The Dynamic Journey of Growth

Embark on the exhilarating journey of cultivating partnerships, exploring the enigmatic world of s*x, embracing the choice of being single over feeling undervalued, and discovering the extraordinary version of yourself!

So live a little, the image says. I think what it really means is: live completely. Live like someone who knows, really knows, not just intellectually but in their bones, that the ordinary day you are standing in right now is the only one you are guaranteed.

Say “f*ck you” to the haters and hug the purring pussy cat!!

Janelle Monáe has always held a special place in my heart. When I first encountered her music, I was utterly captivated by her unique sound, profound lyricism, and striking aesthetic. Rest assured, I’ve been eagerly sitting in the front row, ready to absorb the latest lessons she shares about achieving freedom.

“I’m better than this moment, it will pass. I love myself at and in every evolution, both beneficial and non-beneficial good, bad or indifferent. I honour myself for operating in the fullness that I could at that time and at that space. I’m proud of myself for the bravery to grow, I’m proud of myself for finding tools and figuring this shit out! I will give myself Grace to figure it out, Grace to stumble, Grace to pause.

I highlight and I cancel all contracts and agreements that don’t serve me for my highest good and I give myself permission to evolve as often as I need to in any way that I need to without explanation.”

Janelle Monáe

It’s the sweet taste of freedom.

It’s the natural state we were always meant to be living in, but for some of us, we lost it along the way.

If you haven’t yet, I really hope you reclaim it, and soon.

You are very deserving of living your life completely free to be your magnificent self.

Embracing Challenges as Opportunities

Every challenge and adversity holds within it the potential for untapped opportunity, boundless growth, and transformation. These struggles act as a purifying fire.

The only true unforgivable sin in life is failing to become who we truly are—who we are meant to be.

We are never alone in our life struggles. The world, and indeed the entire Universe, stands with us.

The Universe communicates with us, guiding our evolution as we confront and overcome life’s challenges. We harness every experience to our advantage.

Grade school Life Lessons…

“It’s not about you” …my life changed when I started to understand that nothing in this world can affect me unless I give it that power. The way people treat you is not a reflection of you it’s a reflection of how they see themselves and what they’re feeling.

A mind is the most dangerous thing. Overthinking is what makes us miserable.

Preparing for speeches you never give. On and on, an endless stream of commentary – endless stream of conversation about yourself, that is constantly projecting into the future. We can create constant chatter by focusing too much on things we can’t control, a fear of letting go and comparing too much.

The monkey chatter (the internal voice) in your head does stop…if you just sit quite for a moment and observe and do NOT interact with them they stop…and in that silence…Miracles happen.

Once you realize you are not your mind, you have control over thoughts. It’s amazeballs!!!

I am not my body, I am not even my mind. I am just a witness.

Try as we might to live in a world dominated by our own interests, we will suffer and fail to realize our humanity unless we are constantly working to connect our sphere of concern with the concerns of others.

Hierocles offers a simple solution based on his ingenious model. We should try always to bring the outer circles closer to ourselves—that is, to treat family like you would yourself; to treat a friend as you would family; to treat a fellow citizen as you would a friend; to treat a countryman as a fellow citizen; and, finally, to treat a foreigner as you would your own countryman. In all that we do, we should try to bring these circles closer to ourselves.

No man is an island, and none untouchable.

The phrase is often invoked to remind people that no one is truly “untouchable” or completely independent.

While some individuals may seem or feel immune to the struggles of others or the vulnerabilities of life, this phrase asserts that in the end, humanity is interconnected—we need each other to thrive and survive.

But, even though the world’s population is over 8 billion people, many of us have never felt as alone.

Social media has made us more connected than ever before and yet we somehow feel more isolated.

We can reconnect with old classmates or make new friends on social media, yet we feel that we have less intimate connections than the generation before us. Research suggests that we are also spending more time working than we have in previous decades which means that at any given point of time we are either surrounded by family and friends or colleagues at work.

All those extra hours spent with other people at work should help us more connected, right?

Well, the statistics indicate the opposite. According to an online survey of 55,000 people from around the world, called the BBC Loneliness Experiment found that levels of loneliness were actually highest among 16-24 year-olds, with 40% saying that they often feel very lonely.

Being connected to others socially is widely considered a fundamental human need – crucial to both well-being and survival. While we eventually grow into mature adults who can care for ourselves and get basic needs met, we never outgrow the need for connection.

There is very little in life (if anything) more important than our relationships. To bring out the best in each other and to experience more love and intimacy, we need to learn to come back to the present moment again. Even though we cannot change the other person, we can learn to bring out the best in them—and ourselves.

“Intimacy is not purely physical, It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you see into their soul.” ~Unknown

What Actions Can We Take?

One effective way I have personally tackled social isolation and loneliness is through writing.

The accessibility and transformative power of writing present a significant opportunity for mental health improvement. According to experts like Dr Jeremy Noble, a public health practitioner, and numerous health professionals, when individuals express what’s in their hearts and minds through writing, they often experience emotional relief and improved health.

I discovered that simply articulating my personal feelings and emotions on paper helped me organize and understand my own experiences and thoughts. This practice also aids in demystifying fears and alleviating anxiety, enabling you to confront your past, present, and future simultaneously.

In fact, the benefits of writing extend to everyone, whether distressed or not. It facilitates a profound exploration of your feelings and helps make sense of the world around you. With practice, writing can even become an enjoyable activity.

Key Takeaway

As a writer, I’ve witnessed first-hand the advantages of engaging in regular expressive writing. Channelling your thoughts creatively not only fosters a deeper connection with yourself but also bridges the social gap by sharing your creativity with others. I encourage more people to recognize that expressive writing can enhance well-being, much like exercise and healthy eating do. So, grab a pen and start writing creatively, or if you prefer technology, consider using Snaps: Memories & Thoughts for all your writing endeavours.

Persist and Resist

The courage and perseverance to keep moving toward what is top-notch, and the self-control and awareness to resist what is damaging.

These are the ingredients of freedom, whatever one’s condition.

Quote of the day by Maya Angelou: I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Psychology says truly good women understand this at a cellular level.

So how do we actually do this? How do we become women who understand this principle “at a cellular level”?

Start by paying attention to what you’re really communicating. When you critique someone’s work, are you making them feel incompetent or capable of growth? When you share advice, are you making them feel small or empowered? When you succeed, are you making others feel left behind or inspired to rise with you?

The women who leave the strongest positive impressions share certain behaviours. They remember details about people’s lives and follow up.

They celebrate others’ wins without making it about themselves. They admit their mistakes without self-deprecation. They offer help without keeping score.

Most importantly, they’ve learned something that took me years to understand: being right matters less than being kind. You can win every argument and lose every relationship. You can have all the correct answers and leave people feeling stupid. Or you can choose to make people feel capable, valuable, and understood.

What really gets me excited is thinking about the compound effect of this approach. When you make someone feel truly valued, they carry that feeling forward. They treat others with more patience, more generosity, more recognition. It creates ripples that extend far beyond your initial interaction.

And you know what? I find myself being more patient with the stressed parent in line behind me, more encouraging to the new vendor setting up beside me at the writers stand or market.

This is what Maya Angelou understood. Our emotional impact on others isn’t just about them; it becomes part of how they move through the world.

Final thoughts

As I write this, I’m thinking about all the women who made me feel capable when I doubted myself, seen when I felt invisible, valuable when I felt disposable. I can’t quote their exact words. I can’t always remember specific actions.

But I carry the feeling of being believed in, and it has shaped every risk I’ve taken, every boundary I’ve set, every kindness I’ve extended.

This is our power as women who understand this principle deeply. We’re not just having conversations or completing transactions or managing teams. We’re creating emotional experiences that people will carry with them, possibly forever. We’re literally shaping how people feel about themselves and their place in the world.

The question isn’t whether you’ll be remembered. The question is: what feeling will you leave behind?

English novelist and broadcaster Elizabeth Day shared precious words about the late MAFS star Mel Schilling…

“This is an introduction I really hoped against hope I would never have to record… even when Mel was dying of cancer I still thought it would be completely illogical for her to actually die,” she said.

“Mel was the embodiment of vibrant life. Her smile and eyes could generate enough electricity to power the national grid. She was an extraordinary person, someone I’m so lucky to have got to call my friend.”

Day said she felt grateful to Mel’s family for allowing her to visit her just before she passed away.

“I will miss Mel so much but I will still feel her vibrancy coursing through the atmosphere. I feel her urging me on and you on to find love and to believe yourself to be worthy of it.”

Schilling’s husband, Gareth shared …

to the Australian dating coach’s Instagram account, confirming that his “soulmate” had passed away.

“Life can be beautiful, and life can be incredibly cruel.

But ultimately, life is fleeting, fragile, and tomorrow is promised to no one,” he wrote, in part.

“If you can do anything to honour Mel, please live life to the full, love your people well, and try not to sweat the small stuff.

“I had 15 wonderful years with my soulmate, and it was the privilege of my life to be by her side.

For that, I will be forever thankful.

“Goodbye, my love. My one. Until we meet again.”

Schilling’s death comes just a couple of weeks after she publicly shared that her “light is starting to fade – and quickly” after the discovery that her cancer had spread to her brain.

She was first diagnosed with colon cancer in December 2023, but was initially given the all-clear after the removal of the tumour.

However, a scan in February the following year revealed that the cancer had metastasised and was present in her lungs. Friends, colleagues and MAFS stars and fans alike also expressed their grief in the comments section of the post announcing Schilling’s death, with Nine host David Campbell describing her as a “true angel”.

“I never understood the truth of the phrase ‘she lights up a room’ until I met Mel,” “There was an inner radiance to her; a spark; a dazzle. It wasn’t just the smile or the obvious beauty. It wasn’t just the sequins she loved or the glittery eyeshadow. It was deeper than that. It was the generosity that accompanied it.

“She wanted others to shine, to feel special and to be loved.

To be in her company was to feel anything was possible.

Day went on to explain that they’d met when Schilling appeared on her How To Fail podcast, and that they’d “immediately hit it off”.

“She was vibrant and funny but she was also deliciously savage in her humour when the situation warranted it.

“She found it hilarious that I had a crush on her fellow MAFS expert, Jon Aiken and would sometimes WhatsApp me unexpected photos of him in black tie from some promotional photoshoot they’d just done. ‘For your eyes only’ she’d text.”

“Mel’s attitude was always ‘why not?’ Why not aim high?

Why not dance till the early hours?

Why not have another spicy margarita?

Why not meet the love of her life online at 39?”

Mel brought so much love to the world. It makes me happy to think that she found love with the amazing Gareth and their incredible daughter Maddie. To watch that family go through the unimaginable has been a lesson in courage and grace. A lesson in love, most of all.

‘She’s affected a lot of people’s lives’

Some of those who found love on the show thanked Schilling for making such an impact on their lives.

Tayah Aveling, who met husband Adam on the programme, told BBC Radio 5 Live: “I don’t think we would be together if it wasn’t for her.

“She played such a massive part in putting us together, and I think she knew that we were going to be a couple that would go the distance. I think that they could really see that, and it’s all credit to her.”

Adam added: “There’s probably a lot of people out there that credit her as well for being together. She’s affected a lot of people’s lives.”

Mafs Australia’s Michael Brunelli, who has just had a second baby with the wife he met on the show, said: “Rest in peace Mel. Thank you for everything you did for Martha and I. We’ll talk about you when our kids ask how we met.

“You were so genuinely caring to us on the show and we’ll always be grateful for it.

Thank you for everything.”

In todays world we have more access (this goes for men and women) than any other generation, yet somehow we still can’t commit, stay loyal, or be satisfied.

Too much access didn’t create fulfilled peeps, it created people who don’t know how to value anything.

It’s like we have got this illusion of choice, this endless scroll of options, and it’s made the dating population kinda numb. They’re chasing the next high, the next fix, but they’re missing out on the real thing. Connection, intimacy, commitment – it’s all getting lost in the noise. And it’s not just about women. Men and women are losing themselves in the process, losing the art of being human.

