive, not everyone can afford it.

Sometimes their words don’t add up because they left the truth out of the equation.

“Everything is always working out for me” — those world-changers aren’t flipping through history books; they’re gazing at something divine and limitless!

And hey, the tougher times get, the more epic your soul becomes! Sometimes we don’t wanna heal because the pain is the last link to what we’ve lost.

The one fib we absolutely need in our lives? When those pesky negative thoughts crash the party, just shout, “It’s a total lie!”

The biggest lie you’ve told yourself is that you’re not ready yet.

A tree doesn’t compete with the trees around it, it just grows.

Honey, you deserve a man who does not mind hurting women’s feelings to protect yours.

And the same goes for the dude sweethearts…

You deserve a love that won’t keep you up worrying. You deserve a love that feels like home.

A love that is certain. A love that makes sense.

Life tip: Forget who forgets you.

I don’t do revenge. I’ll level up and forget you even existed.

Accepting the Unacceptable is Dysfunction.

Many individuals from dysfunctional families often lack the skills to establish boundaries, understand their desires, recognize their limits, say no, or walk away when necessary. When a parent demonstrates no boundaries, it becomes challenging to advocate for oneself.

Growing up without validation can lead to self-doubt. If you sense that something feels wrong but lack the tools to address it, issues remain unresolved.

Many people can quickly identify when someone tolerates disrespect.

They will test your limits, and without the necessary skills, you may find yourself being taken advantage of. I don’t believe we attract cruel or unpleasant individuals; rather, it often stems from not having the skills to manage manipulative behaviour.

It’s a matter of choice. In the past, I have chosen partners who were unavailable, socially or mentally inferior, or even harmful, recognizing that I was punishing myself for simply existing.

Pay close attention to the common factors in your romantic relationships; that’s where your work begins. Identifying this pattern is the first step in breaking the cycle of pain.

Consider journaling each day and incorporating meditation into your self care routine.

Loving relationships heal inflammation.

Anger is a sign that you still care about you. Many fill the void with constant “busyness”— always on call for other people’s crisis or issues. This feels their familiar childhood need to feel wanted.

The biggie truth: The most important step in healing is learning to set boundaries.

Burn out isn’t just from working too hard, it’s from not getting your emotional needs met.

Unresolved complex trauma, economic stress, toxins in the environment, lack of connection to each other and nature.

Anytime that you want to help a friend, partner, or child regulate their nervous system.

Pressure can send a signal to nervous system to go into a parasympathetic state.

This is why anxiety blankets became popular. It’s also why hugs (chest pressured against each other feel so good.) You can create this intentionally, through putting pressure on someone’s sternum. As you do this intentionally slow your breathing. Your hearts will sink, cortisol will lower, and both of your bodies will go into a parasympathetic state. Empower each other to calm down, to self soothe, and to stay connected even during times of stress. If you don’t have anyone to do this with, this also works amazing with a pet.

The dance between men and emotional women is as ancient as it is enigmatic – a magnetic push and pull of attraction and fear.

A woman who freely wears her heart as her crown, who dares to feel deeply and express openly, creates a sanctuary for a man’s untapped emotional world.

She becomes the mirror of what he craves yet fears: a permission slip to be whole, vulnerable, and alive.

But the same patriarchal culture that shackles women’s power also binds men’s freedom.

From boyhood, they are taught to equate strength with stoicism and vulnerability with weakness.

“Men don’t cry,” they are told. They grow into men who mistake suppression for survival, hiding their emotional landscapes behind walls of silence and steel.

So when an emotional woman enters their life – a wild river carving through the bedrock of his defences – he doesn’t know how to flow with her, Her tears, rants, and surging waves of feeling make him want to retreat to higher, drier ground.

Not because he doesn’t care but because he feels powerless.

He was taught to FIX, to SOLVE, to CONQUER. And EMOTIONS?

They are neither a problem to solve nor an enemy to defeat. They are a force to be met, held , and embraced.

Here lies the paradox: men aren’t afraid of emotional women because they are “too much”, they are afraid because her emotional authenticity awakens parts of themselves they’ve been conditioned to deny. It takes a man of great strength to face a woman’s storm and, in turn, his own. It is not weakness but profound courage to stand still in the rain, hold, love, and let her know she is safe in his presence.

Men, here’s the key: You don’t need to fix her. Her tears aren’t problems; they’re rivers of release.

Her rants aren’t puzzles; they’re paths to clarity.

Your role is not to dam the flow but to honour it.

Hold her gently, with love, as she pours her soul.

Be a harbour for her storm, a witness to her truth.

In loving her through it, you create space for her healing and your own awakening.

Ladies, this is for you too: If you’ve armoured yourself in masculine energy to survive, know that healing isn’t about fixing him, either.

Men are not projects or puzzles.

Just as you long to be seen and loved for all you are, so does he: to belong, to be at peace, to feel safe, heart protected.

The greatest gift you can give a man is unconditional love – for his wounds, walls, and the tender truth he’s still learning to express.

Love, at its purest, is not about fixing or changing. It is about holding space, surrendering to vulnerability, and daring to grow together. Only through this alchemy can both men and women reclaim the fullness of their hearts and the freedom to feel.

This isn’t about placing blame on women or excusing men from their own responsibilities.

It’s about recognizing how societal patterns, reinforced by both genders, contribute to these dynamics – and figuring out how to move forward.

1. Promote Emotional Reciprocity: Let’s aim for balanced emotional exchanges. Both partners should feel safe to express themselves without judgment.
2. Challenge Double Standards: Women can reflect on how they respond to male emotions and consciously work to validate and support vulnerability.
3. Encourage Emotional Education: Open conversations about mental health and societal pressures can help both genders understand the challenges men face and start dismantling those barriers.

Ultimately, the gaol is mutual understanding.

By breaking down outdated norms together, men and women can create healthier, more supportive emotional dynamics – and we all benefit from that.

Suppressed emotions and un-cried tears often show up as pain or physical issues in your body.

Every time you push down your anger, ignore your sadness, or HOLD BACK YOUR TRUTH, your body steps in to carry the load. It starts as tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or unexplained fatigue. Over time, it can evolve into something much bigger – chronic pain, anxiety, or even illness.

Your body is always speaking to you. The headaches, the tight chest, sore throat, the restless legs and nights – they aren’t random.

They’re the voice of emotions that have been silenced for too long.

But here’s the truth: what you suppress doesn’t have to stay trapped.

Healing starts when you’re ready to feel, release, and let go.

If this resonates, it’s your time to stop ignoring what your body is trying to tell you. It’s time to uncover the root cause, release the weight you’ve been carrying, and create space for freedom, health, and peace.

But her parents came from a different generation. One where they didn’t understand the needs of children. One where they didn’t understand the lifelong impact of her doing too much, too soon.

She saw her mother not getting emotional support she needed. She saw her father working non-stop. Her empathy made her feel like she was a burden. Like she caused their stress.

