Once siblings don’t get along, there is a narcissistic parent or parents in the bloodline:

When siblings don’t get along, it’s rarely just about personality clashes or childhood rivalries. Often, it’s the aftermath of something much deeper — the invisible fingerprints of a narcissistic parent somewhere in the family line. Narcissistic parents don’t raise children to love each other; they raise them to compete, to perform, and to earn affection that was never freely given. The result? Adults who carry invisible scars from growing up in a house where love was conditional and comparison was constant.

A narcissistic parent plants division early. They might play favourites — showering one child with praise while quietly criticizing the other — then switching roles when it suits them. This creates confusion, jealousy, and a lifelong sense of “never being enough.”

The golden child and the scapegoat dynamic is born. The golden child learns to seek validation through pleasing the parent, while the scapegoat becomes the emotional dumping ground, blamed for everything that goes wrong. Neither role is love — both are manipulation.

Over time, those roles solidify. As adults, siblings may find it nearly impossible to connect authentically. One may still crave approval from the narcissistic parent, unconsciously siding with them and dismissing the other’s pain. The other may go low or no contact, trying to heal but feeling guilty for breaking the unspoken family rules of silence and loyalty. The parent, meanwhile, sits at the center, often pretending confusion: “Why can’t you two just get along?” — as if they didn’t light the fire themselves.

The saddest part is that many siblings never realize the root of their disconnection. They see each other as enemies instead of fellow survivors. They replay the same toxic dynamics, not knowing that the real puppeteer is the emotional legacy of narcissistic parenting. Until someone sees it clearly and breaks the cycle, the dysfunction keeps echoing through generations — resentment, rivalry, and emotional distance passed down like heirlooms.

Healing begins when one sibling steps back and starts to see the pattern for what it is — not personal failure, but programming. When they stop fighting each other and start understanding the manipulation, everything changes. Naming the dysfunction is powerful; it breaks the spell of confusion that narcissistic families thrive on. From there, boundaries become possible, and with boundaries comes peace.

In the end, not all siblings will reconcile, and that’s okay. Sometimes, healing means releasing the need to fix what was never within your control. It means recognizing that the true enemy was never your brother or sister, but the unhealthy system that turned you against each other. Once you see that clearly, you reclaim your power — not to repair the past, but to protect your peace and ensure the cycle ends with you.