You don’t have to be having s!x with others to cheat. If you’re half-in, half-out, that’s not love – that’s your ego.

Cheating doesn’t always look like tangled sheets and lipstick-stained guilt. It’s not deleting the dating app. That’s not loyalty. That’s just low-effort deceit. Here’s a thought…you’re hurting everyone. Cheating starts when you start hiding. When your truth gets slippery. It’s not the act. It’s the avoidance. You don’t want to choose because choosing feels like losing, the fantasy, the what-if, the dopamine drip of maybe someone hotter is just around the corner.

Choose someone who chooses you.

It’s a paradox right? More options, less satisfaction. More access, less connection. They’re searching for fulfilment in all the wrong places, and it’s leaving them empty.

What do you think is the antidote to this cycle of dissatisfaction?

I always had this hunch I’d bump into my special someone, though the timing and method were as mysterious as a cat in a magician’s hat. I mean, who’s got a crystal ball for that, right?

I’m aware I’m a bit of a rollercoaster ride, having weathered life’s storms and still standing here, grinning like a champion. My pals think I’m bonkers for holding onto love after hitting so many heartbreak cul-de-sacs. But hey, that’s just the wild, romantic me!

I believe in soulful love, intense passion and real feelings.

Soulmate Love; a pure connection, unadulterated by history, neurosis, baggage, blockage or regret – certain, joyful, unfettered, knowing.

Two souls, dancing together inside the quiet rhythms of the universe.

How cool is that?

I don’t need anyone to complete me, fix me or make me whole..

I can do all that on my own. Relationships are for sharing, not for filling voids. Shifts the focus from needing a partner to “fix” or “save” you, to choosing a partner to enhance your life.

Not everyone will notice all of you. Some will admire the parts they can handle and leave the rest.

Some will leave when it’s inconvenient to stay. That’s not your fault. It’s just life. Not everyone is capable of holding your depth. Not everyone is meant to remain.

You don’t have to fix yourself for them.

Your contradictions, your edges, your restless thoughts; they are not mistakes. They are what make you alive. It’s not selfish to guard your energy, to say no, to protect your peace. It’s not arrogance to insist your time, your attention, your care are yours first.

I am learning this slowly, in tiny stubborn moments. It’s hard not to want to be liked, to be validated, and to be “enough” in someone else’s eyes. But each time I stop reshaping myself, each time I let myself exist as I am, a little weight lifts. I remember what it feels like to belong to myself first.

To the person reading this, remember: you are not broken for being fully who you are. It speaks to the idea of unapologetic authenticity—that our quirks, histories, emotions, and true selves are not defects to be fixed, but rather the fabric of who we are. Embracing that fully is often the first step toward genuine peace and connection.

The world will try to press you into someone else’s story. You don’t have to comply. Your worth is not about comfort, approval, or acceptance from others.

But I do want someone who understands me, loves me unconditionally and makes me feel at peace…

More than that, I want the one whose kiss excites me while their touch soothes and electrifies me simultaneously.

Everyone tells me I’ll never find someone like that, but I know differently.

I’ve seen it all around me- friends, grandparents and strangers, so I know that kind of love is real and exists-

And you have to be willing to risk it all when the love of your life shows up.

Sometimes, you only get one chance to fulfil your destiny and I’m never going to be the person saying “if only.”

They might even show up ten thousand miles away from me, that won’t matter..

What’s meant to be will always be, but I’m going to do my part..

And when they look in my eyes, I’ll know just why they’re the one…more than likely, probably long before that.

I’ll know from our first exchange..

Because they get me- really get me.

They see all of me and accept me for everything that I am..

And even as he picks up the unlovable pieces of me that everyone else walked away from, he’ll still be there..

Strong, loyal and loving.

So, how will I know when love comes calling?

Because he’ll embrace my heart, mind, body and soul. Someone I can look at and feel so proud of him.

Not based on his achievements, but genuinely because of how beautiful the soul of this person is.

And in that instant, I’ll know.

He’s the one I want for always.. We will have each other’s back.

And we’ll never look back.

I am here for you.

“I am here for you” is often considered more important than “I love you” because it transforms a feeling into a tangible action, moving from affection to commitment and consistency.

While “I love you” expresses an emotion, “I am here for you” provides evidence of that love, creating security and trust when it matters most.

In short, “I love you” is a declaration, but “I am here for you” is a demonstration that makes love real.

You deserve to be loved consistently, respectfully, and deeply—not in halves, but fully.

You deserve someone who sees your worth, supports your passion, and offers peace rather than chaos. Remember, you are worthy of love simply because you exist, not for what you do.

“We accept the love we think we deserve”.

This quote reminds us that our self-worth shapes the relationships we allow into our lives.

When we believe we deserve kindness, respect, and care, we naturally seek healthier connections.

But when self-doubt takes over, we may settle for less.

Growth begins by changing how we see ourselves.

“May all the good you’ve ever given circle back and return to you.”

“You deserve someone who will love you with no limits”.
“You deserve to be with the kind of person who loves all of your twists and who does not try to untie them”.

Repeat after me…

The alternative to being “super single” is often settling, which can be far more destructive to your well-being than being alone. Settling can cause you to shrink your needs, accept less-than-stellar effort, and feel lonely even while in a relationship.

Lots of folks chirp, “Hey, you’re single, go date a bunch of guys!” But, nope, I’m good, and here’s the scoop. Sure, I’m human and sometimes yearn for a cosy cuddle, but I won’t let temporary visitors mess with my mind, body, and soul. I want soul-to-soul connections, not just face-to-face chats over shallow lattes. Tomorrow’s a mystery, so why waste time on hollow chatter?

Yeah, loneliness pops by now and then, but until my soul shouts, “Eureka!” over someone special, I’m flying solo. Being single doesn’t mean my life’s a public drop-in centre. Peace beats attention any day, and I’d rather face solitude than a misfit parade. Walking solo in truth trumps chilling with soul-suckers.

If waiting means finding something genuine and sacred, count me in. That’s not sad—it’s self-respect in its most glorious form!

Why “Sexy Super Single” is a Thriving State

• Freedom and Autonomy: Being single allows you total control over your time, environment, and decisions, from how you spend your weekends to how you decorate your home.
• No Compromise: You avoid the, often heavy, burden of compromising your habits, finances, or routine for a partner who isn’t a perfect match.
• Higher Quality of Life: Studies show that single individuals often have stronger friendships, better health, and less stress compared to those in mediocre or draining relationships.
• Self-Discovery: Without the need for a partner to define your identity, you have the space to understand your own values and needs, which builds incredible self-worth. 
• Because your current life is fulfilling, a partner is viewed as a complement to your life rather than a necessity for your happiness. This creates a high bar, which is actually a protective mechanism against settling. A person who is “the one” according to this standard likely offers:
• Peace, Not Pressure: Their presence feels like a safe harbour, not a source of conflict or stress.
• A “We” Perspective: He adds to your life without diminishing your individuality.
• Growth Potential: He inspires you to be better, while fully accepting you as you already are.

You win either way.

• If “the one” appears, you enter a relationship that strengthens your already great life.
• If not, you continue enjoying the peace and independence of your own company.

It’s a position of strength—enjoying your own company means you are never truly alone.

I want a lover who pursues me and cares about me and we’re obsessed with each other but live separately without societal pressure.

Something about that sentence just feels like freedom wrapped in romance.

No labels, no timelines, no pressure to merge your entire existence into one household just because the world says that is the next step. Just two people who chose each other willingly, who show up because they want to, not because a contract says they have to.

He has his space, you have yours, and somewhere in between lives a connection so magnetic that distance only makes it burn hotter.

No fighting over dishes, no debating whose turn it is to take out the rubbish bins, just pure, unfiltered desire to be in each other’s presence every single time.

And the beauty of it is that the love stays intentional. He does not get comfortable because he never gets the chance to take you for granted. Every time he sees you, it is an event. Every date still feels like a date. Every kiss still has electricity behind it because proximity has not turned passion into routine and habit.

You get to miss each other, crave each other, and fall in love over and over again without the weight of domesticity dulling the flame.

You wake up in your own bed, in your own peace, in your own energy, and when you come together it is because your souls demanded it, not because the lease has both your names on it.

This is not for everyone, and that is exactly what makes it so alluring.

It is for the woman who has learned that love does not have to look traditional to feel extraordinary, and that sometimes the most passionate love stories are the ones that refuse to follow anyone’s rules but their own.

Kurt Russell shared insight into his relationship with Goldie Hawn to The Wall Street Journal saying that when they reconnected in 1983 “Both of us had been through divorces, and she had two small kids—Oliver and Kate—and I had one, Boston.

For more than forty years, they’ve stuck together: no wedding rings, no fuss. Their approach was always simple: have fun together until it stops being fun. Decades later, they’re still smiling, still together, and showing everyone that love doesn’t need paperwork to last.

“I first saw Goldie Hawn in 1967, on the set of ‘The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band.’ I was 15. It was her first movie. She was a 21-year-old dancer.”

And the beautiful Goldie is older than the handsome Kurt – just goes to show that age is only number on a birth corticate when ego doesn’t come into play, after 43 years and they don’t share finances.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn never married, deciding 43 years ago to ‘have fun until we don’t’

Getting married isn’t a success, its staying together. Having kids isn’t a success, raising children is. Buying property isn’t a success, creating a home is.

The “Living Apart Together” (LAT) Mindset

• Prioritize Independence: Many older women have spent decades caring for children, elderly parents, or partners. They prioritize having “their own space” to maintain autonomy.
• Companionship Over Cohabitation: The goal is to have a committed, loyal partner for dating, dining, traveling, and emotional support without the “daily tension within close quarters”.
• Reduced Caregiving Burden: LAT allows women to avoid being forced into a caretaking role, which is often expected when living with a partner later in life.
• Mental Health Benefits: Studies show that LAT couples experience similar mental health benefits to married couples, including companionship, while avoiding the stress of blending households.

Finding someone who is fully committed to you is becoming increasingly rare.

If you are lucky enough to meet a person who is consistent, loyal, and fully present—mentally, emotionally, and physically—don’t take that for granted. Their loyalty isn’t something you can assume; it’s a conscious choice they make every day. Appreciate their presence, their commitment, and the integrity they bring to the relationship. People like that are rare, and recognizing their value is just as important as honouring it.

Most people say “I love you,” but their thoughts, attention, or desires are divided. They might be emotionally involved with you, yet still entertained by someone else, or their loyalty might only go so far.

That makes it genuinely risky to invest your heart, your time, and your trust in someone.

How to Find a Loyal Partner

• Be Upfront Early: Clearly state that you are looking for a committed, exclusive relationship but prefer to keep your own home. This filters for men who share similar values.
• Utilize Targeted Platforms: Use dating apps that cater specifically to seniors, as these users are often looking for intentional, stable relationships. However, I prefer meeting the organic way. I found dating apps very soul-destroying and time wasting…you can’t change people and many are the best at lying about why they are on a dating site. Dating apps should ask for identity verification at the least to become a member and should somehow link with their full criminal history, particularly DV and assault convictions. Would cost an extra $80 – but if they are not ready to pay such a small amount, they are not ready for dating. Another is lack of communication, ghosting, and being flaky or crude should lead to account restrictions. Ladies, be aware and very careful, remember the Tinder Swindler…manipulation is a character trait you do not need to encounter. Try setting a small boundary; manipulators often react with intense anger, guilt-tripping, or refusal to respect it.
• And then we have the cyber security issue: You can count yourself lucky if someone you’ve been in contact with merely fibbed about their job, height or age rather than gaining your trust using social engineering and then using the information they gained while talking to you for, say, spear phishing. So, always be on guard when talking with strangers who are a “match” — you now know most of them are not who they seem.
• Look for Shared Hobbies: Engage in activities like hiking groups, volunteering, art and dance classes, or kayaking, creative workshops like pottery classes, or playful competition at arcades and bowling alleys. For a more relaxing vibe, try sunset walking groups, stargazing, or a cosy themed movie night or 80s disco walking is fab. These allow for natural, low-pressure organic meetings.
• Vet for Character: Look for someone who respects your independence, shows consistency in communication, and understands your need for boundaries. 
•  Key indicators include reliability, honesty, competence, and the ability to take blame. Look for empathy, self-awareness, and how they handle unexpected inconveniences, which often reveal their core values.

