By Lynnie Stein / January 19, 2020

Relationship Rules

• A successful relationship feeds small acts of love and attention

Twenty years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of jeans you wore, what car you drove or bike you rode. What will matter is how you loved, what you learned and how you applied this knowledge.

Don’t be miserable by neglecting the things that are so small.

Being together should make you feel positive and good all day long, every single day.

• Personally, I don’t like the idea of two people falling in love … what falls often breaks… it should be a commitment.

• However, fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, projects, music, art, literature, food and far-off places.

• Fall hard and forever in love with nothing but yourself.

• We need to save our energy for people who deserve our love.

Let go of what doesn’t serve you.

Love is strong… release those who are not ready to be with you.

What makes a committed, romantic relationship work?

• One single step can change your life is from Gottman’s literature.

• It conveys the message that small, regular steps are the best way towards accomplishment.

• This principle is called Kaizen. It is repairing connections between forgotten loved ones.

“Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”

Relationships are not just about ‘making the heart melt’ but ‘being weirdos together’ and doing the simplest positive things like bringing your partner a glass of water when you get one for yourself.

• Dancing together in the kitchen.

• A connection where you can grow to understand each other.

• Share each others dreams.

• Protect each others happiness and love like no other.

• Two people to come together and bring the best out in each other.

• Someone who you have an effortless connection with.

Honest, Loyal, Trust, Commitment & Healthy boundaries

• Treat each other with compassion and respect and care for each other.

• A tender, unhurried, stable, powerful & fulfilling love.

• When you are meant to be with someone it should be easy – it flows.

• Because you both feel safe & anchored.

A healthy relationship is not about finding the perfect match, it’s about choosing an ideal mate…where two independent people make a deal they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.

• The feel of excitement by the prospect of growing old together.

• Can open up and tell each other anything.

• A partner with no obligation to complete oneself.

Where the love for each other outweighs the need for each other.

Communication is important but comprehending is the key.

•Instead of focusing on big romantic gestures and extravagant events, it’s about simply giving your partner consistent small acts of love and attention.

• A tropical beach get away or fancy, expensive present won’t save your relationship if it is on the rocks.

• Rather, it is really about “the small moments of our lives that take up the biggest part of our hearts”.

Those kind of positive, everyday moments are what makes love last.

Gottman says the most important factor for a happy, healthy relationship is ATTENTION.

• Small moments of positive attention.

• He describes as a young boy, his mother once told him that it’s the little things that make the big difference, and, unfortunately, that those little things became non-existent in his parents’ marriage, resulting in divorce – research indicates that when those little moments of attention vanish from a relationship, its hard to keep it alive.

• However, if you are intentional about giving your attention to your partner, about turning toward them, and about appreciating, admiring, and being fond of them, your relationship can be wonderful and can last for eternity.

That’s part of the motto “small things often”, leading to big changes over time.

  1. Re-evaluate the reasons we are together
    2. Communicate …
    3. Do something special together … not one that costs money
    4. Cut out external influences
    5. Forgive each other
    6. Come clean about one thing
    7. Set boundaries with each other
    8. Most importantly is to know oneself … And that is not easy… a committed couple can help one another to be the best version of oneself.

Benjamin Franklin made a freaking powerful statement … “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.”

• To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by anyone. Just accept yourself.

Beware of the dream takers.

A kinda can be lethal

You know what kinda is? There is a lot of kinda peeps. You kinda want to get into shape, kinda want to have more money, kinda not be lonely … Simple … if you kinda want something, then you will kinda get the results you want.

Struggle and criticisms are prerequisites for greatness.

• Whether it be life or a committed relationship.

• Critics told Beyonce that she couldn’t sing… she went through depression but she kept going.

• The television execs fired Oprah said she was unfit for TV but she kept going.

No regret ..It is the law of the universe and no one escapes it. Because pain is life but you can choose what type?

Either the pain on the road to a successful partnership of love and life commitment or the pain of being haunted with regret.

• We have been given a gift that we call life. Life is a miracle.

Simple Rule In Life; If you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it to others.

• So don’t blow it. • You’re not defined by your past instead you were born anew in each moment.

• Sometimes you’ve got to leap.

• And grow your wings on the way down.

• There ain’t no over time in life.

• You cannot go back and make a brand new beginning.

• However, you can start and make a brand new ending.

There will come a time when you cross the bridge and realize that they’re a liar, a fraud and a rather pathetic individual who failed to mature emotionally.

And when you get to that place, blow the hell out of that bridge so it can never be crossed again.

Anna McCrea

I love me. I love you. I am beautiful. I deserve to be loved and feel special, every single day!

Perspective is everything.

• When faced with long check-out lines, traffic jams, or waiting an hour past your appointment time, you have 2 choices: get frustrated and angry or you can view it as life’s way of giving you a guilt-free breather from rushing, and spend that time daydreaming, conversing, or watching the clouds.

