Most people who are using the no contact rule to get their ex back are very impatient. They want to hear from their ex sooner rather than later. Just as it took time to lose interest in you, it takes time to bring it back. If you both truly want it back. If you had all the feelings of anxiety with the break-up and your ex has the same feelings – the zombie feeling will come to them too. They need to want to reach out – it won’t happen over a few weeks. As time passes people forget the bad – time is especially important. Go live your life as time passes. By breaking no contact you are back to square one…no contact is simple just get on with your life – difficult if you have an anxious attachment style – but you can. Keep in mind the words of The Rolling Stones -Time is on my side, yes it is!
She is not going to pursue you.
She’s not going to sit there and prove her worth to you every day that passes.
She’s not going to try and manipulate you to believe that she’s better than everybody else.
Because she already knows she is.
She knows she’s the best thing that will ever come into your life.
“Nobody compares to me because I am a Goddess alive.”
She knows she’s not perfect but….
She knows what she’s been through, she has healed numerous times for the trauma, and she finally knows how valuable her life truly is.
If you get a chance to be part of her life, you should consider it a blessing.
If she allows you to see parts of her that she hides away from the outside world…you need to consider this a blessing as well.
If she wants you to be a part of her life, then it’s for a specific reason.
She doesn’t waste her time on temporary conversations anymore.
She has finally come to the conclusion that her time is precious so she’s not going to waste it on someone who didn’t realize she is too. She knows mixed signals indicate low interest. She knows he made contact after ghosting trying to use her and to get over her. He is ego-based and not at a stage of pure love.
“It’s okay to be disappointed that someone you were with didn’t turn out to be the one for you.
But you must not grieve as if they were the one for you”
Matthew Hussey
You deserve to be in a secure partnership. It’s not all about solving each others problems, it’s about enjoying each others problems.
I don’t want a toxic on and off love. I want someone that chooses me everyday even when I’m hard to deal with.
Dumper – Laugh now cry later
Dumpee – cry now laugh later
You ex has no value to you unless he or she reaches out to you. If they do, they must be sincere.
You have to trust your gut and you have to see it in their eyes.
You also have to realize that you now have the balance of power.
They have to earn you back. Don’t compromise your integrity. Don’t fight to get someone back who doesn’t want you. Get on with your own life. Be classy!
Never sacrifice your class to get even with someone who has none. Let them have the gutter, you take the high road.
Chasing after someone who is emotionally not available or doesn’t want to be with us is not an expression of love. It is fear that makes us chase. Love does not chase or beg.
What makes us chase is;
The fear of being alone.
The fear of being abandoned.
The fear of losing connection.
In short: The fear of having to confront challenging sensations in our body that feel so unpleasant that we rather chase someone who doesn’t want us.
7 Stages The Dumper Goes Through During No Contact
1. relief/ satisfaction / anger 2. excitement 3. sadness 4. anger 5. guilt 6. confusion / uncertainty 7. curiosity
The stages are reversed to the dumpee
If they contact you at their lowest, and you are at your highest; ignore them even more.
No contact always works.
You just focus on working on yourself.
The outcome with the ex will either be:
1. They come back and beg for another shot and you give them a chance.
2. They come back and beg for another shot and you realize you no longer want them anymore.
3. They never come back and you are ok because you’ve already moved on.
4. They never come back and you realized they never cared that much and you are glad they left you.
No matter what, just work on yourself and look and feel your best and update your style….change that wardrobe, become successful – focus on becoming someone you wanted to be before the ex came along.
All I have learned is to let go if you truly loved that person.
” I am going to make myself that person that attracts what she wants.”
I AM IN YOU & YOU ARE IN ME
WE ARE IN LOVE & IN PERFECT HARMONY
Ways to let go:
1) Learn to let your mind be free, love and respect your own body first. It’s precious!
2) Live in the present, the past is ego (emotional baggage). Turn the pain of the past into stylish luggage!
3) Convert , Anger into compassion. Jealousy in to generosity.
4) If you really loved that person you should be able to set them Free and give with out expecting anything in return.
5) Work on bettering your self every possible ways.. hit the yoga mat, don the boxing gloves, pump out at the gym.