Key Aspects of “Loyalty as Royalty”:

• A Rarity in Modern Dating: Because social media and dating apps provide constant access to alternatives, true loyalty is considered scarce, often making it more valuable than physical attractiveness or financial status.
• Beyond Just Being Faithful: It is not merely the absence of cheating; it is actively choosing to support, respect, and defend a partner, particularly in their absence, and staying present during difficult times.
• The Foundation of Security: Loyalty builds the trust and security necessary for a healthy, long-term relationship, offering stability in a world where relationships often feel temporary.
• A Radical Act: In a “showy” culture that prioritizes instant gratification and self-interest, remaining loyal is considered a conscious, intentional choice—an act of high character.
• While some argue that loyalty has always been essential, the consensus is that in today’s environment, it is the premier, defining characteristic of a high-value, lasting relationship.

Keys to a Successful LAT Relationship

• Clear Communication: Discuss expectations early regarding monogamy, frequency of visits, and how you will handle potential future care needs.
• Intentional Quality Time: Because time together is not guaranteed by sharing a home, LAT couples often make more effort to create special, enjoyable moments.
• Avoid Daily “Argy-Bargy”: Without the need for constant consensus on domestic duties (chores, habits), you can avoid common sources of conflict.

Benefits of Not Living Together

• Lower Conflict: You argue less because there is less to argue about.
• Better Intimacy: The “spark” is often kept alive longer because the relationship doesn’t get stale, and you have time to pursue your own interests.

LAT lifestyle allows for a truly loyal, loving partnership that is based on desire rather than necessity or co-dependence. Remember you can date him, have fun, but NO SEX, no cooking, no sleepovers. Just because we don’t want to sign the legal papers, you’re not wife material just because he likes you. Wife energy is only for a man who EARNS it.  A healthy, respectful partnership can create a “hot” dynamic where both partners feel valued and secure, leading to a stronger, more intimate bond. 

Respect is the foundation of love that lasts. 

Let’s be honest: we hear a lot about love these days — how it should look, how it should feel, how to receive it. But one thing we don’t talk about enough? Respect.

Respect is not optional.

If you don’t respect your man, it doesn’t matter how much you say you love him. 

Love without respect turns into resentment. Admiration turns into annoyance. 

Because when you don’t respect him, you naturally:

• Undervalue his thoughts
• Doubt his actions
• Override his leadership
• Dismiss his emotions

And soon, you become two individuals coexisting—not a team, partnership, or bond. That’s not love. That’s spiritual disconnection.

Find You a Man You Deeply Respect

Scout for a guy who makes you say, “Wow, I really admire him!” Time to shake things up! Instead of picking Mr. Perfect-on-Paper, ponder this:

Do I respect the way he thinks? 

Can I trust him to lead with wisdom, humility, and heart?

Do I admire how he carries himself, even when no one is watching? 

A good man carries himself with quiet confidence, integrity, and self-respect, marked by calm, deliberate movements and an upright posture. He leads with emotional stability and compassion, treating others with respect while maintaining firm boundaries. He is responsible, present, and consistent, acting as a dependable force rather than a loud or aggressive one. Ultimately, a good man’s demeanour is a reflection of his internal strength, showing he is secure in his worth.

Real relationships are not built on silence, fear, or pretending everything is perfect.

They are built on truth.

But when every honest word is taken as criticism,

every boundary seen as control,

every correction perceived as an attack…

love slowly turns into walking on eggshells.

And no relationship can grow in that environment.

Some things just don’t show up in early stages. Realizing truths can come after commitments have been made, and need not incite panic.

Oscar Wilde says “the truth is rarely pure and never simple”, and this is incredibly true in relationships.

Truth is a process and the key is to build a culture of truth telling in your partnership- Nobody is totally honest all of the time, but if you can start talking more openly about how to give and receive honesty before the nitty grittys come crawling out of the closets, the monsters from under the bed, those once upon a time white lies get revealed, it will make all the difference in the world. The more hiding you are doing the less vibrancy and energy is available for the relationship and for your life. So, create a container and a commitment together to being clear and direct, and don’t forget these two rhymes:

IT TAKES TEAM WORK TO MAKE YOUR DREAM WORK

BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS

The “let them” theory has taken off because, in many situations, it’s genuinely healthy. Not every behaviour needs to be chased, corrected, or analysed. Sometimes the most regulated response is to step back and let people reveal who they are.

But trauma psychology adds an important nuance.

Many people who grew up in unstable or emotionally neglectful environments were already trained to “let things go” long before it was healthy.

They learned to tolerate disrespect, minimize harm, stay quiet during conflict, and adapt themselves to keep relationships intact.

What looks like patience or detachment on the surface is often a survival strategy built in childhood.

Healing isn’t just learning to let people be. It’s also learning when not to abandon yourself. And yes, people will often point to the second part of the theory: “let me.” Meaning: let me decide where to place you in my life based on what you’ve shown me.

That idea has value. But like most things on social media, it can become overly simplified. Because in real relationships, it’s rarely that clean.

Predators know their prey. They will cross the line and test you. Predators know they are engaging in abusive behaviour and choose to test boundaries to identify who they can control.

Treat assault as an injury instead of a crime. I found this an excellent perspective that can change everything about healing. My trauma response has always been to freeze but I didn’t recognize that for many years. The freeze response can be protective. Animals do it in nature and so do pets if they are threatened. Looing back I feel so bad for the young me trying to navigate difficult situations and not understanding what to do.

Pass this onto Parents — Request to Read This Twice.

This is what your child might look like…

If you don’t have the conversations predators are praying you avoid.

Because predators don’t break in.

They blend in.

They bribe with sweets, toys, love, attention — and threats like this:

“If you tell anyone…”

They count on your child being too scared to speak.

And they count on you never teaching them how.

But silence is the predator’s greatest weapon.

And your voice is your child’s first line of defense.

Start the conversation.

Create a safe space.

Tell them:

“No one has the right to hurt you.”

“No secret should ever make you feel scared.”

“You can always tell me. I will believe you. I will protect you.”

Protecting your child starts before something happens — not after.

Be loud. Be clear. Be their safe place.

Nobody expects to be abused. None of it was your fault.

Stay strong. You are a survivor who will thrive.

Hearts, hugs and light.

• Self-Reflection: It requires acknowledging your past trauma to stop “bleeding” on others, often described as managing wounds rather than letting them bleed blindly.
• What you don’t heal from, you simply hand down. What you don’t transform, you eventually transmit .
• Don’t be a hurt person who hurts other people , Practice self care to avoid bleeding on others. Bleeding on others may cause them to have blood stains that they did not request. Blood stains are difficult to remove and some are permanent without proper help/assistance.

Why Healing Matters:

• Stops Projecting: Prevents punishing people for what someone else did.
• Protects Relationships: Unaddressed pain destroys connections through unnecessary conflict.
• Empowerment: Choosing to heal allows for self-reflection and breaking cycles of dysfunction. 

Lying is ultimately a personal decision. Individuals need to stop attributing their cowardice to the person they are deceiving. If you are aware that a particular behaviour will hurt someone or cause them distress, the right choice is to **not engage in that behaviour**. It’s not acceptable to proceed and then lie about it simply because you know it will cause pain.

Let’s take responsibility for our actions!

Stop being a dishonest coward who cannot face the repercussions of their choices —if you choose to lie, you will inevitably get caught.

We see people who stayed quiet for years. People who tolerated patterns that slowly eroded their sense of self. People who kept adjusting themselves to preserve a relationship that was never adjusting for them.

Sometimes there are conversations that need to happen. Sometimes there are patterns that require confrontation, not passive repositioning. Sometimes silence doesn’t create clarity. It creates distance and misunderstanding.

Sometimes the healthiest response really is to let them. Sometimes it’s to let yourself step back.

But sometimes the healthiest response is simply to say the thing that needs to be said.

1. Love Requires Accountability

In a healthy partnership, both people can be corrected.

Both can grow.

Both can admit when they are wrong.

Love is not about protecting egos—it’s about building something strong enough to last.

If one person is always right, always offended, always the victim, growth stops.

And when growth stops, the relationship quietly dies.

2. Correction Is Not Rejection

When someone says:

“Please don’t speak to me that way.”

“Respect this boundary.”

“We need to do better.”

It is not an attack. It is care.

Correction keeps love from drifting into disrespect.

Without it, small issues grow into big ones, and big issues eventually destroy the bond.

3. A Partner Should Speak Freely

No one should fear honesty in a loving relationship.

Not with anger, not with insults, but with clarity.

When words must be constantly softened to avoid an emotional outburst, balance disappears.

A partner becomes a peacekeeper instead of a teammate.

And peacekeepers rarely build strong foundations—leaders do.

4. Respect Is the Oxygen of Love

Love alone is not enough.

Respect is what keeps it alive.

When respect exists, disagreements don’t become battles.

Words are heard. Reflections happen. Perspectives are valued.

Without respect, every correction becomes a fight,

and the relationship turns into competition instead of collaboration.

5. The Right Partner Embraces Growth

A man—or a woman—ready for a strong, lasting relationship does not fear growth.

They welcome challenges.

They know that being corrected is part of becoming better.

Indifference is the real enemy—not correction.

Love is not about finding someone who never challenges you.

It’s about finding someone who grows with you.

Someone who can hear the truth without turning it into war.

Someone who knows that correction is not humiliation—it’s investment.

When two people correct each other with honesty, humility, and respect,

they build something powerful:

A relationship where both sharpen each other, support each other, and elevate each other.

So don’t chase a love where you must shrink your voice to keep the peace.

Build a love where truth and respect coexist,

where growth is welcomed,

and where both of you become stronger together.

Choose growth.

Choose respect.

Choose love that lasts.

What really matters is finding someone interested in cultivating a relationship that supports both of your dreams, goals, and visions, no matter how different they might be.

Every single person in this world is born of a woman.

You are a miracle maker who creates magic and wonder.

Without you, nothing would exist.

You are the portal, the divine passage for all soul to come through.

The architecture of your design is beyond reproductive biology.

You are a power that can either make or break people.

When you give love, people blossom.

When you withdraw love, people break.

The power you have is the most creative or destructive.

Exercise it wisely.

Don’t forget, you represent the cosmic principle of yin — kindness, nurturing, compassion, mercy, and love.

Your power anchors the virtue of nurturing and the energy of unwavering love to the natural order of the life.

Deep in the center of your being, you carry the immortal wisdom to sustain life for eternity.

Don’t take yourself lightly.

The destiny of every person is linked to your womb, your breasts, your heart.

You are very good at giving love but you are not so good in receiving it.

Why?

You are allowed, you know.

Dishing out love like a pro but feeling like a kangaroo in headlights when it’s your turn to receive?

Dive into the mystery of why this might be happening!

It could be due to low self-esteem, past emotional rollercoasters, or the fear of showing your soft side. You might see yourself as unworthy or think love has hidden agendas. Maybe it’s easier to be the giver, keeping control and avoiding vulnerability. Once again, this script may have been written in your early days, where you learned your needs were a side note.

Here are some plot points to consider:

• Low Self-Worth: If your brain’s a love-filtering ninja, you might not even see those affectionate gestures.
• Past Conditioning: If childhood was a saga of neglect or conditional love, getting love now might feel like wearing shoes on the wrong feet.
• Fear of Vulnerability & Control: Letting love in means dropping the shield, and that can feel riskier than a tightrope walk.
• Perfectionism or Guilt: You might think you need a flawless scorecard to earn love, or feel guiltier than a cat caught in the cookie jar when accepting it.
• Independence as Defense: If you’re a lone wolf, relying on others might feel like trying to hug a cactus.

Ready to flip the script and start receiving love?