And today she still feels like a burden. Like she’s “too much.” She over-apologizes. She over-explains. Anything she can to not upset someone or cause more problems.

She never shows she’s angry. She neglects herself as she meets the emotional needs of everyone else. When her body responds with inflammation and chronic pain, no one seems to understand.

Sometimes she’s even told it’s all in her head. Or that nothing is actually wrong. But something is wrong. She’s had a job since an early age that was never hers.

She needs to know the reason she’s drawn to overly-needy people is because it’s the familiar role she had to play. And that adult relationships where there is a fixer and a rescuer are robbing her of her health and joy.

She needs to know those who love her will support her in supporting herself. She needs to know authentic love means she’s not doing it all. She needs to know she deserves a life beyond survival mode.

Dr. Nicole LePera

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you give your time you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.

Instead of hunting for a flawless match, I say pick a partner that’s a perfect fit…where two independent people make a deal they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.

A connection where you both grow to understand each other.
Share each other’s dreams.
Protect each other’s happiness and love like no other.

The most enchanting aspect of a person isn’t what we perceive through our senses, but rather what we feel with our minds and hearts.

Rather than seeking someone who captivates the eye, look for someone who stimulates the mind. Seek out a person who embodies not just deep compassion but also profound understanding.

The ultimate intimacy arises between two individuals who can unravel mysteries together that others find incomprehensible. However, it’s crucial to remember that a strong relationship thrives on a balance of intellectual, emotional, and physical connections.

This is when the spiritual heart finds true satisfaction. While physical beauty is appealing, it is the beauty of the mind that we should treasure above all else. A mind open to exploring the depths of human consciousness—beyond even the stars—offers an entirely different level of allure.

Ultimately, the ideal match nurtures every facet of our being. By seeking a partner who not only comprehends us intellectually but also cares for us emotionally and physically, we can forge deep and lasting connections that reflect true respect.

The truth is, the key to a lasting relationship isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about learning to love the person you’re with RIGHT. Many look outside for happiness, through work, hobbies or even infidelity. But the solution lies within your relationship, not outside it.

Love is a decision, not just that knowing deep spiritual feeling.

Love is unconditional, relationships however are not. Falling in love is easy, but sustaining that love takes effort, wisdom, and commitment. Love isn’t just a feeling that comes and goes; it’s a conscious choice you make every day. It requires patience and understanding, especially when the initial excitement fades. You have to put in the time and energy to nurture your relationship, just like anything else worth keeping. It’s about embracing the ups and downs, working through the challenges together, and finding ways to reconnect when things feel distant. Love is not a mystery; it’s a decision to keep growing with your partner, even when its hard. Ultimately, you have the power to decide who stays in your life and who walks away. Choose wisely, and never take love for granted. 😍 If you desire a partner who will never give up on you, who will love you unconditionally, then you must offer the same devotion in return.

Be the beacon of change in your relationship. Love someone even when it’s challenging.

When they’re not at their best, when their flaws seem more pronounced, when your patience is tested – these are the moments that truly define your commitment.

When someone can’t see your sparkle, the best comeback isn’t to beg for their attention—it’s to crank up your own self-worth!

So, how do I draw the line and make sure my fabulousness never goes unnoticed again?

Maybe they’re mad at you because the version of you they could control no longer exists.

From the book “A Heartfelt Letter to Bam Bam”, Amia goes for the emotional jugular, addressing her ex’s tangled web of lies.

She pours out, “You shattered us. You shattered ME!

With your fibs, dodges, and betrayals galore. Your excuse of, ‘If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t get it,’ well, guess what? At least that wouldn’t leave me in tears or second-guessing every little thing!

But after Amia tossed Bam Bam the first sprinkle of forgiveness, he just kept the story carousel whirling… And oh, how could we overlook the all-time favourite pokes, 1. “You never trusted me” 2. “You were always looking for someone to blame”? Classic! ”

Betrayal hit Amia like a ton of bricks!

She would of walked through fire for him and then he couldn’t even walk beside her.

Her heart was shattered not only by Bam Bam, the guy she swooned over, but also by someone she once thought was a ride-or-die friend, a lover, her very own soul mate.

She had imagined this person as her ultimate bodyguard, looking out for her and showering her with respect—what a plot twist!

Lies are the sneaky little termites munching away at the foundation of love!

Let’s spill the tea on just how much they sting!

Ever notice how a tiny fib can snowball into a full-blown avalanche of drama?

That’s right! Lies often start as innocent little white lies but can spiral into a tangled web of chaos.

1. A liar
2. A liar that gets mad when you don’t believe the lies they are telling you.

Always keep in mind: Compulsive liars can be quite hazardous.

As for a narcissist, they are spiritually a monster.

In my opinion, and based upon my experience and from our lovely community of peeps over 50 recovering from a broken heart, most narcissists don’t recycle their significant others.

I understand the literature around this topic can be very confusing, and just like neurotypicals (those of us who do not suffer from any psychopathology), narcissists come in various forms and personalities.

Not all narcissists are the same, but based on my experience, I have learned many things about what most seem to do when they can no longer derive maximum ego-boosting confidence or self-esteem from you.

For the term “narcissism” interchangeably with every other Cluster B psycho-pathology, which includes narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy (anti-social personality disorder), borderline personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder.

I personally believe that these Cluster B (Axis II) disorders include some degree of unhealthy narcissism at their very core, even though there are differences between them.

As people, we are different from one another, and those with personality disorders are no exception. However, the common behaviours they exhibit allow mental health professionals to diagnose them.

We all may employ passive-aggressive behaviour sometimes when we seek to protect ourselves from further harm or escalating anger. However, those of us without personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), do not commonly use passive-aggression in our daily lives.

We don’t want to intentionally hurt our loved ones. Akin to a toddler covering his ears and ignoring you when he’s upset because you won’t let him stay up longer, a narcissist intentionally ignoring you is almost the same, minus the aggressive act of overtly covering ears.

When you reciprocate passive-aggression with the same, giving that person a taste of his/her own medicine, you only hurt yourself and teach your children that this type of behaviour in a marriage is normal. In fact, it is very abnormal. We thereby unintentionally set the seeds that tolerating abusive relationships is normal. Instead, reciprocating passive-aggressive behaviours like the silent treatment only show the narcissist that the behaviour is working. What he/she wants is to be left alone, so that works in the narcissist’s favour.

To empower abused men and women, the pain you’ll feel after the relationship is over is very temporary, and the aftermath will enable you to become stronger and less tolerant of abusive people.

Is My Partner a Narcissist?

Sure, I can’t whip out a legal pad or play doctor, but here’s a little breakdown I snagged from some sources—check out the law link below for the nitty-gritty!

Dealing with a dangerous narcissist in a relationship.