• The first choice will raise your blood pressure.

• The second choice will raise your consciousness.

Bread crumbing or Ghosting – if you see or feel it – get your running shoes on

“sooner or later you have got to let go of all that pain. you cannot hold on to it forever, you are not built to carry a mountain on your back, and you are not meant to collect ghosts during your journey. you are not meant for that! you are not meant to go through so much fucked up shit and hold it all within.

– r.m. drake
https://www.lynniestein.com/relationships-require/

Choose Her Everyday

  • “I spent 3 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.
  • I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant, funny, sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty.
  • Waking up with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly. And I told her often.

But you couldn’t choose her everyday, only when it suited you. So, we parted. All the dreams we shared were shattered.

She should be a priority never an option.

First she was a shiny pair of new shoes. Then you looked for new shoes because you were tired of the shoes. You should of chose her everyday. You will keep on looking and discarding just like a pair of shoes. Until one day you will look back and think what You did have but couldn’t choose her everyday.

• For her she has to let go of a meaningful love, making her feel like she is also letting go of everything it once was.

• But try to take the opportunity to acknowledge the good things about the relationship, including anything you might have learned from it.

• Validate those feelings.

• Give them space in your heart.

• Loving someone who’s not right for you, even someone who hurt you, doesn’t make you foolish or flawed.

• It’s easy to see the best in someone and hold out hope that they’ll change.

• It can take time to shift your perspective and realize they probably won’t change.

They were an illusion.

• They filled you with talk without the action.

• Humans are unique beings with complex emotions.

No matter how much you want to stop loving someone, it’s hard to simply flip a switch on your feelings.

• You may always carry those feelings with you in some form.

Love doesn’t always go away just because we want it to.

• But even if you can’t entirely stop loving someone who doesn’t love you or who’s caused you harm, you can manage those feelings in positive, healthy ways so they don’t continue to cause you pain.

• You need to understand that she is not just what you can see.

• Her soul is carved with tears and smiles.

•There are scars behind her smile.

• She has suffered for believing in people, believing in words, and believing in love.

• Yes her tears have dried, but the stains have stayed.

• So when you hug her, you don’t hug just her roses.

• You hug her thorns as well.

• You can’t have her rain if you can’t take her fire.

• So not all tantrums are tantrums.

Sometimes, she is just too scared to trust.

She was born into judgments.

  • She was made to feel insecure about her body, her ways, and her talks.
  • She was always chained to behave “a particular” way.
  • So don’t bring to her “How I want my girl to be.”
  • Just let her be free. Let her be wrong.
  • Let her be wild.
  • Let her be not “lady-like.”
  • She does not want to be told how she should be.
  • She wants you to hold her and tell her that she is perfect the way she is.
  • That’s what a girl wants the most in the boy she loves.
  • She wants him to love her, admire her, and treasure her for what she really is.
  • If you want her to become someone else for you to keep loving her, then you are not loving her.
  • You are just petting her. You want to own a slave, a made to order barbie doll.
  • Make her feel special.
  • Tell her that she looks amazing with that extra fat on her bones.
  • Tell her that pimples don’t take away her beauty.
  • Tell her that even on her bad days, you find her hair perfect.
  • Tell her that she is so much more than her looks.
  • Tell her how amazing her thoughts are, her brain, her heart, and her dreams.
  • Even the strongest girl needs her man to tell her that he loves her, that she is worth loving.
  • She wants to feel safe with you, feel protected, and feel free.

Only a strong man can make her feel equally strong in a relationship.

  • Don’t give her happiness in your efforts, in your gifts.
  • Just support her to find and be her own happiness.

Men think that you can’t understand what a woman wants.

But the truth is she wants what any soul wants.

She wants to be respected, loved, and appreciated.

That’s all, a girl standing in front of a boy who means it when he says “I Love You.”

~ Rahul Kaushik 🙂
To read more such writings, you can order debut book on website. (External link)
— with Rahul Kaushik.

How to…

  • “…your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel that you’re listening to her.

In other words…

“…you never shut it down.

• You don’t close up your emotional shop.

• And you don’t pour yourself into booze or work or other women, or worst of all, SILENCE.

YOU COMMUNICATE.

•You listen.

•You actually hear what she says.

•You remain an active lover and partner instead of a flighty, coward, self-centred moron.

• Same goes for women, too. That one seems obvious enough.

There’s a ton of ego involved in this “let’s fall in love” stuff, and it’s high time we all just admit that.

• However, we can learn from life, from failed love, no matter how hard it’s been on us.

• No matter how much it may hurt to leave someone you love, or to be the who is left behind.

1 am ok, I am safe, I am loved.

• Shout out to all the people who haven’t felt okay recently, but are getting up every day and refusing to quit.

Stay strong, Big love, Xo,

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© 2022 Lynnie Stein