By Lynnie Stein / October 22, 2023

Don’t Date, Elevate

If my energy alone doesn’t get you aroused, then I am not the ONE for you.

If my spirit doesn’t uplift you, then put the connection down. If my genius doesn’t help you think deeper, then don’t mind me. If my passion doesn’t move you, then move past me. If I don’t help you evolve, then don’t get involved with me. If my love doesn’t open your heart, then don’t fall for me.

When love is missing, our loneliness tells us it’s missing.

When our life is empty, our longing tells us it’s empty.

When we learn to treasure our longing, it deepens us immensely.

Our longing has the power to make us fight for what we want – including fighting against our own habits of disconnection.

When longing burns in us, we change – because we must.

Longing is “the axe that breaks the frozen sea within us.”


Affirming our commitment to finding love evokes feelings of deep vulnerability. And that’s exactly what we want! That’s the very place where our love grows most freely and most lushly. Let yourself enjoy the deep intimacy that this process evokes.

Find a place in your home where you feel safe and peaceful. Sit down in this spot with a pen and paper.

Now craft an affirmation that feels hopeful, believable and moving. One that your heart can believe.

Be brave. Craft an affirmation that really touches your heart. Find words that could almost bring a tear to your eyes. You’re not stuck with these words forever. They may change many times over the course of your practice. Don’t worry about sounding wise, spiritual or polished.

Remember: The way you know an affirmation is right is by how true it feels, and by how much it moves you.

If you’re having a hard time creating your own affirmation, there are many sites and books which offer wonderful ones.

Here are some affirmations that you might want to try.

Feel free to change them any way you like:

My beloved, I invite you into my arms, my heart, and my life.
As I learn my own lessons of love, I create a powerful force that is drawing my soulmate to me right now.
Having sexy, soulful, safe and sweet love is my birthright.
My desire for love comes from my truest, most sacred self. Therefore, it is blessed with the power of Spirit.
Every moment of loving connection in my life brings me closer to my beloved.
Every time I say no to unhealthy relationships, true love comes closer to me.
My beloved is on his/her way, and we will become each other’s home in the world.

KEN PAGE, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, popular Psychology Today blogger, Huffington Post blogger and author of the bestseller Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy.

Say the affirmation to yourself, out loud or silently. Put your heart and your concentration into it. After you repeat it, pause for a moment and feel the ripples that come from it.

Sometimes you won’t feel any inner response. Don’t worry about that. Just repeat it again, trying to connect to any feeling the words evoke for you in the moment.

When you least expect it, you will feel something powerful; a deep sense of emotion, of healing, of hope, of faith, of desire. When that happens–when your heart and soul take you on a ride–just let that wave come and give your heart to it.

At those moments there is a kind of download happening that transforms us and guides us. Let the download complete and feel its ripples afterward.

The practice of affirmation sounds simple, but get ready! When you affirm what you most want, using the inner language of your personal yearning, you generate heat, emotion, and longing.

And sometimes, discomfort.

You may feel worry that love will never come. You may fear that you don’t deserve your heart’s desire. Or you might acutely feel the pain of your passionate unmet need for partnership and family. If these experiences happen to you, don’t worry – they are a sign that the process is working – even if they are hard to tolerate.

So why do something that can be so challenging, even for ten minutes?

Because it works.

Affirmations, done in this heartfelt way, change our characters and our behaviours. They set forces in motion that are below the conscious mind. They burn away our protective layers of numbness, distractedness and fixation on minor concerns. They remind us of what we care about most. When we do this practice passionately and regularly, our whole life shifts on its axis.

When you first try meditating or any spiritual practice, expect to do it poorly.


Realize you may want to flee or check the clock every three minutes.

It’s ok!

If every day you have one or two minute of pure feeling out of ten, you’re bound to get closer to real love.

Let the practice take on a life of its own. Sometimes it might feel completely dry and forced. Expect that! Yet sometimes it will touch you and your longing will be ignited. Or you might feel a sense of peace or hope.

When that happens, you are in your zone. Stay with it. And when the wave passes, go back to repeating your words. Enjoy each time when, without warning, your practice takes wing.

Most of all, I encourage you to make this practice a part of each day. Do it sloppily, but do it with heart, and you’ll feel love moving closer.

Don’t give up – it’s waiting for you, and it’s what you deserve. Thank you, Ken.

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© 2023 Lynnie Stein