Here’s how to start:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Give yourself a love pep talk and believe you’re worth every hug and warm fuzzy.
• Identify “Strings”: Spot those imaginary strings on affection and snip them with logic.
• Start Small: Accept compliments like they’re candy – with a smile, no downplaying allowed!
• Seek Therapy: A therapist can help unravel those sticky webs of attachment issues or unhealed childhood drama and unrealistic expectations.

Six years ago, I didn’t recognize it for what it was; I just knew that relationships felt challenging.

I maintained a sense of “closeness”, always saying yes, yet I was deeply unknown by anyone.

I gravitated towards people who kept things surface-level because depth felt perilous. You could label it as CPTSD, but I prefer not to. Society often assigns negative stigmas to mental health conditions, leading to fears of being judged as “broken,” “difficult,” or “unstable”. Over-identifying with a label can become a trap where you feel defined by your trauma, making it harder to move forward or see beyond the diagnosis. It can lead to “performing pain” rather than processing it. I like to view the experience as something you coped with rather than something that defines you—moving toward a focus on healing, growth, and compassion rather than just diagnosis of alphabet letters.

It is essential to acknowledge that labels are merely tools. They are not weapons to wield against others, and they are not excuses to shield ourselves from responsibility. Ideally, the goal is neither to deny nor to fetishize, but to integrate, allowing labels to clarify without constricting.

It is helpful to remember the old analogy: the finger pointing to the moon is not the moon. There is an undeniable humanity underneath someone’s narcissism, depression, ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder and beyond, that is irreducible to a set of criteria.

Ultimately, the question is not whether to label or not; it is about labelling wisely, in a manner that clearly sees reality, honours complexity, and leaves room for both accountability and compassion.

At times, it manifested as being impressive and untouchable.

Healing didn’t occur because I enrolled in more courses; it began when I understood my attachment style and learned how to improve both it and myself.

This journey cost me some friendships, but it also brought me genuine ones.

The key ingredient for establishing meaningful connections?

A thorough exploration of my own soul, uncovering my unique traits and understanding how I was expressing them. Thus, I transformed into the Sherlock Holmes of self-reflection!

Observing your patterns in a relationship you desperately wanted to work is a profound, albeit painful, moment of self-awareness. It is often driven by a deep desire for connection, but it can lead to a loss of self-identity and high emotional stress. 

The “Saviour” Role: Co-dependency as it is often named, often involves feeling responsible for your partner’s emotions, actions, and well-being, to the point of neglecting your own needs to “save” or fix them.  Intense desires for a relationship to work can sometimes stem from deep-seated fears of abandonment or rejection, causing you to bend your boundaries to keep the peace.

True healing comes from within. Love is not a rescue mission.

“I thought I could save him, but I was just losing myself in the process” ….Pattie Boyd.

Pattie Boyd is a photographer and former wife of George Harrison and Eric Clapton.

Pattie Boyd was the Queen of the sixties and beyond… a drop-dead gorgeous model, photographer, and the inspiration for the timeless love songs ‘Something’, ‘Layla’ and ‘Wonderful Tonight’.

Her story is one of drama, struggle and, ultimately, affirmation, but her struggles (against addiction, tragedy, infertility) were lived with two of the twentieth-century’s greatest musical icons: her husbands George Harrison and Eric Clapton.

Now, after 40 years, she tells her extraordinary story. From growing up in Kenya in a privileged but broken home, becoming a sixties supermodel, working with Bailey and Ozzie Clarke, and meeting the Beatles, to marriage with George and then Eric, to the accidents and brushes with tragedy – her own and Eric’s – this is a mesmerising human story, played out among some of the most iconic and charismatic figures of the late twentieth century.

The second marriage ended in 1989, and Pattie was left to rebuild her life. She moved on to become a successful photographer, stepping out from the shadows of the men who had immortalized her in their songs. Pattie Boyd, the muse behind “Something” by The Beatles and “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton, proved that she was much more than just inspiration.

She was a woman who had lived through the extremes of the rock and roll era, navigating both the creative genius and the fragility of the men who had defined it.

For too long, society has romanticized the idea of women “saving” broken men. But Pattie’s journey highlights the painful truth: true healing comes from within. Love is not a rescue mission.

Back to the childhood patterns where you learned to associate love with caretaking or sacrificing your own needs.

Overcoming it is a process of shifting from taking care of others to taking care of yourself, and transitioning from a dependent relationship to an interdependent one, where both partners are individuals.

Embracing Authenticity: The Cost of Being Yourself

“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

~ Brené Brown, *Braving the Wilderness*

The Fear of Change and Loss

Many individuals on their personal development journey harbor a deep-seated question: “If I change, will I lose the people I love?”

This question often goes unvoiced, lurking just beneath the surface of awareness. It may manifest as hesitation before speaking or a tightening in your chest when considering expressing your true feelings. You might feel an urge to soften your words to avoid unsettling others. You might label this as conflict avoidance, thoughtfulness, or even maturity. However, beneath these behaviours lies a more vulnerable truth.

There is a fear that showing up differently could alter the relationships you cherish. For many I support, this fear is not merely theoretical; it is rooted in early experiences, embedded within the body. The nervous system recalls moments when honesty led to withdrawal, expressing a need created tension, and taking up space resulted in distance or abandonment.

Consequently, the body learned to adapt, prioritizing belonging. It became agreeable and minimized itself to maintain love, striving to preserve connection.

Don’t be like the koalas, asleep in the trees. We need to be more like the kangaroo and move around.

The Tension of Growth

As you evolve, you become increasingly aware of the quiet strain of self-silencing. A part of you yearns to grow and express your authentic self. You realize that you are a puzzle piece in the lives of those closest to you. For a long time, your edges fit snugly with theirs; you learned to mould around their expectations and adjust to avoid friction. The result was a comfortable stability and a sense of belonging.

However, when you change, so does the shape of your piece. You introduce new edges and allow previously hidden parts of yourself to emerge. You stop conforming to fit perfectly, and that’s when fear surges. If your shape changes, those around you must also adjust. They must stretch, create space, or risk losing their connection with you.

This fear underlies self-silencing and strategic behaviour. Many remain quiet, believing that the entire puzzle will collapse if they stop conforming. They think harmony relies on their flexibility and constant adjustment.

The Nature of Relationships

However, it’s essential to recognize that people are not rigid puzzles made of cardboard. We are living beings who grow, heal, and expand. Our edges are not fixed; they are shaped by experiences, courage, and awareness. When one person begins to live more authentically, the entire relational system is affected. Growth in one individual invites growth in others, revealing both flexibility and fragility in connections.

Some relationships may deepen and evolve, while others may require renegotiation or gently fade away. What emerges might not match the picture you worked hard to preserve but may instead feel more vibrant, spacious, and true to who you are.

The Subtle Cost of Stagnation

The cost of remaining unchanged is often understated. While everything may appear the same on the outside, inside, there is a gradual erosion of authenticity. You might feel as though you are living slightly behind yourself.

Courage during this growth phase means allowing your edges to take their true form and embracing the uncertainty that follows. It involves trusting that the relationships meant for your growth will adapt alongside you.

As you begin to embrace change, your nervous system may initially protest, warning you that you are risking everything and that you may lose those you love. Stay with that feeling; it’s your body recalling past experiences of rupture and trying to protect you from familiar pain. Yet, growth demands a commitment to your own evolution, which requires courage.

The Invitation to Evolve

When you become more of your authentic self, you invite connections that can fully meet you. There may be grief in this process—the grief for the version of you that worked hard to fit in and maintain peace, for relationships that cannot stretch to accommodate your growth, and for the simplicity of past ways.

Grief is not a sign of error; it signifies that something genuine is shifting. If you feel this tension now, know that you are not alone. Many stand at this quiet crossroads, aware that their life’s shape is changing, even if they haven’t voiced it yet.

Stay with yourself, allowing the new edges of your puzzle piece to emerge. The right connections will find you. This moment is a pivotal turning point—the realization that remaining small does not guarantee safety; it only guarantees self-abandonment.

Love that requires you to remain unchanged is not love that grows with you.

Real belonging is not founded on careful self-editing; it is rooted in authenticity. While you may be transforming, it is not your responsibility to hold every piece in place. You must honour the shape of your own becoming. In doing so, you build trust—trust that connections aligned with your truth will strengthen, that your nervous system can learn new patterns, and that you can thrive through growth.

You are permitted to evolve. You can take up space and become more of your true self without apologizing for the shift.

Let that resonate in your body for a moment.

Take a deep breath.

You are not too much. You are not wrong for wanting to grow. You are simply becoming more fully yourself, and that is not only allowed; it is celebrated.

The marvellous sage Bob Proctor would insist, “Jot this down and read it a hundred times a day, then scribble it out another hundred!”

1. Control your morning – 10 minutes for yourself
2. Master the pause – train yourself to pause for 3 seconds before you respond to anything stressful, that gap is where your power lives. You can’t avoid stress, but you can master your response.
3. Practice selective ignorance – choose what deserves your attention. Not everything deserves your mental energy.
4. Eliminate Decision Fatigue – minimize decision
5. End your day with a humble reflection – spend 5 minutes on what went well – not your problems.
6. Sleep well by fostering good thoughts through gratitude, positive affirmations, and relaxation techniques, which help quiet a racing mind and foster a peaceful state for sleep. Focus on positive memories, visualize serene places, or use the “cognitive shuffling” technique to distract your brain from worries and enter a calm, restful state. 
7. Bedtime Affirmations for Sleep (Land of Nod)
8. Repeating positive, calming statements helps release the day’s tension and signals to your brain that it is safe to sleep. 
9. “I am safe, I am calm, and I am ready for sleep.”
10. “I release the day and all its activities.”
11. “I give myself permission to rest.”
12. “All is well in my world.”
13. “Everything is working out for my highest good.”
14. “I trust the stillness of the night to restore me.”
15. “I allow my body to go to the land of nod.”
16. “I am letting go of tension and embracing deep, peaceful sleep.” 
17. Bedtime Meditation Techniques
18. The “Pleasant Dark” Visualization: Imagine the darkness of the night as a friendly, protective, and gentle force wrapping around you, keeping you safe and allowing your body to rest.
19. The “Balloon Release” Technique: As you lie in bed, visualize your worries, stress, and to-do lists as physical items. Place them into a hot air balloon and watch them rise away, releasing them to the sky so you can feel light and ready for sleep.
20. Body Scan Relaxation: Starting from your toes and moving up to your head, consciously relax every muscle in your body. Focus on the feeling of your bed holding you, allowing you to feel grounded and secure.
21. Deep Breathing: Take deep breaths, letting your body do what it needs to do, and focus on the feeling of calm with each breath.
22. Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite….I love you

Rethinking “Co-dependency” in Relationships

The term “co-dependent” emerged in the 1970s and 80s. But, sadly, when the term went mainstream, it lost some of its power. These days, I’m seeing it again, mostly on self-care-focused Instagram pages, but it’s not always clear that the people using the word know what it means—or that it takes more than a bubble bath and green juice to deal with it. The roots of co-dependency can be traced back to the work of German psychoanalyst Karen Horney, who advanced the idea that some people define themselves through the dependency or approval of others — especially women, who are rigorously socialized to do this.

Attachment

The reality is that the behaviours exhibited by those labelled as co-dependent can be understood through basic human nature. To label attachment behaviour in adult life as regressive dismisses the crucial role it plays from birth until death.

Nothing pathological about it.

This perspective applies to all couples who identify as co-dependent. Understanding your relationship through the lens of attachment is essential—not only because I find the term “co-dependent” unhelpful but also because it can transform your experience within the relationship.

Stop Identifying as “Co-dependent”

Attachment science reveals important truths about our nature:

• Emotional Bonds Are Essential: We require emotional connections from birth until our final days.
• Survival Instinct : Upon entering the world, our survival hinges on having a dependable caregiver. Without one, survival becomes impossible.
• Evolutionary Basis: If you lose your primary attachment figure, your chances of survival diminish, a reality shaped by millions of years of evolution.

