When we do shadow work, we begin to see the toxic, dysfunctional, + very painful parts within ALL of us.
Not being fun and definitely not easy.
We need to accept all parts of ourselves (mostly the wounded ones).
Some of us hide from our shadow.
We adopt the identity as the empath to avoid understanding we too have toxic traits.
We have wounded parts of ourselves that are looking to be loved + witnessed.
We are not one dimensional beings, we carry many traits.
NARCISSISM exists on a spectrum
- Depending on the level of childhood trauma, there is disconnection from the self.
- This creates a wounded, overactive ego.
- An ego that seeks worth through other people.
- An ego that becomes controlling, entitled + sometimes highly abusive.
- All to cope with the low sense of self worth + the inability to cope with life.
- For most of us, the first narcissist we meet was a parent figure.
- A person highly consumed with their own feelings, their own sense of reality and their own needs. This left us deeply hurt and wounded.
- It gave us a dysfunctional sense of what relationships look like.
- No setting of boundaries, quiet the opposite – boundary violations, emotional neglect, shaming and harsh punishment looked like love.
- Some adopting unconsciously these traits to survive the childhood environment we found ourselves in.
- It’s helpful to learn what healthy relationships look like, what abuse looks like, what boundaries look like.
- Many start out with dysfunctional foundations.
- As we heal + mature emotionally, we can learn to accept the wounded parts of us that we abandoned a long time ago.
- The entitled parts of us.
- The selfish parts, the rage-filled and controlling parts of us.
As we dive into the shadows we also see the light!
- The compassionate parts of us.
- The loving parts of us.
- The parts of us that are our true nature / our authentic self.
- To be human is to have a wide variety of traits.
- Some of those traits we accept, some the ego works tirelessly to deny (+ then goes on to project onto others).
- True self acceptance is seeing ALL parts of self + saying “I love that part, too”)
- The more we own our OWN toxic traits, the more emotionally healthy we become.
- The moment I realized this was a very scary one, but now that time has passed, I realized how empowering and liberating moving past quick labels has been. Now I can simple set boundaries, continue self work and choose who to associate it without having to do psychoanalysis on people. It’s peaceful because we can place our awareness within ourselves and begin to make conscious (empowering) choices.
- It’s a beautiful gift to gift yourself the awareness of your own behaviours.
It’s not empath vs narcissist
- You too can heal.
- It is the co-dependency / narcissism spectrum.
- Unhealthy concern for others/unhealthy obsession over self, the two trauma adaptions that peeps take to various extremes.
- To say that your life is in a mess because of someone’s presence is such a narcissistic trait in itself.
- If they’re causing you pain: step away, set boundaries but calling them a narcissist will not get your life any better.
The problem we can have when we do not love ourselves is that we seek love externally.
- You literally go around with an empty cup begging for someone else to fill it.
- This can make you extremely vulnerable to predatory people.
- Like narcissists.
- That feed off that validation and love at the start with love bombing you.
- Once trapped they proceed to feed off you until you are the empty shell of you that needs to painfully put themselves back together.
- We can hold childhood wounds.
- Loving yourself means addressing those wounds instead of sticking a plaster on an open and bleeding wound.
- When you give that care to yourself you become stronger.
- Not fully reliant on external validation and you approach love and all relationships really from a place or worthiness and trust for yourself and this is why you can provide the same to others.
Beware of the crumbs
How a Narcissist Loves
Did you love your romantic partner?
Probably like you would love your new shoes.
These shoes are the best shoes you have.
- Because they are new and exactly your taste.
Then you walk around in these shoes for a while and they turn to old shoes.
- Just like the rest of your old shoes, you stop liking them so much.
You can still wear them of course, but they’re not the best shoes out there and the soles are worn out, they kinda hurt your feet.
You start hating these crappy shoes, they’re uncomfortable and they’re starting to look fucked up.
YOU need a new pair of shoes.
You start dying slowly…
If you do not read
If you do not listen to the sounds of life
If you do not appreciate yourself
- You start dying slowly
When you kill your self-esteem;
When you do not let others help you
If you become a slave of your habits
Walking everyday on the same paths …
If you do not change your routine
If you do not wear different colours
Or if you do not speak to those who you don’t know
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions
Those that make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast
If you do not change your life
when you are not satisfied with your job
or with your love
if you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain
If you do not go after a dream
If you do not allow yourself
At least once in your lifetime
To run away from sensible advice
If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.
All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
Jonathan Lockwood Hule
You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.
Don’t worry what others are doing. Do you!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
Jose Luis Borges
To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.
Love the moment.
Flowers grow out of dark moments.
Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole.
Life is a succession of such moments and to live each is to succeed.
1 am ok, I am safe, I am loved.
Shout out to all the people who haven’t felt okay recently, but are getting up every day and refusing to quit.
Stay strong, Big love, Xo,