As we victims all know, the narcissist is an injustice collector: the narcissist holds grudges, and sometimes, he does this silently. Until you’re divorcing a narcissist, you may not even know anything was wrong or that they kept score of every small slight. I also want to mention that I don’t like really using the word “victim” often because I am a firm believer that we all hold some degree of accountability and agency for choosing the partners that we’ve chosen. I also want to share that some of the popular terms commonly seen in literature about narcissism, like “hoovering,” seem to imply that recoupling with a narcissist can’t be controlled and can just happen. The silent treatment differs from taking space, simply not wanting to talk, or setting a boundary around toxic behaviour. The silent treatment is not done to take space, its done to punish another person.

Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce.

There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.

Reason #1: Narcissists Lack Object Constancy and Object Permanence

“Object Permanence” was first researched by Jean Piaget, a pioneer in modern developmental child psychology.

His cognitive developmental theory of object permanence was that by the age of two, a child must reach this developmental milestone in healthy doses, which could later be linked to attachment theory many years later.

A developmentally healthy infant learns that a game of peek-a-boo doesn’t mean that a parent simply vanishes, but that a parent’s hands temporarily cover her face. Several decades later, John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, revolutionized our modern understanding of attachment theory to describe the lack of secure attachment in many disordered people.

Both the narcissist and his partner typically show patterns of insecure attachment stemming from childhood.

As a leader of research and literature in personality disorders, Otto Kernberg, MD, explained how object permanence and object constancy are linked and seem to be the missing pieces in those who suffer from severe personality disorders.

Lack of these can lead to “splitting” in extreme cases, so that you may become “all bad, and no good,” by the time the narcissist abandons you.

As a child, the adult suffering from the personality disorder did not form the ability to integrate the two pieces of an object (you) cohesively and integrate them.

So, for example, a child who experiences anger from a mother for a transgression, may view the mother as “all bad.”

A happy mother, on the other hand is, “all good.” The child does not learn how to integrate these two sides of the same mother cohesively and so the child doesn’t learn that all people are comprised of some good and some bad things.

As an adult, he sees you as “all bad” once the inevitable devaluation occurs, and if you do nice things that cannot be ignored, the disordered adult believes that you are doing it for a self-serving reason or otherwise attempting to manipulate him.

In other words, you cannot be a normal human being with normal foibles and positive attributes.

You must be the devil or an angel.

In the beginning of your relationship, he saw you as the “perfect angel.”

Over time, it will happen repeatedly, and as he lacks object permanence, you are portrayed as a “demon.”

Reason #2: Narcissists Have Already Set You Up for the Inevitable Demotion and Discard They know that their relationships haven’t worked out, but, just like you, they are victims of their own repetition compulsion.

However, we know this never works, and no one can measure up to their never-ending demands or ideals of perfection, and you will be quickly devalued and discarded.

Although you will be blindsided by their sudden abandonment or disappearing act, those one or two people he may call “friends” or “family,” will not be surprised because he has been tarnishing your reputation for some time now.

He will portray himself as the innocent victim, and he will blame everything wrong in your relationship on you.

Unfortunately, your search for answers and closure may lead to more harm by turning to those who share his distorted view of you. Please, save yourself the pain and heartache by disconnecting from social media and learning to share pertinent information with only those you sincerely trust.

Reason #3: Narcissists are Self-Centred, Entitled, and Believe it is Beneath Them to Owe You an Explanation

I know this one is going to be especially hard to understand, but just know that your deep care for others isn’t going to be reciprocated by those deeply wounded by childhood traumas.

I remember when I was a teenager, I dated a dude whom I liked, but to whom, over time, I felt no attraction. As teenage relationships go, after a few months of dating, I just simply lost interest and found it in my best interests (and his), if I just broke up with him.

However, I remember spending days wondering how to do it as gently as possible while I sensed his feelings for me were increasing.

I decided upon telling him in person how special our time together was, but that I did not feel that it was a good idea to keep dating. I remember how upset he was and how much he wanted me to reconsider my decision. I told him that I didn’t know what the future held for either one of us, but that this was for the best. Seeing him cry made me so sad, and I went out of my way to acknowledge his presence when I saw him at school. It is the coldest thing that someone can do, to throw someone away without a thought in the world. Obviously, the easiest way to break up with someone would be to just simply stop returning phone calls, but luckily, most of us have deep empathy for others and don’t wish to hurt them. We put our own comfort aside and place a priority on the human dignity of others.

Narcissists are not cut from the same cloth as us.

They simply don’t want to be bothered by you, and a marriage or long term relationship, to them, is no different than a casual hook-up. They will block your calls, block you on social media, and they will receive an ego boost when you attempt to contact them for an explanation. Something you must realize is that you can learn to not look to others for closure. You can make your own closure, and with time, great friends, and maybe therapy, you’ll learn that a narcissist’s silent treatment is a gift to your well-being.

Reason #4: Narcissists Cannot Form Authentic & Intimate Bonds with Others

Narcissists are always on the prowl for genuine love but will never find it because they cannot view others as consistently loving and trustworthy.

You will never be able to achieve an authentic partnership with a narcissist because his feelings for you are just superficial. He acts upon how he feels in the moment. So, if he is in a narcissistic rage, you will be to blame, and he will feel deep anger and hatred for you, and he convinces himself that you were unlovable because he no longer feels what he believes to be “love.”

When divorcing one of these types, you will have to really find an attorney who understands that this person doesn’t have your well-being and history at heart. They will erase any history you have, and you will just be someone that’s out to get his “money,” “house,” “children,” whatever he deems his possessions.

You May Not Make Sense of the Discard Phase, but You Will be Able to Heal

You are not disordered, so of course you will not be able to make sense of a narcissist’s discard phase. Just know that you can heal with distance, time, and therapy. Experienced trauma therapists may be able to help you process just how abnormal the situation really was. An attorney with experience in divorcing a narcissist can help you redirect the blame to the narcissist, and help you understand that although people can fall out of love, it doesn’t happen so abruptly and silently, as it does in a marriage to a narcissist.

When you reciprocate passive-aggression with the same, giving that person a taste of his/her own medicine, you only hurt yourself and teach your children that this type of behaviour in a marriage is normal. In fact, it is very abnormal. We thereby unintentionally set the seeds that tolerating abusive relationships is normal. Instead, reciprocating passive-aggressive behaviours like the silent treatment only show the narcissist that the behaviour is working.

What he/she wants is to be left alone, so that works in the narcissist’s favour.

Instead, employ boundaries, and stick to them. Don’t use threats. Instead, tell yourself that these behaviours are not okay and that you will not allow anyone to further hurt or demean you.

As I’ve repeated numerous times before, to empower abused men and women, the pain you’ll feel after the relationship is over is very temporary, and the aftermath will enable you to become stronger and less tolerant of abusive people.

I write as part of my own healing and as part of my goals to help others understand that there is so much more happiness on the other side of a relationship breakdown.

My own personal experience as well as my professional experience have taught me that the cyclical nature of these relationships is a hallmark of a toxic relationship. You will learn that normal relationships with normal partners aren’t the same, and as boring as they may seem at first, the highs and lows of narcissistic relationships are not the type of healthy excitement that we need.