In essence, you are inherently designed for love.

This need is an integral aspect of being human and does not vanish upon reaching adulthood, especially when your primary attachment figure becomes your partner.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You and your partner are simply two individuals who rely on each other for the same reasons that drive all humans to seek love.

Understanding Your Experience

What you are going through is entirely normal; you are neither flawed nor unfortunate. However, it does not mean you are free from unnecessary suffering.

You see, we’re trying to rewrite decades of storytelling about yourself, stories saying that having a happy relationship means:

• Placating
• Not reacting negatively
• Trying to fix your partner
• Trying to fix yourself
• Meeting your needs on your own
• Always being “good”

And that’s how it usually goes… So now we have to look at the journey you just had.

You actually:

1. Let yourself feel your sadness
2. Recognized that you actually did have needs
3. Asked your partner to meet those needs…
4. And they did!!!

Look at how much better that feels. Look how much you mean to each other.

And now that you understand your relationship, you can do that over and over again.

You don’t have to go back to doing it the old way.

The next time you both get hurt, you can say,

“I’m going to go to the club, but it’s hard for me because I get worried you’re not okay, and I get scared I’ll lose you.”

And they can go, “I know, and it’s hard for me when you go out sometimes because I get scared I’m not good enough and I’ll lose you to someone else.”

And then you’re comforting each other and giving each other kisses and you’re texting them little heart emojis from the Uber.

That’s the “f*ck yeah” story.

Not the “We’re co-dependent, we have to meet our own needs,” story you’ve been telling yourself.

You make perfect sense.

It doesn’t matter if you label yourself as co-dependent because:

• You and your partner are constantly focused on each other.
• Your attempts to protect your partner may inadvertently support self-destructive behaviours.
• While your partner is more than willing to support you, you might be held back by past trauma.
• There are certain experiences you’re lacking, and we need to take steps—individually and as a couple—to address them.

What a wonderful opportunity it is to be in a relationship where you can work through these issues together.

We don’t want to eliminate the parts of you that care deeply for one another, especially when disconnection brings fear and pain.

Those feelings are essential.

The only way to heal your wounds is within a primary relationship, where the issues arise in the present moment.

You may trigger each other, but you also have the chance to support one another in a way that fulfills the experiences you’ve been missing.

A Velcro Vortex Romance: Clingy? Needy!!!

• Consider a different perspective.
• Remember, you are simply two people who love each other. Show kindness and love to yourselves and each other.
• A lot of clingy behaviours can be traced directly back to our own insecurities.
• For example, we often get overly jealous because we are afraid our significant other might cheat on us. How about the fact that a lot of women don’t believe they are good enough for their boyfriends so they shower them with too much attention which can be viewed as clingy.
• Getting rid of these types of insecurities can be quite tricky.
• I mean, you can try to turn your feelings off as much as possible but in the end we are all human beings and not robots. We can’t help but feel jealousy and insignificance from time to time.
• In other words, find a way to use insecurities as a strength.
• Some women become so enthralled with their relationship that they lose themselves in it.
• For example, lets say that before you met your lover you had a long list of hobbies,
• Running
• Watching movies
• Painting
• Swimming
• However, as you fell deeper into the relationship you slowly but surely started losing your hobbies. Whats worse is you adopted all of your exes hobbies.
• Now, there are two trains of thoughts when it comes to stuff like this.
• Thought 1- It’s sweet that you can fall so deeply in love with someone that their passions become yours.
• Thought 2- It’s dangerous to fall so deeply in love that you lose yourself in that person.
• I personally believe that it’s ok to adopt your significant others hobbies as long as you don’t lose yourself in the process. It’s not ok to just stop something that you love (your hobbies) to make room for all of your lovers hobbies.
• Remember, your ex boyfriend fell in love with you, the girl with her own hobbies.
• He didn’t fall for the girl that stole his…
•  Neediness is synonymous with ’emotional dependency’, as in: “This woman is dependent on the dude in order for her to feel good.”
• When you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviours. Neediness is a mindset.
• When a person takes on the belief that another person is responsible for their happiness, their sense of well-being and their sense of self-esteem, then it’s guaranteed that they’re going to act needy as a result of that mindset.
• Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating an unhealthy type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).
• The best way to not be needy is to make sure you have plenty to keep you busy and make a solemn vow to yourself that YOU are ultimately responsible for your happiness, your sense of well-being and your self-esteem.
• It’s easy to become wrapped up in a new relationship, but it is extremely important to maintain your own life. 
• I think a lot of conventional relationship advice says that always being available is a bad thing and will make your value plummet – I actually don’t think availability is really the problem. I think the problem is that if you’re always available, it probably means that you’re not doing anything interesting or fulfilling in your life to make you feel good, so your relationship is the only thing filling you. And with all your eggs in one basket, it’s no wonder that you’d become extremely needy and dependent on the dude entertaining you – he’s all you have!
• As a result, all of that pressure and dependency ends up crushing and smothering out the life from that relationship! This is why it’s very important to get fulfillment, entertainment and love from many different areas of your life, not just from one lone man.
• Also, having a full and fulfilling life makes it much easier for you to extend only as much effort towards the relationship as he’s extending. Generally speaking, this is a good strategy.
• To take that a step further, whenever you put effort into a relationship with someone, you are investing in them. Whenever they put effort in, they are investing in you. If you are waiting by the phone for him to call and to make time for you, then you’re probably the only one doing the investing.

If they go, you focus on YOU.

When people leave your life, focusing on yourself is an act of self-preservation and personal growth.

It involves reclaiming your energy, investing in your own goals, and nurturing your well-being, rather than chasing those who choose to leave. This transition allows you to build internal stability and create a life where your happiness is not dependent on others.

• Carl Jung suggested that some people enter our lives not to stay, but to awaken something within us. The intensity of the connection often reflects unconscious projections – parts of ourselves we haven’t yet integrated.
• Sometimes the person who feels like “the one” is actually a mirror, revealing wounds, desires, or potentials that push us toward deeper self-understanding. The encounter may be brief, but the transformation it triggers can shape the rest of your life.
• Mirrors don’t comfort you they confront you – not to heal but reveal you, your fears of abandonment, they didn’t break you they showed you where you were bleeding.
• The ending was the beginning the doorway you wouldn’t have ever opened. Pain brings awareness and awareness brings you power.
• You were reborn not broken. Yes, it was painful but healing always starts with chaos. They didn’t come to break your heart but to break your cycle..to the version of yourself that doesn’t chase or beg they didn’t hurt you they exposed the part of you, the wound that needed to heal.
• There role was never to stay but to awaken. Soul work not story telling. Sometimes growth comes dressed as heartbreak. When they left it cracked something inside you but they left a crack – a doorway …your braver because of it , you didn’t lose you transcended from needing love to becoming love.
• Honour the burn. You can’t stop thinking about them – memories still fill your soul – WHY? You can’t forget them because they awakened your soul – the version of you that was waiting to stop being a people pleaser they pulled you towards a future that encouraged the courage to walk alone.
• The real journey begins…Ask the question…What did they awaken in me?
• Now, you become the version of yourself, you saw reflected in there eyes.
• Bury the old version with love. The greatest gift they gave you wasn’t love but they woke you up.

The Loneliness of Loving Deeply

• There is a kind of pain that people rarely talk about.
• It is not the pain of hunger, nor the hardship of poverty, nor even the fear of death.
• Those wounds, as heavy as they are, at least have a visible cause.
• But there is another kind of suffering — quieter, more invisible.
• It is the pain of loving deeply in a world that does not know what to do with that love.
• It is giving your heart sincerely, without calculation, without reservation…
• and feeling that it falls into silence.
• Not rejection, not even anger —
• just emptiness where warmth was hoped for.
• Human beings carry a strange contradiction inside themselves.
• We spend our lives searching for love, yet when it approaches us too closely, we become afraid.
• We crave connection, yet we guard our hearts like frightened creatures who expect betrayal.
• We admire and adore another soul, but at the same time doubt whether they will remain.
• And so, many people learn to protect themselves not by hatred, but by distance.
• They speak of love, but avoid the vulnerability that real love requires.
• They want affection, but fear the responsibility of caring for another heart.
• This is why the person who loves sincerely sometimes feels like a stranger among others.
• Not because their love is wrong,
• but because true devotion can look almost excessive in a world accustomed to caution.
• Yet loving deeply is not a weakness.
• It is one of the bravest things a human being can do.
• To open your heart despite disappointment.
• To care even when you know the risk of silence.
• To remain kind in a world that often answers sincerity with indifference.
• Perhaps the tragedy is not that love sometimes goes unreturned.
• Perhaps the true tragedy is that many people stop believing in it before it ever truly finds them.
• And still, somewhere within us, hope remains.
• Because the human soul was not made for emptiness.
• It was made for connection, for warmth, for the quiet miracle of being truly seen.
• And when two people finally meet without fear —
• without masks, without distance —
• love stops feeling like suffering
• and begins to feel like home.

Love that feels like home is characterized by safety, calm, and unconditional acceptance, acting as a sanctuary rather than a source of chaos or anxiety. It is a partnership where you feel comfortable, seen, and free to be your true self without fear of judgment or the need to hide your scars

Love isn’t a mystery to solve. It doesn’t require a magnifying glass. It doesn’t keep you guessing. It doesn’t make you beg for crumbs and call it devotion.

But stay in the wrong relationship long enough and you start treating it like a crime scene. You scan their texts like you’re working that cold case. You read between the lines of “Hey” like it’s a coded message.

Look, if you’re doing more surveillance than connection, if your gut screams while your mouth says, “I’m fine,” if you have to prove you’re not “crazy woowoo…” You’re not in love. You’re in survival.

And the longer you stay, the easier it is to confuse that anxious high for intimacy.

I’ve done it myself. I’ve been more invested in decoding someone’s emotional patterns than asking the one brutal, honest question that would have saved me:

“Why am I trying to force love from someone who keeps me in limbo and obviously doesn’t give a fu!!?”

If you’re scared to bring something up in case they disappear, that’s not intimacy.

That’s emotional self-abandonment.

Let’s not romanticise this.

This is not loyalty. This is a trauma bond in action.

And this is not you being “patient”, although you are.

This is you becoming conditioned to wait for scraps of attention.

You’re not “low maintenance.” You’ve just learned not to ask for what you need because you expect to be punished for it.

Real love doesn’t keep you on edge. It’s not a puzzle. And it’s certainly not a silent test.

It says, “Here I am,” not “Come find me.” It doesn’t leave you feeling unsure if you’re loved, wanted, safe.

You think playing detective gives you control. It doesn’t. It gives you something to focus on instead of accepting the simple, brutal fact that this person doesn’t care. So, you start digging. And you burn yourself out trying to get answers from someone who never deserved the question in the first place.

They’re not showing the fu!! up. And deep down, you already know it. You deserve more than living in a constant state of almost.

So, the only real question left is this: How much longer will you keep gaslighting yourself just to stay in a relationship that’s giving you nothing but stress and health issues.

Don’t fight your anxiety. Use it to thrive?

Embracing New Chapter. New home, new community

• Create Your Haven: As you enter your new home, make it a space that reflects who you are now, not who you were. Personalize it with new art, plants, or furniture, and consider a thorough cleaning as a ritual for a fresh start.
• Establish New Routines: A new environment is the perfect time to build new habits, such as a morning routine, a new exercise regimen, or exploring local cafes and live music to become part of a new community.

2. Leaving the Past Behind

• Release the Baggage: Leaving the past means you are not letting old events dictate your present or future. It is about releasing guilt, fear, and resentment, allowing you to live in the present moment.
• Silence the Memories: When memories arise, acknowledge them without judgment, then gently bring your focus back to the present. The goal is to no longer react to old memories with the same intensity.
• Rewrite the Narrative: Instead of focusing on lost love or past disappointments, reframe those experiences as lessons that built your strength and wisdom. 

3. Protecting Your New Life

• Set Firm Boundaries: To protect your new peace, you may need to establish firm boundaries. If the past attempts to resurface, remind yourself that you no longer live there.

