When an almost relationship comes to an end, there’s usually not a definitive breaking point. New research shows that relationships are actually more vulnerable to demise far sooner than the dreaded seven year itch. The most common time for a couple to split is right around the two year mark.
There’s just drifting, fading. You wonder what happened, what went wrong. It’s usually at that point you might start to think you’re crazy for getting so attached.
Just once by Keira Vanderkolk
The very thing that distinguishes us both
is that I wouldn’t hesitate to choose you in every lifetime
but you wouldn’t even choose me in this one
and although I gave you my flesh and bones
I know I cannot love you into loving me
so there you are overflowing with my love
and here I am pleading for a droplet of yours or whatever I could salvage
but there must come a time where you recognize that to grieve someone
hurts a lot less than forcing them to be a part of you
and I know I should not beg for love
but just once I wanted someone to be afraid of losing me
- The lyrics to Nina Simone’s “You’ve Got To Learn” … You’ve got to learn to hide your tears
- And tell your heart life must go on
- It’s an adaptation from a French song (Charles Aznavour, “Il faut savoir”).
One must know
To still smile
When the best has pulled back
And all that is left is the worst
Of a stupid life that you want to cry
- Charles Aznavour, released in December 1961
- But it’s still a universal story…
But, you know what’s “crazy?”
Thinking that it’s normal to connect with someone so deeply and then just not care about it.
- You’re not “crazy” for getting attached.
- It’s crazy that we treat dating so casually now.
- You’re not “crazy” for caring.
- It’s crazy that someone could put so much time and effort into your relationship and then just disappear.
- You’re not “crazy” for reading into it.
- It’s crazy that someone could think they could only lead you on when it’s convenient for them.
Don’t let anyone call you “crazy” for developing a real human connection and then caring about that connection.
- That doesn’t make you “crazy,” it makes you healthy and strong and open-hearted and ultimately someone who will absolutely receive real love one day.
- The truth is — modern dating is disheartening.
- We act like ordering a date is the same as ordering some dinner off of Uber.
- Everyone’s a profile, a picture, and we forget that there are real, true feelings behind that.
- Modern dating is a game of who is more cool, who is more casual, who cares less.
- But to hell with that.
- There is nothing wrong with you for caring.
- There is, however, something wrong with a person who thinks you can foster deep affection and then just walk away as though it is nothing.
- Those people aren’t walking away from you because you’re not enough.
- They’re walking away from you because they need to walk toward someone who will tolerate their half-loves.
- They’re walking away from you because they need to walk away from vulnerability.
- They’re walking away from you because they need to walk toward their own demons, and resolve those first.
- Don’t let other people make you feel bad because they showed up and made you care about them and then walked away.
- It’s not “crazy” to feel love for the people we’ve shared love with.
It’s crazy that someone could do that and then walk away like it meant nothing at all.
One day You will thank yourself for never giving up.
How do you do a successful relationship?
It’s Not How You Start, It’s How You Journey Through
- Once you decide that the relationship is viable, do something about it.
- Don’t make your decision and then hope things will get better.
- Actively work to move your relationship further.
- Try new things.
- Do things your partner likes to do.
- Be romantic on purpose.
- Relationships take heaps of effort.
- It’s time to put in the work.
- What most couples who end their relationship there don’t realize is that this is just a phase. It’s a part of the process and happens to all couples.
The Five Stages Every Relationship Goes Through
- The first mistake couples make is believing that when the “infatuated” feeling fades, it’s a sign that the love is fading as well.
- They think that when the butterflies are gone, it’s time to end the relationship.
- Nothing could be further from the truth.
- When it comes to relationships, experts agree there are five distinct stages.
- Every relationship goes through these stages.
- The ones that last successfully make it through all five, but most relationships get stuck and fall apart during stage three.
Stage 1: Passion and Romance
- This is the honeymoon or infatuation stage
- It is filled with lots of kisses and touching each other for no particular reason.
- It is when you are completely taken by your mate and are blind to his or her flaws.
- It is the easiest phase to endure and very intense.
Stage 2: Getting Serious
- This is still within the infatuation or honeymoon stage.
- You are still blinded by love but have the clarity to see that this relationship has long-term potential. This is when the relationship becomes exclusive and you begin making long-term plans with your partner.
- There is still lots of hand-holding, cuddling, and you give each other meaningful nicknames. You begin to share yourself more intimately with your mate.
Stage 3: Relationship Plateau
- Stage three is when the relationship becomes real.
- The blinders are off and you see your partner for who they really are.
- Physical touch like hand-holding, kissing and other forms of physical intimacy may be starting to slow down a bit.
- The butterflies are gone and your partner doesn’t seem as cute as they once were.
- The hardest part about stage three is that you both begin to question the relationship: where is the passion we used to have for each other? is our love fading away? is he/she the one I can be with for a longer time?