Time can soften the edges, but true healing takes more than

Embrace Your Growth and Trust the Path

Healing isn’t linear and that’s ok. Some days, you may feel incredible, and others might feel like you’ve taken a few steps back. It’s about trusting that every part of the journey is shaping you into who you’re meant to be.

Surround yourself with the right energy, seek out expert guidance, and, above all, be kind to yourself along the way.

This journey is yours to own, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Lean into the support around you and know that with each step, you’re growing and are closer to your true authentic self.

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘time heals all wounds,’ I call BS on that—If time alone could heal, we wouldn’t see adults in their 40s and 50s still grappling with the scars of childhood trauma. And yet, here I am, working with clients who’ve carried those wounds for decades.

Time can soften the edges sure, but true healing takes more than just the passage of days or years. It requires intentional work—processes that dig deep to uncover the root causes, release the pent-up emotions trapped in the body, and address the wounds at their core. Healing isn’t just about putting a bandage on the past; it’s about working with your nervous system, your subconscious mind, and more to truly mend and restore yourself so you get to feel truly great!

Why does this matter? Because we are meant to live extraordinary, vibrant lives. You may think, “It’s not so bad, my life is okay,” and if “just okay” is enough for you, then by all means, continue as you are. But when we don’t heal, we carry pain that festers into anger, sadness, fear, negative thoughts, even illness, and ultimately a life that’s held back from its full potential.

Healing those wounds is what frees you to step into the life you’re truly meant to live. Time alone doesn’t heal all wounds—but choosing to do the work and heal those wounds does.

You are healing. You are growing. You are transforming.

We’ve gathered a treasure trove of quotes and stories about deception in relationships to help you navigate these tricky waters and peek into various viewpoints.

Remember, the bedrock of any relationship is built on honesty, transparency, and trust.

When you catch your partner pulling a fast one, it feels like a punch to the gut, leaving you betrayed and bewildered, which can lead to some serious communication hiccups.

Lies can destroy relationships gradually over time or in an instant.

Ultimately, a lie is a form of avoidance – we choose a short-term easy path, telling an untruth.

People with an avoidant attachment style may lie in relationships due to their discomfort with emotional intimacy and difficulty trusting others.

They may also avoid conflict and getting too close to someone.

The real pickle is that some guys grew up learning that showing pain is a no-go, and punishment is just part of the package.

They faced the whole shebang—chastised, demonized, and left feeling like pariahs!

When they stumble into a healthy relationship, 9 times out of 10, they pull a disappearing act because it’s just too foreign.

They think, “Who wants to stir the pot?”

That’s the usual drill!

If you want to flip the script and create a new normal, both of you need to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

Those sky-high expectations?

They just brew up resentment and stress, turning everything toxic.

Remember, we’re all just human, folks!

We do not consider the consequences of our easy choice and don’t think of the long-term benefits of doing the tougher thing – telling the truth.

If left unchecked, those hiccups can turn into major messes!

So, let’s keep it real—honesty is the glue that holds relationships together, and lies?

Well, they’re just troublemakers in disguise.

Dive into the thought-provoking quotes to see why truth-telling is the secret sauce for building trust and keeping the love alive!

When guys spin a web of lies in a relationship, they might not fully grasp the chaos they’re unleashing! It’s like juggling flaming torches while blindfolded—stressful and messy!

They often feel the weight of the world on their shoulders, trying to act tough despite the emotional tornado their fibs have stirred up.

Keep scrolling to uncover how deception can turn love stories into soap opera disasters!

For Tracy Hall, her story began like many contemporary love tales:

A serendipitous encounter on a dating app, a seemingly genuine connection,

and the promise of a new life chapter.

However, this was no fairy-tale; it turned into a nightmare that cost Hall nearly everything—her trust, her savings, and even her sense of identity. On a Tuesday morning in July 2017, Hall grew increasingly anxious about her boyfriend, Max Tavita. Uncharacteristically, she hadn’t heard from him in over 24 hours.

Seeking answers, Hall reached out to Bondi Police. Not long after, she stumbled upon a Crime stoppers segment on television featuring a man she recognized as Max, albeit under a different name.

What she uncovered in the ensuing days would shatter her world.

Max was not who he claimed to be. The man Hall had shared her life with for nearly 18 months—an investment executive based in Bondi and a casual surfer—was, in fact, Hamish McLaren, a notorious conman and the focus of the popular podcast, Who the Hell is Hamish?

A skilled manipulator, McLaren had swindled 15 victims out of a staggering $7.6 million through fictitious investment schemes, with Hall being his final target. By the time McLaren was apprehended, he had misappropriated her life savings, presenting it as funnelled investments—resulting in a loss of $317,000. Nevertheless, despite the financial and emotional wreckage caused by the investment and romance scam, Hall’s spirit remained resilient. Now an advocate for scam victims and the author of The Last Victim, Hall is sharing her narrative to help others grasp the psychological and financial ramifications of romance and investment scams.

Reflecting on her experience, Hall identifies the red flags she overlooked at the time.

One significant warning sign was McLaren’s unwillingness to introduce her to his family and friends.

“If you’re in your 40s and beyond and haven’t met someone’s friends and family within the first few months, that’s a massive red flag,” she states.

He also lacked a digital presence—no social media or online footprint, which Hall now recognizes as highly unusual.

However, the most telling sign was the implausible nature of McLaren’s stories.

They seemed too outrageous to be true—yet over time, she began to accept them.

“This is how manipulation works. It creeps in slowly, and you start to believe it.

It’s like grooming; you don’t realize you’re being shaped until it’s too late.”

In retrospect, Hall also highlights McLaren’s ability to “shape-shift” into whoever she needed him to be.

“He crafted himself into someone I would fall in love with, and he did that with everyone.”

In the weeks, months, and years following Hamish’s arrest, Tracy discovered that the man who once held her close at night was not only plotting to steal her life savings but had spent the last three decades deceiving victims out of over $70 million across the US, Canada, London, Hong Kong, Indonesia, and Sydney, Australia.

In 2019, Hamish’s web of lies ultimately led him to prison.

Keep an eye on those dating sites – the platforms themselves may be fine, but it’s the individuals using them that truly matter.

“When I first met my wife we had awesome se* on our first date. I told her very honestly, wow that was magic but I do not love you, I like you as a friend, after several months I changed my mind.

Because in my opinion, how can someone say I love you when you do not know him/her?

We have now been together for many years and the magic and love is still there.

We respect each other and our boundaries. ~ Paul

“Empty, meaningless, using and being used interactions no longer appeal to me. For me, loving women means valuing them …not using them and throwing them away. Find a loyal woman and nurture her.”