You are taking charge of your destiny, and every step forward is a victory. The future awaits, and it is yours to shape. 

Can you imagine driving a car without brakes?

The crash is inevitable.

This is what nervous system burnout looks like.

It does not announce its arrival.

It creeps in through poor sleep, fatigue and low grade anxiety.

It manifests as arguments, poor decision making, nasty breakups, sudden sickness, loss of money…Then one day, what once felt manageable begins to collapse.

Health, success all become compromised and dreams broken.

You need to realise that your body is wired into chronic fight-or-flight and has been for a long time.

You may call it resilient, but it is not.

It is disaster waiting to happen.

Your life force is your most valuable asset and you are draining it faster than you can regenerate.

If you don’t protect, preserve, and invest it wisely, your health will be gone, then what do you have?

Your health is the true currency of power.

Your nervous system holds the key to either make you or break you.

Do not wait until your body forces you to stop.

It will be too late.

Your life is all you have.

Protect it at all cost.

True love, often defined by deep emotional intimacy, trust, and commitment, can significantly enhance sexual satisfaction to a level that transcends purely physical pleasure.

1. Increased Vulnerability and Trust 

2. Deeper Emotional Connection

3. Biological and Chemical Reinforcement

4. “Afterglow” and Lasting Orgasmic Satisfaction

5. Mutual Fulfillment and Care

6. Enhanced Communication

Love Is Not What You Say, It’s What You Stay For

These days many people believe love is measured by words.

By how often someone says “I love you.”

By sweet messages.

By promises that sound beautiful in the moment.

But real love doesn’t live in words.

Real love lives in what people do.

Because loving someone is not repeating “I love you” when everything is easy and life feels light.

Loving someone is choosing to stay when things become complicated.

When the other person is having difficult days.

When misunderstandings appear.

When life feels heavier than usual.

That is where real love quietly shows itself.

Not in the exciting beginning,

not in the stage where everything feels new and perfect,

but in the ordinary moments when the spark settles and reality begins.

It is easy to love when everything flows.

What takes courage is staying when love asks for patience, understanding, and commitment.

Love is choosing the same person even when the moment isn’t ideal.

It is saying through actions:

“I’m still here.”

Not only on the bright days,

but also on the ones that feel messy, tiring, or uncertain.

Because relationships that last are not built on feelings alone.

They are built on decisions.

The decision to care.

The decision to respect.

The decision to keep choosing each other even when things are not perfect.

Love is not “I love you” repeated a thousand times.

Love is “I stay.”

And when two people understand that…

love stops being something temporary

and becomes something strong enough

to last a lifetime.

While passionate, purely physical encounters can be exciting, true, enduring love provides a deep, “wholesome,” and unparalleled level of sexual satisfaction by combining physical pleasure with profound emotional intimacy and trust. 

While sexual desire and love are distinct, research suggests that when they are combined, they create a profound, “wholesome” experience that brings higher levels of satisfaction and emotional connection for both partners.

If sex is going to be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, then it means that both people have to matter. It can’t be a male entitlement and a female obligation, because as soon as sex is an obligation, it erases the needs and feelings of the one who is obligated.

If sex is to be an expression of who you both are and who you are together, then you have to be able to come to the bedroom with everything you are. You have be able to be vulnerable. But you cannot do that if you fundamentally don’t matter. If someone else has the right to your body no matter how you feel, you can’t be vulnerable because you’re not emotionally safe. 

The best s*x you’ll ever have has nothing to do with attraction.

It has everything to do with whether your nervous system feels safe enough to surrender.

You’ve been lied to about s*x your entire life.

Not just by pornography.

Not just by movies.

Not just by the culture that turned intimacy into performance and orgasm into achievement.

You’ve been lied to by the part of yourself that keeps believing if you were more attractive, more skilled, more desirable, more confident, more experienced, the s*x would finally feel like what you’ve been starving for.

It won’t.

Because what you’ve been starving for was never about technique.

It was never about bodies.

It was never about chemistry, novelty, intensity, or the right combination of movements that unlock some magical erotic experience.

What you’ve been starving for is the experience of being so safe with another human being that your nervous system stops guarding.

Stops bracing.

Stops performing.

Stops scanning for danger.

Stops calculating whether you’re doing it right, looking right, sounding right, taking too long, not lasting long enough, moving the right way, saying the right thing.

Stops managing.

And starts surrendering.

That surrender is the thing you’ve been chasing your entire s*xual life.

Not the orgasm.

Not the positions.

Not the attraction.

The feeling of being so completely unhidden that your body can finally let go.

And most people have never experienced that.

Not once.

Not even with people they love.

Not even with people they’ve been married to for decades.

Because s*x in most relationships isn’t connection.

It’s negotiation.

One person wants it more than the other.

One person initiates and the other accommodates.

One person is trying to feel desired and the other is trying to get it over with.

One person is chasing closeness through s*x because they can’t get it any other way.

One person is avoiding s*x because it requires a vulnerability their body can’t access.

That’s not intimacy.

That’s two nervous systems trying to survive the most exposing act two humans can share without any of the emotional safety required to actually be present for it.

And the tragedy is this.

Both people think the problem is the s*x.

It’s never the s*x.

The s*x is just the report card for the emotional state of the relationship.

If your relationship is emotionally safe, s*x becomes something entirely different than what most people experience.

It becomes the place where words stop and bodies speak.

It becomes the place where the armor you wear all day finally comes off and the trembling underneath it is welcomed instead of judged.

It becomes the place where you can be ugly with desire. Awkward with need. Desperate with longing. Tender with fear.

And none of it gets punished.

None of it gets mocked.

None of it gets held against you later.

That is the s*x people are dying for.

Not harder. Not faster. Not kinkier. Not more frequent.

Safer.

Let me explain what happens in the body during s*x when the nervous system doesn’t feel safe.

Because this is the part no one talks about.

When your nervous system is activated, when there is unresolved tension, unspoken resentment, unprocessed hurt, unaddressed distance, lingering criticism, emotional disconnection, or any form of relational threat operating in the background, your body does not fully arrive for s*x.

It can’t.

Your body doesn’t know the difference between physical danger and emotional danger.

Both activate the same survival system.

Both release the same stress hormones.

Both create the same physiological constriction.

So when you climb into bed with someone you love but don’t feel emotionally safe with, your body goes through the motions while your nervous system stays at the door.

Your muscles hold tension they can’t release.

Your breath stays shallow because deep breathing requires letting go and your body isn’t ready to let go.

Your skin registers touch but doesn’t soften into it because softening requires trust and your body doesn’t trust right now.

Your mind wanders. Not because you’re bored. Because dissociation is how the nervous system protects you from being fully present in an experience that feels emotionally unsafe.

You perform arousal instead of feeling it.

You perform pleasure instead of surrendering to it.

You perform connection instead of experiencing it.

And afterward, you feel empty.

Not satisfied.

Not closer.

Empty.

Because your body was in the room but your heart was behind a wall.

And the worst part is you might not even know this is happening.

You might think you just have a low s*x drive.

You might think you’re just not that s*xual.

You might think something is physically wrong with you.

You might think the attraction faded.

You might think your partner just doesn’t do it for you anymore.

And maybe some of that is true.

But more often than anyone admits, the issue isn’t desire.

• The issue is safety.

You can’t want someone your body doesn’t trust.

You can’t open for someone your nervous system has classified as unpredictable.

You can’t surrender to someone who made your heart feel small at dinner and now wants access to your body at midnight.

Your body keeps a ledger.

Every criticism lands in the body.

Every eye roll lands in the body.

Every dismissed feeling, every minimized fear, every ignored bid for closeness, every unrepaired rupture lands in the body.

And the body doesn’t forget just because you turned the lights off and put your hand on their thigh.

The body remembers everything your mouth forgave but your nervous system didn’t.

This is why couples whose emotional connection is broken almost always have s*xual problems.

Not because the attraction died.

Because the safety died.

And without safety, the body cannot surrender.

Without surrender, s*x is just friction.

Two bodies moving together while two nervous systems remain miles apart.

Now let me tell you what happens when the nervous system does feel safe.

Because this is the experience most people have never had and don’t even know is possible.

When your nervous system feels truly safe with your partner, something extraordinary happens before anyone takes their clothes off.

Your body begins to soften in their presence.

Not because of how they look.

Because of how they make you feel.

Your breathing slows.

Your shoulders drop.

Your chest opens.

Your jaw unclenches.

Your belly, the place where you hold more fear and shame than anywhere else in your body, relaxes.

And from that place of regulation, desire doesn’t have to be manufactured.

It arises.

Naturally.

Organically.

Not from performance.

From presence.

You look at them and you feel something that isn’t just attraction.

It’s permission.

Permission to want.

Permission to be wanted.

Permission to need.

Permission to be messy with your desire.

Permission to be tender with your hunger.

Permission to be both powerful and fragile in the same moment.

That permission changes everything.

Because when you feel permitted, your body stops guarding.

Touch stops being a transaction and becomes a conversation.

Eye contact stops being awkward and becomes unbearable in the best way.

Vulnerability stops being a risk and becomes the entire point.

And the s*x that follows doesn’t look like anything you’ve seen in movies or on screens.

It looks like two people who are shaking a little.

Two people who are breathing together instead of performing.

Two people whose eyes are open, not because they’re watching, but because they want to see each other while it happens.

Two people who laugh when something is awkward because awkward is safe here.

Two people who slow down because rushing would mean missing the thing they actually came for.

Which isn’t the orgasm.

It’s the experience of being completely unhidden with another person and discovering that unhidden is where pleasure actually lives.

That’s the s*x you’ve been looking for.

Not the kind that makes you forget yourself.

The kind that makes you find yourself.

The kind where you are so seen, so held, so met, so safe, that your body does something it has been afraid to do your entire life.

It lets go.

Fully.

Completely.

Without reservation.

Without performance.

Without watching yourself from the outside to make sure you’re doing it right.

Your body lets go because it finally trusts that what’s on the other side of letting go isn’t judgment.

It’s love.

And that kind of letting go creates a s*xual experience so different from what most people know that when they finally feel it, they don’t just feel pleasure.

They feel grief.

Grief for every time they had s*x without feeling safe.

Grief for every time they performed instead of surrendered.

Grief for every time they gave their body without being able to bring their heart.

Grief for every year they spent believing the problem was attraction when the problem was always trust.

If your s*x life is struggling, stop buying books about positions.

Stop watching videos about technique.

Stop blaming hormones, age, stress, or busy schedules.

Start asking the question your body has been asking for years.

“Do I feel safe enough with this person to let go?”

If the answer is no, the solution isn’t s*xual.

It’s relational.

Fix the safety.

Fix the emotional responsiveness.

Fix the repair.

Fix the tenderness.

Fix the way you talk to each other when no one is watching.

Fix the way you hold each other’s vulnerability outside the bedroom.

Fix the aftercare.

And the bedroom will fix itself.

Because bodies that trust each other don’t need instructions.

They need permission.

And permission comes from one place only.

A nervous system that finally believes, “I am safe here. All of me is welcome here. And I can let go without being punished for what shows up when I do.”

That’s the best s*x you’ll ever have.

And it has nothing to do with attraction.

The best s*x I’ve ever had wasn’t the most passionate. It was the one time I felt safe enough to stop thinking about how I looked and just feel what was happening.

I’m exhausted by the performance. I’m exhausted by pretending my body is a machine that operates on demand. I want to be met, not managed.

I want to say, “Hold me before you touch me. See me before you want me. Make my heart feel safe before you ask my body to open.” “Hold me after you come” But I’ve never had the words until now.

Internal Monologue of the Partner Who Doesn’t Understand Why the Desire Disappeared

1. I keep thinking I’m the problem. That I’m not attractive enough. That they’ve lost interest in me. But something in this is telling me it might not be about me at all.

2. I initiate and get rejected and I make it about desirability. Maybe it was always about safety and I never knew the difference.