6) Work on your career, spoil yourself: order flowers every week, pamper yourself; what ever shows, sign up for sexy sensual dance lessons, exercise, travel, meditate and journal.
6) The time you stop chasing honestly happiness will chase you if you do the right thing. I know you will be sad – but no contact is the best way as you can lower your standards and then you have to go through forgiveness to yourself – always ask yourself before reaching out to the ex; is this the best thing for me?, is is kind? what would love do?
- Consciously pause for a moment.
- Become present.
- Feel your heart.
- Remind yourself that this is just subconscious programming.
And then let go. Let go of all one-sided relationships. Let go of relationships that keep you stuck in a place of unworthiness. And the healing energy of love will enter your heart.
- Move on…Take a piece of paper write his/her name on it…. Set your intention; “I’m now ready to release all the energy from everything in this paper that’s affecting me negatively”
NOW take a match and BURN IT!!!
Signs it Won’t Last
The four horseman: 1. Defensive 2. Critical 3. Contempt 4. Stonewalling
Just 15 minutes of contempt can predict how many illnesses the body will deal with in the future.
The abuse can be so bad that it can spike your blood pressure, anxiety attacks, myopathy, complex regional pain disorder, and more. Contempt has a way of cutting into your soul and fabric of your being. Trauma shut down is quite common in dysfunctional relationships. It shows how deeply ingrained our programming is when it comes to how we connect, have learned to connect, and how important it can be to really move slowly if you want a lasting connection. Not to feel guilty if you did move fast and jump into the sexy stuff, as some relationships last right from the fast sensual start, if you have a secure attachment style and work on bringing the best out in each other.
I remember when I was chasing in the past. Chasing in my intimate life, chasing in my purpose. It felt immensely draining, exhausting, and my nervous system was completely hijacked.
When we chase, our energy becomes repelling because it is the energy of fear that is leading our behaviour, our actions, even our words – why we shouldn’t be texting to an ex.
The energy of love will never beg, never chase. Love just is. And when we are not welcome, not honoured, then that it is of course painful, but it will not make us bend, change, or disconnect from our truth.
If they are emotionally void…Emotionally empty. They can be disgustingly critical and selfish, yet entitled to be reactive and can find an excuse for everything and the excuses are lies. Focus on taking care of your beautiful self, and give yourself the love you need. They hurt you! Don’t feel bad about leaving them in the dust. Your indifference is THEIR fault… not yours. It teaches YOU a lesson: that your love is a great, divine thing and that you should never sell it short.
Ego and pride always destroys relationships and life in general.
What’s ruining Relationships?
- Unrealistic expectations
2. Unresolved childhood trauma.
Trauma is the cause of addiction.
Your love deserves respect, commitment, and reciprocity.
Acceptance. Appreciation & Action’s.
Because being humble and having no attachment is taking the higher road. If they want to play the game then that’s their business.
I’m not going to give up my dignity to set a power play.
Let them go with love because obviously they don’t love themselves enough to understand what they lost.
The opposite is what we deserve and can attract relationship success:
- Praise
- Respect
- Openness
- Sharing
I don’t want a relationship based on boundaries, I want to be close to you. The boundary memes have taken over the vocabulary of relationships, instigating fear instead of love.
You should never have resentment at the end of a relationship. Work different with the next relationship being always kind and communicate effectively.
“I only do nice things for people who treat me with respect”
Know the difference between those who stay to feel the soil & those who come to grab the fruit.
I have to tell you one thing….There is only one YOU and you are IRREPLACEABLE!!!
Sending you a burst of positivity! Remember, life is like a rollercoaster, with twists and turns.
You’re not alone in this wild ride, even strangers are cheering you on because we’re all in this together. So, wrap yourself in warm bear hugs and feel the love all around you.
Keep in mind, tough times don’t last forever, they’re just pit stops in the grand adventure of life.
Reset, recharge, and remember, you’ve got a whole squad rooting for you to conquer those boss battles! Embrace your unique journey, ditch the self-critiques, and remember, you’re a rare gem in this grand tapestry of existence.
Hold on tight, weather the storm, and watch those dark clouds part to reveal a brighter sky.
Love and light are always shining your way. Hugs and positive vibes, Lynnie xo