~ Jerry

• Don’t make her fall for you, if you don’t intend on catching her. – Cody Bret “
• After being single for years, I came across your articles on Facebook and started dating again with your standards in mind and I just wanted you to know that I met the love of my life and we are getting married next month and I honestly have you to thank for it.”~ Danielle

“This is the biggest problem facing us. Lust and sexual desires have taken place and confused with people telling lies for personal gain. It’s a red flag, people who get attached quickly and say “I love you” quickly are bound to have mental problems. When most have broken homes to grow up in. They don’t know about true love. So its rinse and repeat for the next generations.” ~ Michael

When a woman has a high libido, it’s not because she has a masculine fire energy, it’s because she keeps her water energy simmering.

She lives in a way that makes her feel good about herself, she avoids getting too tired, and together with her partner they actively work on keeping their connection strong and making the time and place for sex.

This is what keeps a women’s water energy warm.

The warmer her water energy is on a day to day basis, the more open and receptive to sex she is.

The colder her water energy is, the more effort is required to heat it, and some women have sexual energy that is frozen hard, tundra even!
 
It does work both ways. There are plenty of men who find that their fire energy isn’t igniting, and there are many reasons for this.
 
When two people come together as lovers, whether it’s for a brief encounter or a lifetime, when her water energy is good and warm and his fire energy is switching on efficiently, then there’s a meeting between them.

His desire is neither too needy nor too apathetic and her interest is neither too conditional nor too stifling. Rather, there’s an easy balance and fluidity between his desire and her openness to meet him, which takes them both to wonderful places.

Just like sex, illness, habits, etc you can recover!

Making love is an art!

The man can learn that art and if he is passionate and selfless enough he will find that his partner will react beautifully. It is also up to the woman to communicate what she desires in and out of the bedroom and not what the man is ‘doing wrong’.

Here’s the truth: she is not going to submit to anyone who lies, manipulates, or tries to control her.

She won’t give that part of herself to someone who isn’t present emotionally or doesn’t show up spiritually. If you want her to submit, you’ve go to be the kind of man she can rely on – someone she trusts with her heart, her peace, and her life.

It’s not about control; it’s about leadership through love and consistency.

It’s about being a man worth following, someone who earns respect by how he carries himself and how he cares for her. When she knows she’s safe with you – mind, body, and soul – submission becomes a natural response, not something forced.

The hurt of a lie and betrayal stays forever in the heart.

Time to give those pesky childhood wounds and unresolved traumas the boot!

Let’s heal and steal the spotlight!

Nothing in nature lives for itself.

Rivers don’t drink their own water. Trees don’t eat their own fruit. The sun doesn’t shine for itself.

A flower’s fragrance is not for itself.

Men’s Mistake

We belittle her by comparing her to our exes.

We belittle her by reminding her of her past.

We give her no resources to care for herself.

We sometimes do horrible things because we know she loves us and won’t leave us.

Before, we realize it, she has made a decision never to return: only then do we realize we had a precious woman.

When she finds someone better and decides to marry him, we say she’s not a good woman and lie, claiming she abandoned us because of this or that, normally saying she cheated on us, knowing that loyalty was her #1 value.

The woman we treat like trash will sooner or later become the queen of a man who knows her worth. That’s just life. (AND VICE VERSA) ~ Anonymous

The worst thing you can do to a woman is consistently lie to her, it breaks her trust, her heart and her respect for you.

The wrong man will teach you to do it all on your own.

The right man knows you can, but he won’t let you.

He’ll stand by your side, share the load, and help you thrive.

A real man sets the tone in a relationship, and a woman responds to his energy.

That’s why showing up and being CONSISTENT is so important, she can’t feel safe if you’re not leading properly. ~ Chris Perry

Stop being mad at people for not being who YOU want them to be. The only person you can control is YOU.

You can’t change people.

When you get upset by what someone did, just remember; you are punishing yourself for the actions of another.

You ever been so done, you started encouraging the man to date someone else.😂😂

Sometimes I think about the different characters I play in everybody’s story.
I’m a terrible person in some people’s narratives and a Godsend in others.
And none of it has anything to do with the person I truly am.
The lens that others view you through is coloured by their upbringing, beliefs, and individual experiences.
Some people see your bright personality as endearing and others see it as annoying.

The seven elements of trust are the components of the BRAVING acronym, which was developed by Dr. Brené Brown to help people understand and build trust:

Boundaries: Being clear about what’s okay and what’s not okay
Reliability: Doing what you say you’ll do
Accountability: Owning your mistakes and apologizing
Vault: Not sharing information or experiences that are not yours to share
Integrity: Choosing courage over comfort, and practicing your values
Nonjudgment: Asking for what you need and talking about how you feel without judgment
Generosity: Extending the most generous interpretation to the intentions, words, and actions of others
BRAVING – A Brené Brown take on Trust – The World of Work …
The BRAVING acronym can be used as a checklist to help identify and address breaches of trust.

It can also be used to reflect on events and identify areas that could have been handled differently.
Brown says that understanding the components of trust can help people understand how they do or don’t trust others, or themselves.

She also says that trusting others is a vulnerable and courageous process.

Not invited. Don’t go.

Not told? Don’t ask.

Late invite? Decline.

You were never part of the plan in the first place.

Respect yourself.

Trust me people, an avoidant can make anyone anxious from secure just by switching on from honeymoon phase to devaluation phase.

I’m grateful for my experience with an avoidant partner. It caused me a lot of anxiety especially when I was discarded and ghosted, but over time and upon reflection I worked on my insecurities that made me feel anxious when they ghosted me. Now, I feel very secure and would never take an avoidant back or allow myself to be bread crumbed by an avoidant again.

It’s not about their potential. It’s about your value.

Avoidants and narcs adore bread crumbing in 10%/90% ratio (giving/wanting) Reject them.

If you think you have Trauma, science says it didn’t start with you. Unhealed trauma doesn’t just disappear – it gets passed down through DNA as self-sabotage, cycles of failure, and toxic relationships.

You inherit more than their eye colour. You inherit their survival responses.

How do you know if you’re carrying inherited trauma?

Here are common signs:

• Recurring family patterns (addiction, conflict, failure).
• Fears or beliefs that feel irrational.
• Chronic stress or illness with no clear cause.
• These patterns will persist until they’re consciously addressed.
• But here’s the good news: You can break the cycle.
• Healing inherited trauma doesn’t just change your life – it transforms future generations.
• Step 1. Explore your family Genogram. Best done with a holistic therapist.
• What spoken events shaped your family? Loss, war, migration, abuse, or betrayal.
• Secrets, silences, or “taboo” topics?
• Understanding these root events is essential to healing.
• Step 2. Recognize inherited language. Listen for repeating family phrases:
• – We never get ahead. – It’s hard to trust people. – Love always ends in pain. – Money doesn’t grow on trees. These beliefs often reflect UNHEALED TRAUMA passed down to you generationally.
• ( unhealed childhood trauma).
• Step 3: Rewire your nervous system. Inherited trauma isn’t just emotional – it’s stored in your body and brain. Enter Neuroscience tools for healing:
• Somatic therapies: TRE (Tension Release Exercises).
• Breathwork: Polyvagal breathing to calm the nervous system.
• Meditation and mindfulness: Rewire emotional responses.
• These tools directly reset your body’s stress response, creating lasting change…
• Step 4: Rewrite the narrative. Trauma may have shaped your family story, but it doesn’t define you. Use Narrative Therapy (CBT) to shift limiting beliefs:
• “I’m safe to succeed.”
• “LOVE DOESN’T HAVE TO HURT.”
• “I’m free to create a new path.”
• You are NOT BROKEN.
• Inherited trauma isn’t a life sentence – it’s a calling to heal what others couldn’t, When you do the work, you don’t just free yourself. You free your family’s past and future.
• Generational trauma is real.
• “My trauma is not my fault, I forgive my parents and their parents and so on because they didn’t know any better”.