3. I’ve been trying to fix the s*x life by focusing on the s*x. I think I should have been focusing on the relationship.

4. I didn’t realize that the criticism I delivered at dinner was the reason their body couldn’t respond to me at night.

5. I’ve been treating s*x like a need I have instead of a place we share. And that’s been costing us both.

6. I thought if I was more patient, more skilled, more understanding, the desire would come back. I’m starting to see that desire doesn’t come from patience. It comes from emotional safety I haven’t been creating.

7. Every unresolved fight between us is lying in bed with us. I just never saw it that way.

8. I want them to want me. But I’m realizing I haven’t been making it safe enough for them to want anything without fear.

9. I’ve been focused on what’s wrong with our bodies. The problem is what’s wrong between our hearts.

10. If I spent half the energy I’ve spent worrying about our s*x life actually making them feel emotionally safe with me, everything might change.

Affirmations for the Person Whose Body Can’t Surrender

1. My body’s refusal to let go is not dysfunction. It’s intelligence. It’s protecting me from vulnerability it doesn’t trust will be held.

2. I am not broken for being unable to surrender to someone my nervous system doesn’t feel safe with.

3. I deserve s*x that begins with emotional safety, not s*x that requires me to override my own instincts.

4. My body is not the problem. The emotional climate of the relationship is the problem.

5. I am allowed to want tenderness before touch. Connection before contact. Safety before surrender.

6. The fact that my body guards itself during intimacy means my body is working exactly as designed. The design isn’t flawed. The safety is missing.

7. I will no longer perform pleasure to manage someone else’s feelings about whether I desire them.

8. I am allowed to say, “I need to feel safe before I can feel desire.” And that sentence is not rejection. It’s an invitation.

9. My body will open when it trusts. And trust is built outside the bedroom, in every small moment where my heart is treated as precious.

10. I deserve a s*xual experience where my whole self is welcome. Not just the parts that perform well.

Mirror Meditation for Both Partners

Stand in front of the mirror.

If you can, stand together.

If not, stand alone and hold the other person in your mind.

Say this slowly.

If you are the one whose body won’t let go:

I have been performing intimacy because real intimacy requires a safety I haven’t felt.

That is not my failure.

That is information.

My body has been telling me the truth about the emotional state of this relationship and I’ve been shaming my body instead of listening to it.

I’m listening now.

I don’t need to be fixed.

I need to feel safe.

Safe enough to be seen in the most unguarded version of myself.

Safe enough to tremble instead of perform.

Safe enough to need instead of accommodate.

Safe enough to let pleasure arrive on its own schedule instead of manufacturing it on demand.

That safety starts with how we treat each other when our clothes are on.

If that changes, everything changes.

If you are the partner who doesn’t understand the distance:

I have been confused by the distance between us in bed.

I made it about attraction. About desire. About my body or theirs.

I see now that it was never about bodies.

It was about hearts.

My partner’s body can’t surrender because my partner’s heart doesn’t feel safe enough to.

And that safety is something I participate in creating.

Not just in bed.

In every conversation. Every glance. Every repair I skipped. Every tenderness I withheld. Every criticism I delivered without realizing it would follow us into the bedroom.

I want to be the person whose presence makes their body soften instead of brace.

I want to be the person whose touch feels like homecoming instead of obligation.

That starts with how I love them when s*x is the furthest thing from either of our minds.

That starts now.

If your s*x life has gone quiet and you’ve been blaming attraction:

“The body doesn’t lie. If my partner’s body has stopped responding to me, it’s not because they stopped finding me attractive. It’s because somewhere between us, safety broke. And safety is something I can help rebuild. Not by being s*xier. By being safer. By repairing what I’ve left unrepaired. By tending to their heart the way I want them to tend to my body.”

If you’ve been performing during s*x and you’re exhausted by the pretending:

“I don’t have to keep doing this. I can say, ‘I want to be honest about something.’ I can say, ‘I’ve been performing and I’m tired. I want real. I want slow. I want to feel you feeling me instead of both of us pretending we’re somewhere we’re not.’ That sentence might be the most intimate thing that’s happened between us in years. And it doesn’t require taking a single piece of clothing off.”

If you’re both struggling with physical intimacy and neither of you knows where to start:

“The bedroom is the last place to fix this. The first place is the kitchen. The car. The couch. The hallway. Every small moment where one of us could have been tender and chose efficiency instead. Repair the tenderness. Let touch become something that happens without agenda. A hand on the back. Eye contact that lasts one second longer than usual. A kiss that doesn’t ask for anything except to say, ‘I’m here with you.’ When those moments start feeling natural again, the bedroom won’t feel like a performance. It will feel like the only place left to go with all the closeness you’ve been building.

Our root and sacral energy centres are incredibly powerful creation centres, and as humans in female bodies, we receive through our wombs.

So be mindful of who you let into that sacred space.

Of the reverence they have for you and your body.

Of the way your soul feels in exchange with theirs.

S*x is fun, and it’s deeply spiritual whether you consciously realize this or not.

You not only receive his body, you also receive his energy.

So ask yourself…

does my body feel safe here?

does my heart feel safe here?

does my soul feel safe here?

what kind of energy am I receiving from him?

is my energy expanding or depleting after exchanging with him s*xually?

what does my future self have to say about me sharing myself with him?

You are a queen.

An energetic being in a glorious human body.

S*x is not just an act, a thing you do.

It’s an energetic spiritual experience that can take you to the ethers or to the depths of your own despair.

Choose wisely.

People often seek sex without emotional attachment, or experiences like threesomes, due to a combination of biological drivers, psychological desires for novelty, and societal conditioning that emphasizes physical pleasure over emotional intimacy.

While this is often framed as “caveman brain” behaviour, it is a complex mix of seeking an ego boost, reducing sexual performance pressure, and separating intimate desire from romantic commitment. A threesome allows for high-intensity, “kinky” sex without necessarily having to manage the emotions of a full extra relationship, often described as a “side quest” that adds excitement to a primary relationship.

Important Context:

• Not All: These behaviours are generalized, and not all men seek sex without feelings or desire threesomes, etc.
• Individual Differences: Reasons vary; for some, it is about power, for others, pure curiosity or fun.
• The “Aftermath”: While men may detach during sex, they can still catch feelings afterward, just as women can. 

Sex to me is not about need, but about union. About coming together in a sacred space exchanging information,

consciousness, DNA, purity, heart to heart, soul to soul, manifesting and co creating reality.

Their consciousness and DNA will remain with me for the rest of my life and so having a tenant in my consciousness for life is a big life decision.

If they are depressed I get depression in my unified field or addiction, anger, hate etc.

Sacred sexuality to me is had between two people who have decided to share one another with each other for beyond the act of sexual coitus. It’s a decision that will affect our consciousness long term and it’s not something I take lightly.

If I wouldn’t want to be you, I wouldn’t want to sleep with you, not even kiss you.

It’s a good idea to celebrate humanity’s diversity, and our sex lives are no exception. Each of us has different needs, preferences, turn-ons, and turn-offs, making it impossible to say that sexual experiences are one-size-fits-all — because they absolutely aren’t.

So, rather than overanalysing the energy of your partner, perhaps ask yourself: “What do I want out of this, and what is my body trying to tell me right now?” If you’re comfortable with what you find, carry on!

Maybe in Another Life

Maybe we’ll meet again in another life, because in this one… it simply didn’t work.

I don’t know if I arrived too early in your story, or if I came when your heart had already grown too tired.

Maybe you had already collected too many scars, too many disappointments, and you didn’t want to add one more line to the tiger’s stripes.

Life didn’t get in the way as life is the way! Life is like waking up each day with a treasure chest of choices—big or small—on how to spend our precious moments, what pep talks we give ourselves, how we treat others and who we spend our time with. Even when life throws us curveballs, it’s all about being alive and daring to hope for even the tiniest spark of positive change. To be blunt as a spoon, life is the only thing standing between us and the grim reaper. Blaming life for what you didn’t do is like saying, “I would’ve passed out sooner, but darn it, breathing messed up my plans!” It’s a head-scratcher of an excuse!!!

The truth is, I wanted something real with you.

Something calm.

Something safe.

I wanted to decorate my days with your smile.

To do all those little things you said you had never done with anyone else.

I imagined taking you with me to those dressed up Saturday gatherings,

only to sneak away early so we could go home and watch your favourite series together.

Just the two of us, sharing a beer and mojito and watching the flames in the fire pit,

laughing at nothing, letting the night end however it wanted.

I wanted to hold your hand while we discovered places you had always dreamed of seeing.

To build something simple but honest:

a steady life,

a love worth caring for every single day.

I wanted to give your heart the safety it had been searching for in all the wrong places.

But maybe it was fear.

Maybe it was timing.

Or maybe we simply didn’t know how to fit into each other’s lives the way we hoped.

Still, I hope that somewhere beyond this life, our paths cross again.

Not as two people carrying old wounds, but as two souls who have healed.

A little wiser.

A little braver.

Goodbye and good luck!

We hope it’s not goodbye; it’s ‘see you later’!

It’s not the end… it’s a new beginning.

“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us”. “

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart”.

Helen Keller 

We’re all humans and therefore we struggle with being honest and open in this world of ours. There are so many pressures to deceive ourselves and others. So many pressures and fears compelling us to lie about ourselves to the people we love.

The fact is, honesty is a true pillar of love. Without honesty love fades and eventually dies.

The reward you get for the practice of honestly being yourself in love is the possibility of having the experience of being loved for who you are.

No lies, no make-up, no misrepresentations, no excuses, no make-believe, no losing yourself.

You have a better chance of being loved for who you really are, if you practice hanging onto your individuality in love while expressing it to your lover. If your lover can accept or love you for who you are, great! Congratulations, you’re a lucky person. If your lover can’t accept or love you for who you are, move on to another. And never chase love that left – let it go! You may not have love at this point in time, but at least you won’t be lost.

Many women have experienced relationships where their emotions, needs, and presence were treated as inconveniences rather than valued parts of the relationship.

When a woman repeatedly interacts with men who respond to her feelings with irritation, dismissal, or indifference, the experience can gradually change the way she sees herself. What begins as a few uncomfortable moments can slowly grow into a deep belief that she is somehow difficult to love.

In such situations, a woman may notice that whenever she expresses her concerns or emotions, she is told that she is overreacting or creating unnecessary problems. If she asks for attention, reassurance, or communication, she may be made to feel as if she is demanding too much. Over time, this constant response can shape her behaviour. Instead of expressing her needs freely, she begins to hold back. She starts speaking less about her feelings and tries to appear easier to deal with so that she will not be seen as a burden.

This adjustment is often not a conscious decision. It is a coping response. People naturally adapt to environments where their emotional needs are not welcomed. A woman in such a situation may convince herself that if she reduces her expectations, the relationship will become easier. She may try to be less expressive, less demanding of time and attention, and more tolerant of behaviour that leaves her feeling neglected.

However, this process often damages her sense of self-worth. The more she suppresses her needs, the more she begins to believe that those needs were unreasonable in the first place. She may start thinking that asking for love, care, and emotional support is excessive. In reality, these expectations are normal parts of any healthy relationship.

Relationships are built on mutual care, communication, and emotional support.

When one partner consistently dismisses the needs of the other, the problem is not the existence of those needs. The problem is the lack of emotional responsibility and maturity from the person who refuses to acknowledge them.

Eventually, many women encounter someone who approaches relationships differently. This new experience can be surprising at first. Instead of reacting with frustration when she expresses how she feels, this person listens calmly. Instead of treating emotional conversations as conflicts, he treats them as opportunities to understand each other better.

A man who respects his partner does not see her emotions as problems that must be managed.

He understands that emotions are a natural part of being human. He also recognizes that when someone shares their feelings, they are offering trust and vulnerability.

When a woman who has spent a long time feeling dismissed meets someone like this, she often begins to see her past experiences in a new way. She realizes that her desire for affection, communication, and emotional presence was never unreasonable. Those needs were simply ignored or minimized by people who were unwilling or unable to meet them.

This realization can be very important for personal growth. It allows her to rebuild confidence in her own worth and to understand that healthy relationships do not require constant self-suppression. In a supportive relationship, both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of being treated like a burden.