Stage 4: Moving Beyond Infatuation
- Once you’ve chosen to move past stage three and to stick with the relationship, you develop a deep and intimate bond. This is the time when couples really begin to merge their lives.
- Serious discussions concerning marriage, kids and finances ensue and plans are made to move the couple forward as a unit.
- This is when the relationship is solidified and the couple builds a life together. Many couples make it to this phase and experience a long, healthy and meaningful relationship.
- But there is one more phase…
Stage 5: Becoming a Team
- Stage five of the relationship is when the couple becomes a solid team.
- The relationship moves past “me and you” decision-making and the team becomes more important than the individuals.
- This is the part of a relationship everyone longs for but few reach.
- It’s the true love phase.
- It’s when the couple has the best chance of making it to “happily-ever-after.”
- That’s not to say that there will not be challenges, hardships and bumps in the road. But it does mean that both parties are committed to staying and making the relationship work no matter what.
- It’s the phase of full acceptance and unconditional love.
Breaking Through the Honeymoon Stage – How to make a romantic relationship last
- Most relationships that end do so somewhere within stage three.
- Other relationships can last for years and never make it out of stage three, but the relationship is not healthy and neither partner is fulfilled.
- The first thing you must understand when you began to feel disillusioned is that feelings don’t sustain a relationship. Feelings are unreliable because they vary and are subject to moods and external factors.
- Think of when a family celebrates the arrival of a new-born. At first, all of the attention is on the new addition and everything is sweet and cute. After a few months of dirty diapers, spit up and random crying, the initial excitement passes but that doesn’t mean the parents don’t love the baby anymore.
- A romantic relationship works similarly. It’s the struggling process that helps both partners grow and this process also helps the relationship grow into something better, something that will last. Giving up at Stage 3 is like declaring the death of a patient with a beating heart.
- The duration of each stage is different for every couple. For some couples, the honeymoon stage may last for years and for others a few months. The important thing to note is the length of the stage has no correlation to the viability of the relationship.
- When you reach stage three, you have the power to determine how long it lasts. Getting out of stage three requires you to make a decision. You must decide that your relationship is worth it and you must chose to go all in.
- Here are a few things you can do to help move your relationship out of stage 3:
Recognize that questioning your relationship is normal and necessary.
Allow yourself time to assess whether or not your concerns are simply connected to a loss of passion or if you have legitimate concerns about your partner and the relationship.
Talk about your concerns with the right person.
- Make sure that you share your concerns with your partner. Saying something as simple as “I feel that our relationship is getting a bit boring these days, I think we should do something about it,” could be the juice the relationship needs. It will start a dialogue and assist you both in actively addressing your concerns.
- Sharing your concerns and seeking advice from others during this time is normal and acceptable, just be careful who you listen to.
Make a decision and then put in the work.
- Once you decide that the relationship is viable, do something about it. Don’t make your decision and then hope things will get better.
- Actively work to move your relationship further.
- It’s Not How You Start, It’s How You Journey Through
All relationships take time, energy and targeted, intentional effort.
It doesn’t matter how “lovey-dovey” cute and cuddly you are in the beginning.
The honeymoon will end.
And when it does you must work in order to make it last.
Stage three doesn’t have to be the death of your relationship. You control whether to relationship lives or dies.
Will your relationship become a stage fiver?
you are meant to be loved. to be held. to feel safe. and to be reminded of how beautiful you are as a person. as a soul. there’s still hope. don’t let a few assholes make you believe that love is bullshit. it’s not. believe me. it’s not.
What did he teach you?
- The red flags you ignore in the beginning is the reason it all ends.
- Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.
- Don’t trust anyone too much because people can change anytime.
- Don’t make someone your everything, because once they leave, you’ll have nothing.
- Communicate with your partner effectively.
- If you constantly have to tell someone the same exact thing about how you feel and they don’t change it; Understand that they don’t love you.
- Always become friends first and develop an understanding because when feelings disappear, the butterflies in the stomach dies too.
- Never let anyone disrespect you no matter how much you love them.
- Always choose self-respect over love.
- Relationships don’t come with a warranty and being in love is no guarantee of a happy ending.
- Date someone who makes you feel loved everyday, who can never see tears in your eyes.
- Words mean nothing – action counts.
- Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
- People are unpredictable!
- We most often want things we cannot have and that’s just the Ego.
- It’s best to move on, it’s not worth your health.
- Be with someone who appreciates every piece of you!
- Who appreciates that you are part of their lives.
- Don’t ever sell yourself short!
- You are one of a kind.
- What you lose will find you again perhaps not today, but right when you need it the most.
Stop following the crowd…They are lost
Look at you, glowing with self love and becoming a magnet to good vibrations.
We want to feed you!
(with interesting, mouth-watering updates)
P.S. FREE GIFT!
I’ll send you love letters regularly with more delicious goodies to help your life and tummy shine.
You may unsubscribe at anytime.