Lie quotes – when you realize that hurt people hurt people, it all makes sense! No, there’s no excuse for fibbing, but hey, let’s sprinkle them with a little love and healing vibes instead!

• A single lie and misrepresentation in a relationship makes one question every truth ever there was in it. Move on like you never knew them, because in realty, you never did. — Amia
• One day you’re going to remember me and how much I loved you … and then you’re going to hate yourself for letting me go. — Drake
• The worst part is being lied and cheated by the person who didn’t consider you to be his truth. — Anonymous
• Lying is like alcoholism. You are always recovering.– Steven Soderbergh
• I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. — Friedrich Nietzsche
• A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.– Winston Churchill
• Every sentence he uttered was like a brushstroke on a canvas of deception. — Anonymous
• If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. — Mark Twain
• If you are looking for a short-term solution, think about lying to your partner. But remember that it destroys your long term relationship.
• No woman could love a cheater and not pay the price for it. — Rose Wynters
• A woman who wants to build an empire needs to either be single or be with a partner who acts like a king, not a lost dude seeking attention from the entire village. — Amia
• Those who cheat on their partners who are loyal to them; don’t deserve them. It is a trashy attitude to disrespect a person who is loyal in a relationship, by cheating on him or her.—Ellen J. Barrier
• Lying is easy. But it’s lonely. — Victoria Schwab
• There’s a tipping point with lies, a point where you’ve said something so many times that it feels truer than the truth. — Holly Black
• Cheats prosper until there are enough who bear grudges against them to make sure they do not prosper. — Peter Singer
• Once a cheater, always a repeater. — Melissa Edwards
• Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one. — Abhishek Tiwari
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. — Sacha Guitry
• Duplicity does not just obscure the truth. Often, it obscures the love itself.
• There are different ways to be confused about how someone’s disappointed you. Some lie about the future because they wanted to forget the past. But some will lie about the past because they think it will give you both a future. — Laura Dave
• A relationship is true only when there is no place for lies or craftiness between the two of us. — Anonymous
• Don’t cheat if you don’t want to be cheated. A relationship is mutual. This is the golden rule for all great connections. —Israelmore Ayivor
• Even if you lie a hundred times, remember that lying is not worth losing the trust and respect of your near ones. — Anonymous
• Be bad, but at least don’t be a liar, a deceiver!
• In any intimate relationship, the intimacy thrives on transparency and shrivels when the truth is veiled. — Anonymous
• That was how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets. — Amy Tan
• Cheating only thrills those who cannot see the beauty in faithfulness. — Michael Bassey Johnson
• Trust, once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime. — E.B. Spredemann
• Infidelity is mentally, emotionally, and physically painful to the betrayed spouse. Be gentle with yourself as you heal.— Dr. Karen Finn
• I heartily accept apologies, but not deception. — Anonymous
• Don’t disrespect me, lie about it, and then come smile in my face and act like nothing’s wrong. — Scottie Pippen
• ‘It was a mistake,’ you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you. — David Levithan
• Lying is one of the simplest ways to ruin a beautiful relationship. — Anonymous
• You can’t save a relationship unless both people are equally invested. It takes a joint effort to make it work. One person trying will never be enough. — Tony Gaskins
• Lying to your lover is the cruellest way in which you can show them you don’t care. — Anonymous
• Because even if the lie is beautiful, the truth is what you face in the end. — Lauren DeStefano
• For a relationship to flourish, it needs an affair. However, the affair needs to be with your own self … your inner self. —Lebo Grand
• Love is never supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to heal, to be your haven from misery, to make living worthwhile.— Mia Ashe

The silent treatment is ABUSE.

It’s a form of Emotional neglect.

It’s Telling someone,

“When you upset me You no longer exist.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It says “I will continue to dictate the emotional climate around us”. Narcissists often use the silent treatment to maintain control and suppress autonomy.

Truly a generational trait that sticks but can be reversed.

To reverse the generational pattern of the silent treatment, the most effective approach is to openly communicate your discomfort with the behaviour, set clear boundaries against using silence as a manipulation tactic, and actively encourage healthier communication methods within your family dynamic, potentially seeking professional therapy to address the underlying issues and learn new coping mechanisms.

For all you ghosting aficionados out there… a ghoster is basically someone who pulls a Houdini on communication, disappearing without a trace or a “see ya later.”

Whether in person or through the digital ether, ghosting can sneak up at any relationship stage.

There are all kinds of ghosters: some think they’re saving you from hurt, while others simply don’t give a phantom’s hoot about your feelings!

But guess what? While ghosters may believe they’re being nice by vanishing, the ghosted (or “ghostees”) don’t feel a smidge better.

In fact, they’d rather hear a straightforward “we’re not a match” than be left dangling in the spooky silence of ghost town (Experiment 8, anyone?).

Ghosting conjures up a mysterious loss, a head-scratching kind of grief that leaves you pondering the “why” behind the exit.

Even two years later, Amia is still haunted by her confusion, saying, “I’m still very puzzled and can’t figure out what went down.”

Jenny echoed those sentiments, admitting, “I mean, who ghosts someone for no reason?

Realizing he’d rather vanish than chat about his feelings stung. He was unbothered watching me lose my mind over his destructive immature behaviours. I lost myself and realized I was fighting for something that was destroying me. He lied about his loyalty. His friends wife spilled the beans – who betrays a mate like that? It made me feel like I was just a blip on his radar, like our relationship didn’t matter at all.

I healed and learned that how people treat you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and

“what you tolerate, you also encourage”.

Reframe the Experience
What if ghosting is more about the ghoster’s comfort level with conflict than anything you did wrong?

Remember that they may be struggling with their own emotions or trying to avoid a tough conversation.

Ask yourself, “what if this experience has nothing to do with me?”

Find the Offering

Ask yourself what you learned from the relationship.

Unhealed childhood trauma and unrealistic expectations are the major contributions to relationship breakdowns. Remember, you can’t heal anyone except yourself.

If you’ve ever felt the ambiguous loss that comes with ghosting, you may now know, for example, how much you value good communication.