The presence of a caring partner also shows her that love does not have to feel like a struggle for attention or validation. When someone genuinely values you, they do not treat your existence as an obligation. They appreciate the opportunity to share life with you.

In the end, the lesson is not simply about finding the right partner. It is also about recognizing that every person deserves respect, care, and emotional understanding in a relationship. When those elements are present, love becomes something that strengthens both people rather than something that makes one of them feel small.

Understanding this truth can help anyone move forward with a clearer sense of self-worth and healthier expectations for future relationships.

I love to get my hands dirty in the soil…Reminiscing about seedtime and harvest reminds me of the importance of seed planting in relation to life and relationships.

Life is a garden. Your thoughts and deeds are the seeds. What you harvest will either be flowers or weeds. It’s up to you. The phrase “Some see a weed, some see a wish” is a popular inspirational quote about perspective, often used in relation to dandelions. It highlights that the same object or situation can be perceived as a nuisance (weed) or a source of hope and joy (wish) depending on one’s mindset.

The kind of seeds we plant determines our harvest. It is within our power to have a beautiful garden filled with rich friendships, acquaintances, and deep relationships.

Planting seeds like love, kindness, forgiveness, tolerance, peace, and patience are some of the seeds you can plant. These will go a long way for the health of your own garden.

Just like planting a garden is more than hoping for a good crop, your garden of life takes more than wishing it was beautiful.

Planting your garden takes practice and intentionality.

Just like the weather or bad storms can ruin a crop, we also experience storms and hardships in life.

We do not have the power to keep the storms of life from happening but we do have the power to bring sunshine to those who have experienced hardships. There’s a lot we can do to contribute to the well being of our family, friends, and strangers.

Seed planting is a task. Seeds do not plant themselves and someone has to plant them before anything can grow.

It’s the same in our lives. We need to be deliberate about planting the kinds of seeds that will produce a garden that satisfies.

The people you surround yourself with, the spaces you show up in, and the voices you listen to—they matter more than you think.

Growth doesn’t happen by accident. Sometimes, it takes being honest with yourself about what’s feeding you—and what’s draining you.

Be intentional. Plant yourself where you can grow strong, flourish, and bear fruit that lasts.

If we all planted seeds of kindness, justice and decency, think what a different world it would be.

Research into hundreds of individuals who have cheated has identified eight primary motivations: anger, self-esteem boosts, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situational circumstances.

While most people agree cheating is wrong, it remains incredibly common because it is often an attempt to solve an internal problem (loneliness, insecurity, feeling stuck) through external, though often destructive, means.

Men cheat on the woman every man desires with the woman every man has already used.

Men often cheat on a desired partner due to personal insecurity, needing validation, or lack of accountability rather than the partner’s faults.

It’s not a reflection of the initial partner’s worth.

High-value women get cheated on more often than people admit.

Not because they lack beauty, support, loyalty, or love.

A man can have a partner who invests heavily—emotionally, mentally, financially—yet still pursue someone who requires zero effort.

The logic is simple and brutal:

– The rare woman represents high stakes: real loss if caught, deep emotional cost, long-term consequences.

– The easy woman represents zero risk: quick dopamine, no strings, instant ego boost, disposable.

Many men prioritize short-term validation over long-term security.

The novelty of “new” or the safety of “already had” outweighs protecting something genuinely valuable.

This choice almost never reflects the woman’s worth.

It exposes the man’s:

– Low impulse control

– Weak character

– Inability to delay gratification

– Need for external approval to feel worthy

A mature man with actual self-respect doesn’t trade irreplaceable for replaceable.

He recognizes rarity, guards it fiercely, and refuses to let temporary attention cost him permanent value.

My sage grandma passed on the advice :”Get a man who wants you more than you want him”.

It is a piece of relationship advice often passed down from previous generations, intended to ensure a woman is cherished and secure in her partnership. 

Here is a breakdown of the reasoning behind this advice:

Why Grandma Suggested It

• Ensures Security and Effort: The core idea is that a man who loves you more will put in more effort, chase you, and prioritize your needs, reducing the risk of you being neglected or heartbroken.
• Prevents Chasing: It discourages women from chasing a partner who is uninterested, which often leads to unhappiness.
• Protection: In older, more patriarchal times, this was a self-protective measure to ensure a woman was cared for by her partner.
• Lasting Affection: The perspective suggests that a woman can grow to love a man, but a man who loves you intensely from the start will go to “the moon and back” for you. 
• Stability over Passion: Some interpretations suggest that if a man makes your heart race (intense passion), he might not be the right one. Instead, if he makes you feel safe, calm, and secure, he is the right one.
• Avoids “Breadcrumbs”: It encourages you to avoid partners who give the bare minimum.
• Potential Negatives: Some, however, consider this outdated or flawed advice, arguing it can be a “band-aid” for attachment issues, or that it encourages “taking” rather than mutual giving.
• Ultimately, this advice is meant to ensure you are with someone who truly treasures you, rather than settling for someone who doesn’t. 
• When a man wants you instead of needing you, it signifies a shift from dependency to a conscious, secure choice based on desire and admiration, rather than a functional, survival-based necessity.
• He is whole on his own and chooses you to enhance his life, rather than relying on you to fill an emotional void or regulate his emotions.
• Key differences between “wanting” and “needing” include:
• Choice vs. Survival: Wanting is a preference, whereas needing implies a lack of choice and a reliance on you for emotional or physical stability.
• Independence vs. Dependency: A man who wants you is secure, steady, and capable of self-regulation, while one who needs you may be dependent and unsteady.
• Unconditional vs. Transactional: Wanting is based on who you are (unconditional), whereas needing can feel transactional, like a contract to fill a specific gap.
• Intentional Action: A man who truly wants you is intentional, avoids games, and prioritizes your emotional well-being because he genuinely desires a future with you. 
• Ultimately, being wanted rather than needed allows for a healthier, more balanced, and voluntary partnership.

The core lesson here is to stop overextending yourself to people who do not reciprocate, ensuring that your kindness, energy, and love are not wasted on those who only value what you can do for them. 

Key Takeaways from This Lesson:

• Reciprocity is Essential: You cannot force someone to care or love you the way you do. Relationships should be built on mutual, not one-sided, effort.
• Protect Your Energy: It is necessary to set boundaries to avoid becoming drained by people who take without giving back.
• Self-Respect Over Validation: The goal is to move from a place of desperation for love to a place of self-respect, where your peace is not negotiable.

This lesson, while often learned through pain, is essential for personal growth and finding genuine, balanced relationships

Scared of Losing People You Love?

Your feelings of grief regarding the future and the possibility of losing someone you love deeply are not signs of weakness or ingratitude; rather, they are a testament to your profound love.

The tension you experience—balancing enjoyment of the present with fear of what lies ahead—is both real and valid.

You don’t have to choose one over the other.

• Transform Anger into Compassion

When you find yourself feeling frustrated by your worries, take a moment to pause. Acknowledge that these fears are rooted in love and genuine grief. You’re not being dramatic; you’re simply being human.

• Practical Steps for Embracing Both Joy and Grief:
• Create a Worry Window: Dedicate specific time each day to grieve, worry, and process difficult emotions. Once that time is over, choose to live in the present for the remainder of the day.
• Balance Grief with Gratitude: Allow space for both your challenging feelings and your excitement about what lies ahead. You don’t need to pick one over the other.
• Dream About Your Future Anyway: Don’t let the fear of loss hinder your ability to plan, hope, and move toward the life you desire. Reflect on questions like: “What do I want this next chapter to encompass? When I look back on my life, what do I want to remember?”
• Connect Intentionally Now: Seek out small moments to be present with your loved one—engage in quality time, have meaningful conversations, and share activities. These moments are significant.

Celebrate Your Milestones

Organize celebrations that resonate with you.

Accept love from those around you.

Don’t allow the fear of future loss to rob you of the joy you can experience today.

You’re not choosing between enjoying life and preparing for loss. You’re holding both with courage and compassion. That’s not weakness—that’s wisdom.

My journey into motherhood was far from easy. With few role models and almost no experience with children, I felt like I had nothing to go on besides instinct alone. And my instincts were part of my problem. I couldn’t always hear them.

A human’s natural inclination is to want connection, but inconsistency or harm against a person creates a fear in that same connection.

When this happens during early development, the child learns to fear what it also deeply desires—which develops into an adult who is quietly terrified to experience and trust reciprocal love.

I learned to listen without speaking (which is absolute torture when the label of co-dependency feels like home), and I learned to ask more questions instead of giving unsolicited advice. I’m still learning, and most likely will be for some time since old habits die hard.

But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just learning how to respond to normal discomfort when someone I love was uncomfortable. It was learning to respond to normal discomfort when I was uncomfortable.

It was learning to not shut down and begin to emotionally detach when insecurity started to get loud.

Raising my awesome son is one of the biggest challenges I’ve had to navigate with those embedded fears. To give birth to a part of you and know your job is to let this soul grow into themselves while they slowly leave you a little more each day. Pulling him close to me to feel safe and loved and teaching him to leave all at the same time.

It’s like one long continual dance of love and grief.

The more we let ourselves feel, the more we can hear the voice underneath the feelings once they pass. The quiet intuitive voice who always knows how to nurture us, heal our wounds, and instructs us how to have the courage and ability to have loving relationships with those we care about.

It’s normal to have fear in our connections.

It’s part of our experience as humans and often how we learn about ourselves most. But to let those fears dictate the way we connect keeps us from connecting in the ways we truly crave. True intimacy requires vulnerability and a trust that starts within ourselves.

What are you really scared of?

Let your fears be heard, but let your heart lead the way.

You can never revive a deceased person. Difficult to hit ‘reset’ on a fractured relationship. However, I believe from interviewing many couples that a fractured relationship can be reset or repaired through a new level of appreciation, sincere apologies, and consistent effort to rebuild trust. It requires dropping personal ego, adopting better communication, and patience, though it is not a quick fix but a shift toward a healthier, more consistent connection,

You cannot reclaim a squandered youth, redo a past error, or take back words that shattered a friendship.

Once it’s gone, it’s truly gone. It will never return to its former state, regardless of your efforts.

In a genuine psychological sense, this loss chips away at a part of you that needs to be rebuilt over time. Ironically, the inability of many to love or respect themselves often serves as the very reason their relationships faltered initially.

Hurt people hurt people, so we must heal or we will continue to bleed on those who never cut us.

But who do you become during that time?

That’s the real work. I often reflect: in six years, will I still be in a protective state, or will I finally be living?

Happiness is not found in survival—it’s found in living fully.

Own it, protect it, nurture it.

The only competition worth having is with yourself.

Strive to be a little better than the person you were yesterday.

Make your moments beautiful by just a simple and genuine laugh.

Happiness is not a faraway destination—it’s a daily practice.

Joy comes from within, not from external validation.

So, let go, stay calm, protect your peace, and laugh a little more often.

Life is too short to just survive—choose to live it with a full heart.

Can you say that? Do you believe it? Can your body feel it?

Can you anchor it?

Spend your day nurturing yourself.

You are allowed to do nothing on this day that celebrates your existence.

How can you discover an authentic love that appreciates you beyond societal norms and material desires?
Is it possible to find true happiness without a partner, and what does a genuine relationship feel like in today’s world?
If these questions resonate with you, know that you are not alone. Many individuals, including seasoned romantics, grapple with societal expectations and disappointments.
Nevertheless, love is a remarkable journey of self-discovery and empowerment. 

Please remember one thing.

Your greatest suffering comes from your inability to receive love.

This is due to your unworthiness.

And the cure of your suffering is to stop denying you are worthy of love.

Denying you are worthy of love is the disease that creates all other diseases.

Drugs has no cure for this denial.

Your acceptance of yourself is the cure.

You must give yourself this dignity.

You were born with wings. Fly, don’t crawl.

Take care everyone.

Don’t forget. You are precious beyond measure.

Sending you love and magic! Always, Lynnie. ❤