Thus, you now know what to prioritize in a friend / partner.

You cannot build a relationship with someone who ignores you. Life is hard enough. Don’t make it even harder by chasing the attention of someone who isn’t available. Let them Go!

Good to Go!!

Grieve without Closure

While knowing why a relationship ended soothes the grieving process, you can still grieve without closure.

Instead of revisiting the relationship and wondering what you did to get ghosted, accept that you will never know—and that you can be ok not knowing.

If you still insist on sending a message, take it from me, though: be the bigger person and write something short but cool-headed, something you won’t cringe over the following week. Don’t spend hours or days of your time crafting the “perfect” text; you’ve already wasted too much time on this person when they’ve made it clear they don’t care enough about you to let you have some closure.

But just remember: sometimes it’s best not to disturb the dead.

Send the message and move on as best as you can.

I believe a big reason that people ghost in this day and age of dating – the online age, that is – is that people rush into relationships or situation-ships with people before actually getting to know them.

All of that texting in the beginning? It could be a sign of love bombing, or it could just be that, sadly, you could be anyone. There are many people out there who date just to fill a void, but as soon as you become “real” (i.e. you show signs of wanting more) or the rush of a new romantic interest has worn off for them, they jump ship. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

And yeah, it’s an awful feeling – that someone doesn’t even care enough about you to text you (or, shock of all horror, actually call you) in order to spare your feelings, let alone want to date you.

If someone doesn’t want to be with you… again, why do you want to be with them? 

Most likely, the person you’re dating wasn’t ready for something with you or even something with anyone, be it serious or not. A lot of people are not very good at dating, and they act in strange ways when it comes to other people’s feelings. We’ll never know the real reason people ghost, and the sooner you let go of overanalysing and overthinking about what you could have done or what you could have said, the faster you’ll heal. That spiralling? That checking your phone again and again? I get it – I’ve been there! – but try your best to think about other things. Hang out with friends. Go for a long walk (without your phone!). Lean into your hobbies and passions. Remember why you’re awesome (and why they’re missing out, big time).

You don’t need to know why they ghosted. You only need to know that they’re capable of doing it, and that should be enough to indicate that they are not the person for you.

Nearly every friend I have who has been in the dating world in the last decade has told me that they’ve been ghosted at least once. And while it doesn’t get any easier to take, I have realized over the years that it can actually be a really good thing.

I know, I know. It definitely doesn’t feel very good when it happens. But hear me out.

To reiterate, the people who ghost are either cowardly or assholes (or at least exhibiting asshole behaviour), or sometimes a combination of the two. When someone ghosts you, they’re showing you exactly who they are. They’re showing you that they are capable of acting quite selfishly and inconsiderately… and why would you want to be with a person like that?

You deserve so much more than that.
As Mark Manson (Mark Manson is an American self-help author and blogger. As of 2024, he has authored or co-authored four books, three of which, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope, and Will, were New York Times bestsellers). Manson writes, if you’re in the grey zone, you’ve already lost. And if someone ghosts you or frequently ignores your messages, you are definitely in the grey zone… in fact, there’s no doubt about it, you’re out of the game altogether. Again: why would you want to be with someone who thinks this is OK behaviour? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

That’s a really difficult thing to accept, and it’s not as easy as just snapping your fingers and feeling better. But I believe it’s an important reminder when you’re struggling.

Remember: there are no such things as mixed messages in dating. If they like you and want to commit to you, you’ll know. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but your soulmate? They wouldn’t treat you this way.
There really is no blanket explanation why people ghost, although I think it comes down to most people being too immature, too cowardly, or too lacking in basic communication or empathy (or a combination of all of the above). Maybe they’ve changed their mind and don’t want to/don’t know how to end it. Maybe they find it the easy way out of something they’re not ready to define (although a friend of mine was ghosted after dating someone for over two years. TWO YEARS). Maybe they just suck as a human being. We’ll never really know, which is why it’s best not to linger on the “what did I do?”s and the
“I wish I knew what they were thinking!”s. You often see a pattern with the ex’s – wouldn’t it be great to have a conversation and get the ex girlfriend/wife to tell her side of the story before you get hooked?
I believe ghosting can come from a place of fear, as in, they’re scared of having to share their feelings and gasp put themselves out there for a potentially awkward text / phone conversation that really only has to take up five minutes of their life. They might also be lazy. They may not be an inherently bad person, but ghosting is definitely bad behaviour.

Is there ever an OK time to ghost someone? Perhaps – maybe if you only had a couple of dates and you didn’t make specific plans for another rendezvous – but for the most part, it is so much easier and so much more respectful to just send a polite goodbye text or phone call (unless you are being harassed or made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe, in which case, ghost that motherfucker no matter how long you have been dating).

So, picture this: I went out with a super sweet guy who was just a bundle of kindness! Our first date? A blast! But when our second rendezvous rolled around, the chemistry felt a little… off (think awkward first dance at a wedding). The sparks just weren’t flying, and our convo was about as lively as a wet noodle. We tossed around the idea of a third date – bowling, anyone? – but a few days later, I realized it was time to throw in the towel.

Ghosting is a huge indicator of both immaturity and instability. And honestly, at this point in my life, anyone who has this lack of emotional depth and a lack of basic courtesy is just holding up the line.

It’s a cliché, but it’s true: there are plenty more fish in the sea. It would be awesome to find a fun, adventurous partner, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for a phone call or text when there’s so much more of life to explore.

So ladies (and gentlemen), take heart: ghosting is real, yes, and it is shitty, but it doesn’t mean you should lose any self-respect, nor does it mean you should lose faith in dating. When someone ghosts, they’re making it very easy for you to see that they’re definitely not the person for you, and that you’re much better off without them. Again: you are worth so much more than this. You do not deserve this, and you do NOT want to date someone who treats people this way.

As soon as you realize this, you have room in your life for so many other fun things: new partners, sure, but also a new freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do… without having to worry that you’ll miss that text if you’re in the shower.

So hold your head high, realise being ghosted had nothing to do with you and everything to do with someone else.

In some sticky situations, fibbing might feel like the best way to spare your partner’s feelings.

Sure, little white lies might sneak into relationships now and then, but let’s not kid ourselves—some lies can pack a punch!

The fallout of a fib really hinges on what kind of whoppers we’re telling and why we’re spinning those tales!

Staying on a dating site while in a relationship can be considered a lie, and dishonesty in a relationship can have serious consequences: 

• Relationship damage Dishonesty can damage a relationship, and in some cases, it can lead to the end of the relationship. 
• Rebuilding trust Rebuilding trust after a lie requires patience, empathy, and understanding. It also involves being open and truthful, and respecting the other person’s feelings. 
• Processing feelings The person who was lied to may need time and space to process their feelings and decide if they want to continue the relationship. 

Other lies that can damage a relationship include:

• Minimizing your feelings or your partner’s actions
• Believing that you can change your partner
• Saying “We don’t need to talk about that”

MY QUEST: TRACK DOWN MY AQUATIC STEED! 🐴🌊

I’ve always been head over heels for seahorses!

My son, Thierry, totally nailed it with stunning blue seahorse paintings, reminiscing about our aquarium adventures.

He chuckled, recalling how I’d be glued to the seahorse tank, and he’d practically have to use a tow truck to pry me away!

I often daydream about what breakups were like back in 1982.

No pesky little computers buzzing in your pocket, reminding you of every awkward moment!

And where were the Impulsive, insecure, validation-seeking, narcissistic, borderline or sociopath types?

I can’t recall hearing those words, and life was bliss!

We met across a smoky, crowded dance floor, grooving to the absolute best live tunes of the 80s.

No swiping right, and folks didn’t toss relationships aside like last week’s leftovers!

Ah, the good ol’ 80s and 90s—when attachment styles were as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle!

Now we’ve got the scoop and can totally level up to that secure attachment vibe.

Having an anxious attachment, I used to think that winning someone’s love was the ultimate prize.

However, I now see that true fulfilment comes from within.

I discovered that no one else can save me; I must become my own first love.

I learned to guide and trust myself, embracing my worth beyond relationships. I had to become the person I’d want to be with.

Now, I choose to chase my dreams and self-love, not someone else to fill the void. I’m playing the game of life as my authentic self, not strategizing to win someone over.

It’s all a work in progress but know that time and inner work will help 🤍

You can do this, you are so resilient

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”

– Fyodor Dostoyevsky

But oh boy, when anxious and avoidant types collide, it’s like a match made in a horror movie!

And then there’s the disorganized attachment, a wild cocktail of anxious and avoidant—healing that beast is like wrestling a greased pig, but with a sprinkle of self-awareness, a dash of patience, and a whole lot of love, we can totally do it!

Imagine a line with 0 in the middle point and 10’s on either ends.

On one side there is avoidant, on another side there is anxious. But both are on a scale from 1 to 10 ( from only slightly to extreme). And depending where we are at, we attract partners. But also depending on our behaviours we can amplify each other to become less or more secure in their behaviour. ❤️

Remember, we’re all in this together, and I’m sending love and support your way!

A little nugget about trauma:

Experiencing childhood trauma can leave us feeling extremely vulnerable, even during our healing and recovery process.

We may be easily influenced by messages that affirm our pain, regardless of how simplistic they may seem, as they starkly contrast with the gaslighting and abuse we continue to face from our abusers and their enablers.

The core principle of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a prominent trauma treatment approach, is that there is nothing inherently wrong with you.

While you may have endured significant trauma, it does not define your worth.

Much of what society labels as “mental illness” actually reflects our mind-body’s remarkable ability to protect us.

For most individuals, there is nothing structurally or biochemically amiss, and it’s unfortunate that normal adaptive behaviours are often mischaracterized in the realm of “mental health.”

While trauma can lead to biochemical and neurological changes, these are adaptations that can be reversed—not through medication or talk therapy, but through practices like meditation, exercise, and a balanced diet.

Feeling unwell or down should be viewed like as a warning light in a car—an indication that something needs attention, not something to be masked with medication.

Simply silencing these signals does not facilitate healing; it’s akin to turning off the warning light without fixing the underlying issue.

Experiencing discomfort or sadness is a natural reaction to events we have endured or environmental factors, such as the foods we consume, viruses, or chemicals.

We all possess the capacity to self-heal from both physical and “mental” ailments, though it is beneficial to seek guidance, as the journey can be challenging.

Occasionally, we may require medications, but this is uncommon.

Our bodies are always striving to heal themselves and maintain safety, as this is the way they have evolved to function.

There is profound wisdom within our mind-bodies.

Dear Amia….

keep believing

risk your heart

find the others

You’ve got to remember, a whole world of potential lovebirds is out there just waiting for you!

It’s been many years since you’ve let anyone in, and that’s like putting your heart in solitary confinement!

Don’t let your soul suffer; there are tons of folks who would cherish your love.

I’m not trying to be harsh, but let’s face it: there’s no magical soulmate waiting at your door.

Life is a buffet of possibilities! Some options might look tastier than others, but you won’t know until you take a bite!

Clinging to the past or obsessing over someone who wasn’t meant to be is like tying your growth to a tree stump.

Newsflash: that person has probably already moved on! And if they haven’t, do you really want to be the one they’re toying with? Definitely not! Always remember: There is not one person walking this earth that is worth you laying awake at night feeling like you are not good enough.

Time to hit the reset button!

No more scrolling or sending texts; it’s time to torch those old mementos and steer clear of all the spots that scream “us.”

Say goodbye to those reminders and hello to new adventures!

Go out, explore fresh places, dive into exciting hobbies, and mingle with awesome folks.

Catch up with your besties because you’ve just unlocked a major life lesson—now you can spot those red flags from a mile away! Sometimes people show up as reflections of what we are not giving to ourselves, The key is focus on SELF. Love yourself harder and do what makes YOU happy.

When one door shuts another opens but have faith that rejection is protection.

Sometimes the people you wanted as part of your story, are only meant to be a chapter. You forgive them by accepting what they did. That doesn’t mean the pain is erased. It means admitting there is no rewind button. You can only move forward. You forgive them by regaining your life. Because there is so much more than one person who broke your heart.

You’re a dazzling gem filled with kindness and absolutely deserve to be treated like the royalty you are!

Your life will be full of love because you are full of love.

Please don’t ever forget that!

We will conclude with the wise words from Paola Delton…

Learn not to wait for a phone call, a message, a glance, a smile.

Learn not to wait for someone who slowed down because they wanted to lose you.

Learn not to wait for someone who forgets where they left you.

We wait for trains, planes, buses. We wait for holidays, the release of a new movie. We even wait for rain. But not for someone who doesn’t want to be there.

Because, you see, by waiting for those who have forgotten us, you lose those who are truly seeking only you.”

Remember…

YOU are not a rehabilitation centre
for anyone that doesn’t understand
what the word loyalty means

or comprehend to be committed…
… to HIS own word

Fact remains:
He lacks integrity when he falls back
on what he claims he will DO

AND circles back for crumbs again,
and again, and again…

What a circus event it has become…

that’s the reality

The end.

♥️

Explore you and sunsets and sunrises, and the endless blue ocean makes my heart do a happy dance!

It’s like a magical invite to merge with the waves. Suddenly, you realize you’ve got that same vastness and infinite depth bubbling inside you! 🌊🌅✨

We foster a community dedicated to helping individuals learn to love and respect themselves.

We are grateful for their contributions on the path to living an authentic life.

Always keep in mind that it is entirely possible to honour and care for your own needs while establishing healthy boundaries, all without causing unnecessary harm to those around you.

Being kind to others is an essential aspect of becoming the best version of yourself.

“Grow old with me the best is yet to be.”

Robert Browning